finding new friends as you grow...

i have recently been having issues with my friends, most of which i have known all of my life. i believe that my views (regarding life philosophy and spirituality) and the views of my friends are starting to differ dramatically.

the problem that I see is that i can no longer relate to them in ways I did when I was younger. I feel alienated among the people that I've spent most of my life with. I do not feel fulfilled when having conversations. I do not think my opinions on life and spirituality are taken seriously.

has anyone here ever felt great emotional distance from their life-long friends?
if so, did you just deal with differences or cut your ties and move on?

the philosophical differences seem to be branching off into contrasting directions, to the point that conversation is frustrating.

any advice or personal experience will help

thank you

 

I found through life that there were some very good early friendships that grew apart... it's really a life long process as we age we change- our attitudes, priorities and it isn't at all a guarantee that those we cherish will be on board with these changes. It's really a litmus test of self confidence with your own points of view whether you still hold them as strong when folks whose opinions you value express strong disagreement.

It doesn't make anyone wrong it just means there's likely less basis for an active friendship.

 

hey thanks for the reply,

I think that the "litmus test" example is an incredible analogy for this situation. it gave me a fresh perspective on who I am and who I'm not.

i just feel like i've had a lot of serious thinking over the last few years, thinking that has caused personal growth dramatically.

I know that I am never done growing

thank you stinkfoot

 

Just try to keep in mind the feelings of those you're leaving behind, years of faithful friendship shouldn't be rewarded by the total blow-off treatment. When you leave one world for another, it's bound to leave a void. I've noticed this especially when one pal starts seeing somebody seriously, leaving the single pal in the dust. We re-invent ourselves constantly as life goes on, but do we really have so many friends that we can afford to throw any of them away? -good humans are hard to find!

 

I think your age has got everything to do with it. As we mature our opinions and beliefs become part of who we are. You know your friends, and if you really feel you are moving in vastly different directions it's time to rethink the situation. That doesn't mean that you "cut your ties and move on" it just means that you no longer have similar ideas, goals etc. You can still be friends, just not on an intellectual or philosophical level. It's time to spread your wings!

 

My old friends and I are vastly differant in our views/basic core values,yet we still can communicate effectively and have fun too.Some discussions are avoided tho--and that's OK.

 

hey, thanks a lot all of you. i am getting more comfortable with the differences between my friends and i. i still feel that i would like to grow further as an individual but I should not take my current friends for granted.

once again

thanks

 

Lost Spirit

I'm lost from kindred spirits
There must be some somewhere
I haven't found them at my office
They aren't hiding in my house
They aren't among my friends or family
Is my spirit here by itself?

I long for kindred spirits
I can't be that unique
I searched back through my youth to find them
There weren’t any there to be found
Maybe they were among past coworkers
But life was busy then, I didn't look

Please, Oh kindred spirits, find me
It seems I can't find you on my own
I'll soon give up this quest
I'll learn to accept this life
yet, I yearn to share my inner spirit
with kindred spirits who can relate

My spirit aches

 

That poem just brought tears to my eyes oink..
Sometimes, I too feel lost and alone.
Poignant poem, did you write it?

 

yeah i know how it feels... im currently in the same position. my friends are all into rap music and the latest trend etc..... im into the beatles and retro stuff... like a fork in the road we must go our seperate ways. it's hard finding hippies in my school

 

holy crap... you basically jus described the exact situation that im in ... i hang out with at school all my friends from when i was younger but i feel ive been branching away and my friends like to cut me down when i do something different because they dont understand my beliefs. pls if u figure something out tell me

 

Growth and evolution are constant. I have lost alot of friends in this life but for every friend I've lost I've gained one. Humans are very social creatures and we live in a very materialistic "gain" oriented society. It is precieved that the more friends that we have the better the person we are. The richer or more "popular" friends we have the more value we are percieved to have.

It's all bullshit. I'm not saying be an asshole. I'm saying be unashamedly yourself. If you lose friends over it they weren't real friends anyway. You will have new friends that will gravitate to you. Love the friendships you have give what you can to them. Take what you can from them. Everything has a lifespan from organisms to relationships. Accept them for what they are. They form us into who we are.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

Relationships change. I have had very close friends that over the years became less close. We no longer hang together but we are still friends in the sense that we have similar philosophies and beliefs and send the occasional e-mail or phone call.

It is just part of growing that we change and some parts of relationships get redefined and fall away. Also, I have compartmentalized friends - work friends, nudist friends, gay friends - that relate on certain commonalities that we share.

Oh, and I am discovering that I have some really good cyberfriends - our relationship solely defined by words & pix on a monitor - but to whom I have a sense of closeness, almost family.

 

I just don't make new friends. At least since the 60s --70s.The only friends are old friends and many of the old ones are dead. I hang with my kids and that's about it ,although there are people on here with whom I could be friends in real life. It just doesn't seem to bother me. I be a loner these years.

 

Yes I have, and i distanced myself from them for a long time and onlykept a few friends around. with few friends you can become lonely. But as I grew up I started to feel there are different types of friends and I started to feel more comfortable with myself, good friends u can hang with, really good friends u can share everything with, best friends that share ur views on spirituality and are deep, and other different kinds of friends, drinking friends, clubbing friends, going to the gym friends lol. There are lots of kinds. So before you start cutting them out of your life just have a little think about it.

 

With the exception of ex girlfriends I honestly haven't cut many friends out of my life. They kind of drift in and drift out. I'm Ok with that. I've drifted into and out of peoples lives too. It seems like that is the natural way of things. Unless they leave this mortal coil there is still a chance I will see them. If I don't there is allways next time around.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

If you are still thinking the same thoughts and holding the same priorities you had when you were 19 you have wasted the intervening years of experience. The point behind our experiences should be to shape us as human beings. If we refuse to let those experiences change us we might as well have been living in a state of sensory deportation.

It is unreasonable to expect that the people we grew up with are going to be unchanged as well. Sometimes we need help in relating to them. Here are about 10 conversation starters that I think will help you have a meaningful/fulfilling conversation with people you have drifted away from.
If you had 1,000,000 dollars to give away, how would you do it?
When have you seen Karma at work in your life?
Who is there in your life that you would take a bullet for?
Under what circumstances would you adopt a child?
Why were you given your name?
What was the last national park you visited?
What cause are you willing to fight for?
What was the first thing you learned to cook?
What book can you read over and over again?
What makes you feel young?
If you had access to a life coach what would you want to work on?
If you were going to go into business for yourself what would you do?

Questions taken from GetToKnowU

 

There is something to be said for lifelong friends. I have several friends that I've been friends with for 10 or 15 or even 20 years. They are not in my immediate social circle; I've found new friends that I relate to much better and have an easier rapport with, and these are the friends with whom I spend the majority of my time.

However, there is one thing my old friends continue to offer that I'm unsure if the new friends can offer yet, and that is loyality, devotion, and unconditional love.

One of my old friends was more like a sister to me growing up. We don't have much in common anymore, but I would never even think about cutting ties with her. I know that if I have a problem she would be there immediately. She knows all my flaws and weaknesses and has loved me over the years despite that. Only time can produce that kind of friendship.

You will naturally gravitate towards people that you have things in common with. You'll probably have an entirely new group of friends in the next couple of years, but I wouldn't cut ties with your old friends if I were you. It will take time to build trust with new friendships, but you already have that trust with your old friends. Old friendships are priceless; I dont think they should be thrown away.

 

for me, i have a few friends, and i have brothers and sisters. my brothers and sisters love me unconditionally,, to a point im sure, but theres very little that could change the bonds we have. whether i talk to them everyday, or every 5 years. a few have dropped out of my life,and i would welcome them as they would me. they dont all have long hair,and altho 1 probably still has a penchant for way to much pettulli{sp}, they have all blended in to the world as best they could.

great topic tho. we are our experiances.they change us. it is difficult to have friends that havent had same ones.