I know that sounds weird, but it's true. Even more weird is the fact that I'm an out lesbian myself and I really don't think I'm that scary. This, of course, makes me feel like a presumptuous ass and a little like a hypocrite. I can understand if you feel that way, too. However, it doesn't change the undeniable fact that, while new people and situations always make me mildly uncomfortable, lesbians make me significantly more nervous than everyone else. That's not to say that I avoid them. A good number of my best friends are other lesbians, but I can promise you that I got to know all of them through other people and I probably knew them long before I actually spoke to them. This makes meeting women in bars and at parties difficult. The funny thing is that I have hit on women (sometimes successfully) at parties that I knew (or at least thought) were not really gay. I also have no problem asking a girl I meet at a dance or a bar, straight up, "do you like girls or boys"? But if I'm interested in a girl that I already know is gay and single I get all nervous. In fact, I get nervous even if she's not single and even if I have absolutely no interest in her romantically. If she's a lesbian and I don't know her, she will make me nervous. At least, if she's around my age. Does anyone else feel like that? Is it weird? Have any tips on how to work around it?
I sometimes feel the same exact way, I am also an out-lesbian but sometimes other lesbians scare me too kind of an intimidation thing. But i quickly pick myself back up if i am somewhat interested in this person. but i totally know what you mean.
I understand hows your feeling.. I had same experiences with my lesbian friends.. Sometimes I also scared when they are are too aggresive..
just a small advice: stop putting so many and so hard labels on humans; i guess that everthing would flow nicely in your relationships
I feel the same way since I have had one short time girlfriend and other women scare me that has a lot of experience. Here I am at 44, I am bi, but really love women. However, they scare the crap out of me cause I really do not know hot to act in a dating mode or in a relationship?
Everybody should fear the uber powerful lesbian that is me. I wear boots with lung piercing heels. +100pts for trample damage.
I am not by any means scared of other lesbians but, I have issues with the ones I have come across. I have not been out for very long and so I am still getting used to everything being so open to the public (lol). I think I more have a problem with people automatically thinking that I should be or act a certain way because I am a lesbian. It's like I am either "not gay enough" or a "poser". So I say eff off to those who think I am just posing. And those people are just ignorant asses. I know whats in my heart and I know who turns me on and who doesn't case closed.
Maybe it's a familiarity thing. When I was first coming out, I thought lesbians were really intimidating, but intimidating slowly became attractive over time.
I see where you're coming from. It almost costed me my current girlfriend. I was so nervous, that I originally broke up with her. However, I was so lonely afterwards that I began to cry often. I eventually met her again, and I was so happy to see her I got over my nervousness. We've been happily dating ever since.
Sometimes I feel this way as well...But I think that can be attributed directly towards 96% of my interactions with lesbians throughout the course of my lifetime have ended abruptly and not in the most positive fashion...I feel like there is an insane amount of drama and traumatic experience in lesbian culture. It makes me wonder if all the drama and mass chaos takes a toll on these women who go through these relationship ordeals that could trump most soap operas? I hate to generalize or stereotype but I know more crazy lesbians than I do sane ones, and it makes me wonder if I too will be a crazy lesbian one day (if I'm not already?) Therefore, lesbians scare me.
So I guess that quite a few of us are oddly scared of other lesbians. I have actually had lesbians stare me down when I was just minding my own business taking in my surroundings. I'll admit I was younger at the time but even now I have great difficulty trusting and even making friends because I feel less than somehow.
I think it is exactly the same situation as the shy guy who has no idea how to talk to women. It has nothing to do with stereotypes or internalised homophobia or anything like that. You don't feel uncomfortable talking to a straight woman because she is not a potential emotional/awkwardness risk. I tend to feel uncomfortable around women in general, which I think is becasue I am attracted to women that look straight. Much though I crave being around women I wind up feeling awkward.
If a woman is lesbian/bi and afraid of other lesbians I would assume they are probably: just not used to being around a masculine woman? just not used to the idea of being around a feminine woman who loves other women? are a very emotional woman themselves and afraid of getting their feelings hurt by another woman they find attractive? are submissive and don't know how to flirt or feel inhibited to flirt with another woman due to upbringing? a little homophobic hoping they don't attract the 'wrong type' of lesbian( a femme4femme getting unwanted attention from a butch)?
