So, just incase some of you don't know. My mom is dying of emphysema. She is 54 years old, had me at 31 years old by cheating on her husband with pat who I found out is my real dad when I was 14. She has done some INSANE things in her life like be a prostitute, drug dealer, con, etc.. Anyways, she sees "demons" that I see sometimes too. Esp when I smoke weed or do meth (combo is crazy shit). So much so that she hitch hiked to Washington from Indiana to climb mount helen to speak with god about the underground lizard people who my dad (not biological) is the leader of. Urine repels the lizard people and she would pee on the tires of vehicles and sleep underneath the car. She is so wonderful though! I don't know if you guys have had the pleasure of meeting someone who just makes everything fun and happy, but thats the way my mom was forever. Till she got emphysema. She used to be a hippy hard core and did quite a few different drugs. She is still addicted to "drugs". She still smokes. I guess my questions are, how should I feel about this? She calls me all the time fucked up crying telling me she is so sorry for what she did (her whole life), and that she is going to hell for sure because the demons tell her that. I don't know if I should ignore her, or hang with her since the rest of the family ditched her. And what about the demons I see? What does that mean? Her mom was crazier than bat shit and now my sister has gone crazy too! Me and my brother are scared we are going to go crazy... I guess I already am, writing such personal stuff online for everyone to see...
First of all man I'm so sorry to hear that about your mom. That's terrible. You can feel whatever comes natural. Most feel sad, if you don't, that's okay. If you do, that's okay too. Second, your mom isn't going to hell because it doesn't exist (imo). Don't ignore her brother, she's your mom. If you do you'll regret that for the rest of your life. Be there for her as long as she needs you and you need her. You'll wish you had stayed with her. As for the demons, are they real, or just when you're under the influence of substances? I know you're into a lot of drug use, this could be the cause. If they're real however, you could have schizophrenia, in which case you may want to see a doctor about. If I can as a friend, I'd suggest you stop using meth, that shit is so horrible and will turn you into something so terrible and ugly. There's a saying, "You're not going crazy if you think you are." So the fact that you're aware of what's going on is good. But I'd suggest you see a doctor of some sort to at least help you out and give you an idea of what's going on. Maybe chill out on the drug use for a bit. You don't want to think back later in life and not be able to remember your last moments or months with your mom because you were too high. I love you man, and I wish you well.
well how DO you feel about it? you asked how should you, but surely you must feel something, or maybe a combination of things. are you mad at her, or have you pretty much forgave her? either way, i'd say you could hang with her. sounds like you might have a pre-disposition to mental illness, if you are seeing the same demons that your mom sees. you've made a good decision to lay low on the drug use.
I haven't used a real drug in about 3 months, save a trip to montana where I did meth and weed one night and some kratom every now and then. I have read more than I should have 3 years ago about drugs. I don't think the meds they use to treat my moms "demons" are any better for her than the acid she took 10 years ago. So I don't really believe in using drugs everyday to get rid of something. As for the black things that seem like demons, when I was 14 I was riding my tiny scooter (wtf r they called?) and I went through this patch of street that was super dark, lights burnt out. Out of the corner of my eye I looked over to see this FAST ass moving black object that ran into me and knocked me off the scooter. Every hair on my body stood up and I was freaked. I didn't use any drugs back then :/ I don't walk around seeing stuff though. So I don't know wtf it is. But my brother had the same kinda experiences too. Probably more back then than now. Plus, who wants to be diagnosed with some crazy shit? P.S. Last time I used meth before that was like 3 years ago. I got HPPD from 2c-e and DPT (or just one of them) and that didn't make the black things any worse. HPPD is almost gone now.
I feel like we all make mistakes. I'm happy I'm alive, so she shouldn't be upset. I forgave her a long time ago. Don't think I was ever mad at her really. Just a fact, like gravity. Should I be mad at gravity that it broke one of the shelves in my china cabinet? Lol "mental illness" is just a weird term to me. What is ill? ADD? Or a kid with all the energy in the world that if forced to sit in one spot for 8 hours? Am I seeing demons or are you not seeing them? Is it something that can be figured out mentally? Helped? Religion? logical thought? Hmm... Such weird things doods
You don't walk around seeing stuff, but how often do you see these black things? Have they (aside from the scooter incident) interacted with you physically? Also when that first time happened when you werre 14, did you know then that your mom saw black creatures?
The illness may not be so much what you see but how you process that information. Follow your heart with regard to your mom. Sorry she's in such rough shape.
without question,you should make sure she knows that you forgive her for every wrong choice she has ever made and that you love her unquestionably...tell her she has given you some of the best memories in your life.. she is dieing..give her the absolution she is seeking...take the high road
I don't see them very often. It seems random, but my grandma, mom, and sister all got worse with age. I'm REALLY hoping it's a female trait No, I don't think they have interacted with me other than that when I'm not on drugs. Some drugs they interact more than seeing though. They are freaky and extremely fast moving. Almost like they are punching your brain then moving away just to taunt you about doing it again. This is def different than a bad trip too, because it's only when I'm in a certain room in a certain condition. I know what bad trips are like, you never feel what is there. Happens way more when you are alone. No, my mom wasn't really seeing anything during this time.
I have told her that. It seems like she is fighting with herself over it though. I can't tell. She is on drugs a quarter of the time and emotional. She only uses downer now, but those still aggravate her "demons". But her calling and freaking out about it just freaks me out. Then I think about the black shit I see, and all the "sins" I am doing, and that she is dying at 54 because she chose to party so much when she was younger. She used to be the best person EVER. I would think its because she was my mom, but my siblings don't seem to agree. I thought about this. But when something thats supposed to be a visual thing becomes a physical thing it starts to get weird. BTW everyone, I'm NOT looking for attention nor am I looking for lots of "sorry about your mom, your life must be so hard". Because my life isn't hard, its wonderful. Just has its bumps like all of you have yours.
yea, i don't like the term mental illness either. i was just having a passionate talk with my GF about that term. like ADD and learning disabilities...even if they are legit to begin with - i can see how labeling that way can just make it self fulfilling. and yeah, maybe you are just more open to something like this. i don't really know how to deal with aggressive shadows. i agree with rollingalong's advice
I think as Stinkfoot said, it may be the way you process the situation. Also, I've heard of people seeing things they decribed the same way you did while high on certain drugs (creatures/demons). I've seen fast black things move in poorly lit rooms during the time I was drinking very heavily, even while sober during that time. It could be the brains way of trying to tell us something. Our minds create our reality. It may be no coincidence you have an obscure family history and you see "demons". We often see what best suits are ideas of what is. You can look in the mirror and see an ugly person whereas your woman can say that you're handsome. We see what we think is there. I can't comment on the rest of your family seeing them because I don't know their stories.
Thank you for all the input guys. Eye wub yew <3 Getting a good idea of what other people think about it makes me feel more level. You know, everything is always alright. I'm happy I think like this or just trying to figure this kinda thing out would drive me crazy.
Just focus on good things and ignore the odd shit. It's too easy to get wrapped up in. But there's always good things out there, and good people. Like here on hip forums
Based on experience, I think that integrating relationships with parents is important in our personal evolution. I tend to think in terms of accepting as much as forgiving. If you can help take care of her, great. It's an ancient duty. As I think others have suggested, you won't be sorry if you give it a good effort. My wife and son and I took care of my Mom when she was dying from lung cancer. It was a blessing for all four of us. And loving you man.
Start learning how to deal with those 'demons.' Don't even think of them as demons, because you'll start reacting to them as if they were, and that will contribute to making them control your behaviour. They're hallucinations-- some sort of visual representation of fear and paranoia. Don't think you can 'stop' them by performing some sort of ritual like hiding under a car, as that just makes them all that more real to youself. Just realize that they're hallucinations without a hell of a lot of meaning and only make you feel crazy. Control your 'demons' by dismissing their relevance and reality by not responding to them in any way. Ever.
Codmouse, i am so sorry to read this. My thoughts and love to both you and your mother during this very difficult time. i agree with those who urge you to connect as much as you can. You wrote it yourself. She is dying. Once she is gone, you get no more chances. Sometimes it's worth letting go of painful past stuff and wrongs done us not only to help/forgive others but also ourselves . . . But, this does not mean you cannot reach out as much as you can and she can accept during this time. . . i don't know about the demons . . . time will resolve that issue one way or another . . . i hope in such a way that you are comfortable . . . As she begins to contemplate the end, i wonder if you have maybe considered offering her a dose of LSD or MDMA or maybe 4aco-DMT? You are both in our thoughts and minds . . . Peace & Love, Spicey Cat Gentle Brrrrps & Head Bumps
