boyfriend training for military :(

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by sushicat, Aug 5, 2010.

  1. sushicat

    sushicat Member

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    I'm super proud of my boyfriend and all, but I just don't know how long I can wait. He's going to be gone till March, and he'll be able to visit for two weeks during Christmas. And, I miss him a lot. But now that the months have gone on, I don't know if I miss HIM or if I just miss the relationship. I think it's both. If he was here, where we could hang out often, I wouldn't have so many temptations, but since I don't have him here, the opportunities that arise are hard to reject. My boyfriend is older than me, obviously, I'm only 15 and he's in the military (he's 19), so we're in different stages of life. But I do care about him a lot. My only issue is that these boys that are going after me, I want to pursue, but I can't because I don't want to hurt my boyfriend, and sometimes I feel like cheating, but I can't do it! I would feel so guilty and I could never do that to anyone! But when you're 15, 8 months is forever, and I don't want to waste my youth. I don't want to break up with him, but I want to be more open... I think... I'm not sure! I don't want to hurt him! And if I ask to "take a break", I'll feel like I'm still with my bf, and I would still feel like I couldn't be with other guys! And he always sends me sweet letters asking me to never leave him, telling me that he loves me.

    So, am I just being selfish? Or should I talk to him? I'm so stuck...
     
  2. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    You are not being selfish by feeling sexual pressures.

    You did not have the foresight to realize you would miss him so much, and because of your age, that's a rather expected mistake. He is a little bit older. He shouldn't be making those mistakes, anymore. Don't prolong the inevitable.

    Just break it to him gently, and if you still feel guilty, offer to be friends.
     
  3. sushicat

    sushicat Member

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    Thank you. But I want to be with him when he gets back. So that's not really fair to any other guy I would be with to be like "well, I have a guy lined up, but I'll have you for now". So maybe I should just suck it up... See, originally, it was supposed to be 2 months, then it changed to 4, now 8. I think if it goes up one more time, that will be it. I can't wait longer than that. So I knew I was going to miss him, but I didn't think it would be this long!
     
  4. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

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    Being with someone in the military means a ton of long distance contact. It can also mean a ton of worrying, depending where that person is stationed, and it definitely means a lot of time alone.

    If you can suck it up and be happy, that's a fine choice. If you can't; don't drag it out.


    Personally, I'd assume the best course is to break up with him, telling him that you're lonely, and you really don't want to hurt him, but you can't promise to be his anymore.
    Keep writing if he's willing. Date casually. Not fuck around mind you; but live the single life. If anything gets serious, you're safe -- if not, he will pick up where you guys left off if anything is meant to be.
    But I'm just reading this on a screen =)
     
  5. sushicat

    sushicat Member

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    Thank you! I will contemplate breaking up with him... Maybe I'll talk with him about it and try to make it mutual, like an "if it's meant to be, it will be" kind of situation. And if it works out, where we can break up, then I'll keep writing still, though I would still have a lot of feelings towards him. Yeah, I will have to keep thinking I suppose, since I still would have feelings for my boyfriend either way.

    I think, I will try and stick with him as long as I can, until I can't stand waiting anymore! I need to be strong. Thank you for helping me! I know what I have to do now, and I know what I can do if I can't wait any longer.
     
  6. AerialReaver

    AerialReaver Member

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    I was thinkin of joinin the military too, but my gf wouldn't come with me and I can't leave her now....especially now that she's having my baby.
     
  7. sushicat

    sushicat Member

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    Yeah, I think it would be a good idea to wait because of the baby. What branch would you want to join?
     
  8. kj500

    kj500 Guest

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    At 15 you are way too young for the drama and your hormones were not meant to deal with all of the log distance temptation that's going to be thrown your way!

    Do a temporary break up and if it was meant to be you 2 can pick up where you left off when he gets back. And don't beat yourself up too much, trust a 19 year old young man is NOT going to be a boyscout.
     
  9. thedope

    thedope glad attention Lifetime Supporter

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    He is trained for the military, he has no problem with a young girl.
     
  10. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name, because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you will be faithful!
     
  11. The Imaginary Being

    The Imaginary Being PAIN IN ASS Lifetime Supporter

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    You will learn in life, that you can't always have your cake and eat it too, i'm afraid.

    Make a choice. Remember though, you're choosing between love and lust- I think the former should prevail. Eight months is not a long time.
     
  12. Chapter13

    Chapter13 Member

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    why would you even think of being with anyone who would consider killing people for a monthly wage? :confused:

    people are odd
     
  13. coffeescent

    coffeescent Member

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    If you really love him you won't leave him just because of your sexual urges. If you do, yes, you ARE selfish.
    But then again, you're only 15 (I don't mean to be patronizing, honestly), so I don't know how mature you really are.

    Have you considered getting yourself a vibrator? Oh, and I better not get prude replies telling me she's too young for that! It'd still be better than cheating. :rolleyes:
     
  14. thedope

    thedope glad attention Lifetime Supporter

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    It is a question of loyalty only. To love one is not to love another less and lust is indiscriminate. Is he deserving of loyalty, he is as extemporaneous as any of us. Romance is vanities substitute for love.
     
  15. The Imaginary Being

    The Imaginary Being PAIN IN ASS Lifetime Supporter

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    It really is just black and white this time. She is looking to get her rocks off on someone whilst he is away, that sounds like lust to me. Maybe love is not the ideal suggestion for their relationship, and indeed loyalty plays a part, but it's at any stretch more emotionally demanding.

    Loyalty can happen amongst peers and lovers alike, it does not differentiate this romance.


    But nobodies answer her is wrong anyways. Point is she is young, and needs to make a choice- I hope she chooses the correct one for her.
     
  16. thedope

    thedope glad attention Lifetime Supporter

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    I think the questions here are ageless and endemic to us all. Truth is as well that she will make her own decision regardless. I just want to make aware that the dilemma arises from the assumption that sexual fidelity is the mark of true love. I think that if we desire companionship based on obeying a principle of fidelity, we should get a dog.
     
  17. deleted

    deleted Visitor

  18. TheWhiteOne216

    TheWhiteOne216 Member

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    i know your young but if you love him then you will find the strength to wait. its not like he can go off and cheat on you so he has to wait too.
     
  19. lunarverse

    lunarverse The Living End

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    You're not being selfish, you're being human. Not to sound like a jerk, but with regards to your age you're probably not going to be with him 10 years from now regardless of whether or not you stick it out. You're at an age where you should be discovering yourself and others, what you like, what you don't like, what you like sexually, what you don't like sexually, what kind of people you like and don't like, etc. That's a very impressionable time period and should be lived and enjoyed to the fullest.

    To sit back and have those desires you expressed but not be able to do much about anything seems like some sort of proverbial prison. It may suck for him because he's not at home and wants that attachment, but life needs to go on, for both of you. If you do decide to break up with him, I'd not recommend you stay friends. This will only make things worse and when he's away he may phone or write you and ask you all these personal questions...that would only tie his head in knots. Make a clean break if that's what you decide to do, you'll be doing the both of you a favour in the end.
     
  20. sushicat

    sushicat Member

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    He's joining the national guard, and they don't kill people.

    But anyways, I know what I'm going to do now. I talked to him on the phone yesterday, and I talked to him about some insecurities that I've been having about our relationship, which was a relief. He will be back earlier than expected now, somewhere from October to December, but I would wait for him if it were to be March too. Whenever I talk to him, all of my thoughts for other guys go away and I feel silly for ever thinking about them in the first place. So I'll just have to keep thinking about my boyfriend and everything will be fine. I really care about him, and you're all right when you say that it's about whether I really love him or am loyal to him. Nick is a great man, and I've known him for too long to just throw it away for some fling. I will have time for flings if things don't end up working out between us. And if we break the odds and stay together for the long-run, then that's even better. Thank you for your input! You've all helped a lot.
     

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