Hi I'm new here. I've been searching the internet for "help" in deciding if I should move forward with my threesome plans. First I'll say that I'm married to a wonderful husband of almost 9 years. He and I are very open with each other. I keep nothing from him. When we got together I was very young....about 18. He and I have always talked about possibly opening things up so I could have some sexual experience, if the time and circumstances were right. He is a bit older than I am and he has had some experiences before me. He was my first sexual partner. I was approached by a friend of mine and her boyfriend about having a threesome. They approached me about 6 weeks ago. In the past 6 weeks we've just talked and planned things out. When I was asked, I told my husband, and he has told me he would be ok with it--- as long as we follow his rules and respect his boundaries. He thought about it for a few days and at one point we sat down and talked to my friend/her boyfriend and discussed everything my husband wanted to. What was allowed, what wasn't, safety, respect, etc.... We tentatively chose July 31st for a night to get together. My husband has known about all of the details including the sexting and whatnot. I've even visited my friends for a kiss and whatnot. My husband knows about that, too. I'm not going to hide anything from him. This is mostly about me just having an experience and learning and growing from it. Some of my husband's rules are that I cannot kiss on the mouth with the guy involved nor can I perform oral sex on him. Everything is "fair game" with my female friend. Also he is required to wear condoms and be safe. My husband also said anal sex would not be allowed nor would anything else that would cause me 'discomfort' such as hitting, slapping, choking, biting, etc. I'm also not allowed to spend the night with them and I cannot have sex with the male without my female friend present. There are other rules such as no video recording or photography, no extra "visitors" or "participants", and a few other minor details. I fully plan to respect every boundary set by my husband. My husband and I have fantasized about this. He helped me take sexy pictures to share, (not x rated). He has been excited for me to do this, yet he has had his concerns too. I love my husband. He loves me. We have a great sex life. I love our sex life. I would be lying if I didn't say I'm curious to be with other people since I have never been with anyone before my husband. But do I NEED it? No. With all that being said, should I move forward? I get very excited but nervous, too. The other couple is very excited but my friend and I have agreed that our friendship and my marriage is more important than any sexual games between us. If anything got weird or if anyone got uncomfortable, we'd call it off. I feel like it has been well thought out. Can anyone offer advice or thoughts about this? My first priority is my marriage. My husband is excited for me but naturally he is nervous about it. I feel the same way, naturally. We're open, honest, and we wouldn't deceive one another. Thoughts? Thanks so much. Sorry so long.
Just don't assume that your friend and her boyfriend are as stable a unit as your husband and you. You could be in the act and boundaries not be respected and when it's 2 v 1 it's going to be real hard for you to protest. Shit happens in the heat of the moment - ask your husband what his reaction would be if your friend or the boyfriend broke any of those agreed upon rules. Never done anything like this myself - but that would be what i would worry about.
Wow...for sure this has been carefully thought through...down to the last detail. My opinion, if you are absolutely sure your husband is OK with it, and you absolutely trust your friend to follow the rules, you should go for it. Having said that...two thoughts. First, have you thought about having a bi experience with your friend alone? This may fulfill your need to explore new things without the problems that another man could cause. Or, two, be prepared to, if necessary, walk away from the scene if you become uncomfortable. Just my two cents.
Yeah, have an exit strategy. Never know what could happen. Would be better if your husband was there probably. Would ensure proper behavior by the friend/boyfriend.
I say no. Your emphasis seems to have been your husband - but you don't seem to have trust with this friend's boyfriend -- he's the one that you'd be messing with. Until you and your husband trust him to follow all your rules, and treat you with respect, I would not recommend doing it.
first off YOU need to be 100% comfortable with it, then worry about everyone else. Everyone else is a concern too though. You need to know that you can trust the other people involved and everyone will respect the boundaries. Like other people said, sometimes things get carried away in the heat of the moment. What happens if you end up kissing the other guy? I agree that you husband being there might be a good idea. Not only to make sure things are ok, but some guys really enjoy watching. All that being said, there are lots of people out there that do things like this. As long as you comfortable and ready to accept anything and everything that might happen-come of it, go for it!
SJB01 I hope you will let us know what happens after the 31st. It will be interesting to see if you took anyone's advice, if you go through with the threesome, and if so, if you enjoyed it.
At first I thought this thread was just going to be about like bringing another person in with you and your husband. Now you're talking about having sex with two people who aren't your husband... that seems like a lot to take. Have you had any experiences with just you and your friend? you might want to start there and see how your husband deals with that before going for a full on threesome where he's not involved at all.
If both of you are not completely secure in your relationship and with each other the threesome is a bad idea.
I say do it! I've been in somewhat similar situations before, and if you feel like it's something that you really want to do, then you should and not pass up what could be a positive life experience for you...Jealousy is a hard thing to deal with sometimes, but it's really just an emotion planted by our monogamistic society that we're trained from birth to feel (for the most part...), with practice you learn to shed it! Have fun and enjoy...
I don't know why people ask other people if they should have a threesome. Only you can possibly know if that's something that your relationship can handle. Frankly I'd be wary of the whole thing because a lot of guys like to be open minded and "not be jealous" but once the event has actually happened they really can't handle it and it slowly just erode the whole relationship.
It sounds like you've planned it out percisely and your husband is on board, so I'd say go for it, although I agree with the previous posters that your husband's groundrules may be compromised in the heat of the moment
Oy, hubby sounds more like your Dad And yeaahhs, anykind of fun is better if you plan it out months ahead What might catch you by surprise is that if you go through with it, it might not be anywhere near a big deal you thought it might be, you might find it doesnt change anything...........but your hubby already knows this
I also agree with most of the posts here, but you seem to also - you are happy your hubby is on board, but you seem to still have a few doubts. Maybe that is a sign it is not the right time, or your instincts are warning you about something, not sure! Like you said though, it's fairly well planned. Is it kind of odd that your friend approached you, a married woman, to join in with them? I would have thought they would look for a single person, or offer your hubby to be involved too, or perhaps approach your hubby (or both of you at the same time) and ask if he thought it was ok first? Was asking you first a way of maybe seeing if you would do it behind his back? As if that was the case they probably don't care so much about the ground rules. I obviously dont know your husband, but sometimes guys want to do whats best for their partner no matter what, and even think they can handle certain things - but only when it happens will they really know. It is possible this could just be a seed planted for your husband at first but when he asks how it went and everything if something doesn't add up it might cause that seed to grow and have him wondering if boundaries were crossed etc and theres no way he could even know for sure. Probably sounds crazy but i think it can happen. So like others have said i think it's best if he is there, watching or joining in? Just so you are all together and everything is out in the open. And maybe an extra rule for no one to pressure him to allow braking any rules in the moment either, just so no one asks. Anyway like i kinda said somewhere in that mess of words, the fact you are still wondering if you should go ahead with it may be a telling factor, and a lot of others have thrown up concerns to consider also... so im not sure what you would make of all that but best of luck in whatever you decide... in fact if i remember right it was in July so all of this post is irrelevant now! Hope it all went well for you guys x
No Not yet at least. Wait till your older and stuff has lost its fire completely. Then do some crazy stuff. Till then, know that you guys are a TOTAL minority in being together for so long and being a virgin before hand. Thats what, like .1% of the population? Plus, if you do it now and you get used to or bored of it, what will you do when your older?
I am very much like you. I have been with my husband for 10 years now, married for 5. He was only my 2nd guy and so i lack experience and have so much more i want to try when it comes to sex. He on the other had has have lots of GFs in the past but he is a bit boring in bed, another reason i want more excitement. It's great that your husband is open to the idea of you trying new experiences. If my husband allowed me to do the same i would jump at the chance. But i too love him and our family and marriage comes first. If he were to allow me to sleep with other guys then i would in turn have to be able to allow him to do the same with other girls. It would be something we both have to be very open about. Think of this situation if it's the other way around. Would you allow your husband to join in a 3some? Would you get jealous? If you're not open to the idea of your husband doing something like that then maybe it's not a good idea for you to do it even if he's ok with it.
