Evil Me - Reading Request

A couple weekends ago I had the startling realization that I was most likely a fairly evil and somewhat psychically dangerous person in a previous life or lives...and in fact, probably still am. There's a residue in my psyche of a tendency and ability to seek psychic retribution as a way of getting people to do what I want or making them pay if they don't. It seems I was somehow born knowing how to do this, so I'm thinking it's residue from previous lives. It's taken me almost six decades in this life to clearly see this in myself and face up to it. Maybe I just didn't want to admit it to myself.

A few years ago on another forum, somebody told me that in this life I have very strong spirit guides to keep me in line. At the time I resented this, because I felt I had been unfairly psychically imprisoned. Now I realize why - I need to be kept from harming anyone, and I need to be reined in and encouraged to choose emotional discipline and unconditional love instead of retribution.

In 2003 I wrote an email to my spirit guide Deanna basically asking why she was treating me badly. She wrote back and said that I would keep having this kind of experience until I dealt with something I have inside me. I didn't know what she meant - I think I know now. A lot of events in my life that were mysteries are suddenly starting to make sense with the addition of this key puzzle piece.

When I first got on this forum in early 2007, PsychedelicGoddess suggested I try to look at my previous lives. So I started intending that result, and while I was snoozing on the train one day, I had a vivid vision of an old but strong man with long white hair in a topknot, who seemed to be some kind of spiritual leader, and who also had kind of a judgmental and controlling disposition. I immediately awoke, and telepathically asked Deanna, "Who?" She answered, "You."

This thread is by way of confession for one thing, because I think I need to become more and more transparent about who and what I am. It's also a request for further information that might be useful to me at this point, whether it's about past lives or my current or future life. I got the impression from Old Crone a couple years ago that I was probably not ready for some information. I'm thinking that now I might be ready for more - although it seems like I've managed to uncover a great deal on my own - with lots of help from my spirit guides.

So I would be grateful for any readings or info - random insults are also helpful - don't worry, my spirit guides will protect you from me.

 

Choose because it is true.

 

Choosing is a moment-by-moment action. I'm supposing it will get easier and more automatic with practice.

 

yea me too. i was evil in my past lives, and i'm kinda evil in this life as well...

 

You have only one choice and it is yours. The apparent conflict of choosing is in choosing in relation to what you perceive as exterior incentives, instead of choosing what you want.

It is difficult, by virtue of cultural indoctrinations, to determine what we want. The most common application when considering this question is what do you want to be when you grow up however this does not take any accounting of what we want and we are pigeon holed into the impression that we are incomplete. Our education in politically correct humility would dictate that we want "just enough to be comfortable", however our desire is much more pointed.

What we want is total satisfaction in every moment. We want the world and we want it now. Unbounded satisfaction, no more striving, Peace. We learn to ask the question, what is it for?

 

I don’t know if you believe in the theory of the multiverse, but the root cause of your distress is not in yourself or in your past lives but in your many other selves who exist in parallel dimensions.

The choices and decisions you make affect their lives, and the choices they make affect yours.

we have free will but are limited to the number of paths we may follow.

So many people live out their lives in frustration and never quite understand why they never lived up to expectations or feel they way they feel.



Hotwater

 

Hi Zengizmo

I have heard told that in the deepest recess’s of this vault that resides in the Akashic records, there is this log book, or manuscript if you will. Some say it is a story while others say every word is true and written so we would not forget. This writing was made before time existed and is titled Beginning Again.

Beginning Again

All life lived and breathed around this center figure known as the God-Self without pain and need. Much like a hub on a wheel all things moved with one intent. The God-Self was loving, kind, and gracious. The only challenge that presented a desire for change from this awareness was the cry of the living wanting to become as loving as the God-Self. The God-Self wept knowing what this would cost each individual. But the God-Self understood that love was something you must become in order to be well and whole.

So with tears falling like a heavy rain the God-Self opened this door of understanding for all who would wish to go in. What the living had not understood was that in order to understand how good and loving one could be they would also have to face how terrible and bad they were also capable of becoming. This was what had made the God-Self weep.

The living, as they willingly stepped through this door created wars, rapes, jealousies, pain, prisons, and tore apart the very fabric of all they once knew. Innocence was lost. Sorrows grew. Then came the consequences named selfishness, greed, bitterness, fears to many to name, and dis….ease. Religions were formed seeking away to escape and in their greed they used what was for good as a poison fruit that turned on all who came here looking for peace. The words exclude, lies, death, separation, blame, scars, were now defined. The meaning of love was perverted and used for bondage instead of the openness the living had once known.

What was learned from this was no one can save another from their choices and life. What we live is far more important than what we say we live. To become love is a choice as much as to become evil is also a choice. When one gets lost in the WOW, I am so bad, or good, they loose the point of what being connected is all about. To get out of balance, grasping and clinging emotionally out of a need for power and driven by fear is to bind yourself with excuses, and co-dependence that destroys. When we know how bad we can be, will we not also understand our power to choose good as well?

The sacred and the profane walk side by side much like a priest that is also a pedophile, or a lover who goes from one flower to the next never returning to see the chaos that sometimes follows a trust freely given. Parents turn on children and children learn how to turn against their parents as the sacredness of families is shattered.Friends turn against each other. New born babies are picked from garbage bins. Whores, prostitutes and seduction follows us like fleas on a dogs back. Our mother the Earth gives us abundance and we give thanks as we ravage the land.

The time is here for all of us to awaken to the path we are choosing to walk.

What are we looking for? Maybe we should define forgiveness, harmony, respect, honor, and a thousand other words. We can not undo what we did, But we can Choose to Become the Love we once cried out for.

Now we have a new awareness, might we cry out ""For The Greater Good"" instead of remaining victims of the choices we made.

Have you watched the movie Zu Warriors? Without Becoming we are forever lost in the rolls we take on. As we become the student as much as the teacher we will walk in both wholeness and wellness. You can not have wholeness if you are not also well within. Keep in mind Disease begins in the thoughts and minds of all that lives. Thought forms create energy forms in recognition to the vibration of that which we wish and choose to create with our intent, from this moment on. Here in is where a new earth and heaven are formed. Our power is in our choices.

Want to change what you were......Change how you think.

 

zengizmo
Spawn of Satan

 

I regard positive and negative as positions of relative intensity within a bandwidth of perceivable phenomena. In a primordial state of intense singularity we find joy so intense as to present itself as unbearable angst, an excitement that could not be contained. Gratitude remains our highest state.

 

Back in 2003, when I was talking to my spirit guide Deanna about women, she told me, "You don't need women. What you need is inner peace." And then of course, she did her utmost to ensure that I wouldn't get any women. LOL To help me find inner peace, of course. And she's been steadily leading me in that same direction ever since.

So that's where I'm finding myself right now - closing in on that inner peace more and more. And it helps to get that confirmation from you.

 

Never heard of this concept, Hotwater, but it sounds interesting. I'll have a look into it.

 

Thank you, Old Crone. I had been thinking along these lines myself - that finding and accepting my darkest aspects at some point on my spiritual journey is part of becoming whole. At one point I was thinking that, oddly, I really don't want to give up my darker aspects. Then the thought immediately followed that I don't need to give them up - they're just a part of me that I need to acknowledge and be aware of. I don't need to wallow in unworthiness - just observe and continue moving forward. Obviously wallowing in "badness" is simply a continuation of "badness." LOL Labeling myself "Spawn of Satan" is a way of laughing and moving forward.

And yes, "with our thoughts we make the world." And ourselves.

 

That's me, all righty. The baddest of the bad. LOL

btw - scorpio1 friended me. LOL Curioser and curioser.

 

Thank you, my friends.

 

I struggled with the issue of companionship for a long time. Peace it turns out, is companionable to everyone and it's comfort draws community.

 

Case closed. Because it is true.

 

Don't dismiss the mystery, dope.

 

She TOLD me it's true - which is why I don't believe it.

 

Beyond our questions are our creations and they are lovely.

 

Who is the one asserting they are lovely, and why?