What Pills R U On Right Now?

2 mgs xanax and maybe 20 mgs morphine, licked the spoon from a couple shots of it last night. Also a few milligrams 073

 

Right now I'm on two lorazepam, one mirtazepene, and 4 bowls of pot with it. I'm still awake somehow.

 

ah lorazepam sux!!!!!! 2mg klonopins and 2mg xanax.some weed.fucked up day.rearend my friends car this morning with the towtruck.was just talking to my old nieghbors daughter who i havent seen or talked to in 4 years and found out she wants to fuck me.want to leave her fiance and go with me.holy fuck

 

That sounds pretty crazy :S

 

Dude.....FUCK mirtazapine. I told the doctor he could fuck himself after he gave me that shit. It's the shittiest anti-depressant in the world, and it sucks for getting me to sleep. I'd rather take some SSRI's or SNRI's, and I HATE SSRI's and SNRI's.

 

NO JOKE!!!

I'm on:
-300 mg morphine sulphate CR
-24 mg hydromorphone
-52.5 mg hydrocodone (which since I ain't done an extraction, 5250 APAP with that)
-60 mg amphetamine salts (generic Adderall)
-8 mg clonazepam
-60 mg temazepam
-32.4 mg belladonna alkaloids (specifically hyoscyamine, atropine, & scopolamine)/phenobarbital (generic Donnatal)
-50 mg diphenhydramine (allergies, that time of the year)
-20 mg zolpidem tartrate

I'm feeling just about right!

 

*jealousy*

 

It's crazy what a combination of being smart enough to "show" symptoms of 'alleged' health issues/knowing the pharmaceutical nomenclature & actually having some legit issues to work through will do to win over even the most jaded of docs. Seriously. Every single one of them thar pills is prescribed in my name, and usually carisoprodol is a part of regimen too! It's all legal for me, as the US gov't has declared me "permanently & totally disabled" & for that, I've even gotten medical marijuana for several years to boot (and unlike most folks, my shrink actually supports it, has written me for Marinol in the past to throw off the drug tests at pain clinics, and finally, since my shrink has written my weed scripts for me, friggin' MEDICARE has footed THAT bill almost every, single, solitary time I've renewed my card!!! So unlike most folks, I've only ever paid like $25 for a weed card instead of what is it in Cali, I think around about $150-$175 for the average Joe Schmoe, lol).

On the downside, I've been on opiates/opioids & benzos for a little over six years, did a stint in rehab this past Feb. and discovered that when deprived of my meds, much to my dismay, that I have some seriously fucking BAD MOTHERFUCKIN' addictions; I ain't got a CLUE how to break 'em either short of ibogaine treatment and intensive physical/psychological therapy: If that even works with benzos the way it does with opiates/opioids. But meh, the bottom line for me is that I accept that I'm basically a doctor-made junkie from a nasty car accident and the trauma from my girlfriend's death before my eyes during the time of my car wreck; so it's all good now (and the use of psychedelics and MDMA have really helped my PTSD... I just wish I didn't have for real chronic back pain, then I'd enjoy my pain meds so much more). Anywho, tho', I just roll with the punches, take my drugs, and enjoy the ride while it lasts!

I can say this of rehab even, tho': There, they couldn't even break my benzo habit. They tried by putting me on Librium instead of Klonopin & Restoril, but failed & had to dose me with Ativan more than once. Shit, they even gave me Tramadol (& Roboxin instead of my Somas) in rehab just 'cause my opiate/opioid addiction is so nasty (and borderline muscle relaxer addiction), and if you've been to rehab--which I have twice in my days--you *KNOW* they *HATE* dosing out shit like that since it's not *really* cutting you off from your dope.

I honestly only went two and a half days without anything but the Librium and occasional Ativan whilst there, and I was there a week, heh. First thing I did when the judge honored my release and I was sprung from that hellhole was take a handful of all of my pillzzzzz! But chriminy! Being a Ward of the State (I OD'ed, that's how I ended up in rehab... I went comatose and possibly flatlined, it was a trip... not a good one, but a life-affirming one in a weird way. Now I kinda live along the lines of a Hunter S. Thompson-esque philosophy. I like being outta my skull rockin' a good buzz and like the idea (tho' I'm NOT suicidal, I just share the view) that at any moment I could end it all and ultimately I'm in control not just of my own life & how I choose to live it, but also my death. I'm not out to get a gun and blow my brains out, but still, as a philosophy, death isn't really scary once you've experienced it/nearly experienced it (whichever was my case, and frankly, it doesn't matter to me either way really). But heh, yeah, I more or less died to end up in rehab by OD'ing on TONS of shit. Thank heavens they let me out, or off to the state hospital I woulda gone. Now *THAT* I'd rather be dead than deal with, for realz. Rehab is bad enough, but mental hospitals are FAR WORSE. I've been in two of those, too. Anyway, where was I? Oh yesh. Addiction. It's a bitch, but an intrinsic part of my life, and I accept that part of my body's chemistry now relies on junk like clonazepam & hydromorphone & amphetamines. I'm prob'ly sounding kinda twisted or maybe like a downer, but truly, I feel great being high like this right now & in spite of the downsides, I am a happy camper to actually legally get all this shit; it does add to the quality of my life 'cause I really do have PTSD & chronic localized back pain (resultant from breaking my neck/back in three spots and living to tell the tale, only, with five separate distinct pain related issues in my neck/back).

Bottom line, ya ain't got nothin' to be jealous of. If you'd been through what I have, you'd be doped out by the docs, too.

It is odd, however, that I've benefited the most from self-medicating with MDMA for my PTSD. even at http://www.maps.org they support the legalization of 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine, aka, "E" in moderation & in conjunction with psychotherapy & lastly, only temporarily, but still, they've PROVEN it works to alleviate most symptoms of PTSD. If it becomes legal, which they're pushing for (donate peeps!), I'm gonna talk my shrink into E-Therapy, lol.

Drugs, drugs, drugs...

Sorry for rambling guys, 60 mg of Adderall insufflated tends to turn me into a chattering, quasi-philosopher, lol.

 

200 Mgs of caffeine mixed with other crap.

 

I don't use it to get high but i was coming down and couldn't sleep so I took one to help me get some rest.

 

hahahaha Don't apologize for rambling. You're post was very interesting, which seems to be pretty common with you, and I enjoyed reading it

I've never been addicted to opiates, but I've definitely been addicted to benzos; namely alprazolam. I began getting scripts last year of 120mg of alprazolam per month. That's not much, but I always ended up eating all of them within 1-2 days. The last time I got the script, I ate ALL 120mg within a couple of hours, as well as 31 benadryls(775mg of diphenhydramine) and I was FUKT UP. I woke up the next morning in a homeless shelter in Atlanta and I stayed there for a month or so. After I left the shelter, I went to rehab program in January. I stayed there for about a month, also, and I haven't taken xanax since then. Xanax/benzo withdrawals are fuckin terrible. I only experienced them once though, which makes me think it was a good thing that I always took all of my xanax so quickly, as opposed to spacing them out and maintaining a physical addiction. It was more of a psychological addiction than anything, but I did allow myself to become phsycally addicted to it once. I spaced my 120mg out over about 4 days one month, and when those 4 days were over, I began having some creepy hallucinations and my anxiety was through the roof.

Doesn't sound as like I got to the point you've gotten to, which I guess is a good and bad thing, but it was still pretty crazy. The thing is, when I was living like that, it felt like that's how my life was supposed to be, but I wasn't even enjoying my drug use anymore; I was just using to feel normal. I went through every month just looking forward to when I could get my alprazolam script refilled, but I always ended up taking them within a day or two and it pissed me off. lol I actually needed them so I could sleep and I needed them for anxiety, but I just couldn't stop myself from eating them as quickly as fucking possible. Now that I've cut out the benzos, I am back to the point where I can actually enjoy my drugs, without feeling like I NEED them.

 

20mgs OxyContin IV, 30mg OxyContin intranasal .

 

perscribed abilify and asprin yeah im kindof lame

 

1 1/2mg xanax,2mg klonopin,a joint.a bowl and the joint roach.yup i wanna sleep

 

4.5mgs klonopin, and 2 somas (700 mg) and a couple bowls of kush. Munchin and feelin niice.

 

prolly bout to pop another mg and call it a night

 

im on opium, weed, xanax, alcohol

 

lorazepam and adderall (taken with magnesium)
oh and i have been smoking weed all morning!
that's it for now

 

pretty much every day last week : 3 lines perc 10s, 1-3 budweisers, and a joint.

this week so far: 1-4 mg xanax, 1 gram pot smoked on average.

 

klonopin, xanax, weed, alcohol, opium