Trouble getting ERECTION on FIRST NIGHT with a Girl

Whenever I am in bed with a girl for out first time together I find it hard to get an erection, I basically many times have NOT got hard, and that opportunity for sex has gotten away from me. Now these instances have been basically the only night we have been in bed together, whether a one night stand or what I thought was gonna be the first of many nights with a girlfriend.

I have no trouble getting an erection with a girlfriend once I have started to sleep with them, it isn't the first night obviously and I've become comfortable with them. So that's not the issue. The FIRST NIGHT is the problem.

I've had this problem in the past but it is only until recently that I met a girl who I thought there might be a relationship with. We ended up in bed together on the first date (we met twice before though). Played about in bed, my dick refused to get hard. We stopped seeing each other a while later for many reasons why people do.

Yet I can't help but think that my poorformance in bed dick wise had something to do with this. Now she was very forward flirt wise and is a pushy person when it comes to anything physical. She makes the move to snog with me all the time for one thing. I all gives me the POSSIBLE impression that she might have been pushing for sex on the first night, a bit of a nymphomaniac or sex crazed person MAY have been inside her. The way she would talk about sexual things quite openly or shockingly forward etc gives me this impression.

So I think me not giving her what she wanted in bed was part of why we 'split up' or didn't become a proper boyfriend/girlfriend

But mostly it's nerves. OK - FEAR. What many problems we have in life are about - Fear. I'm scared of many things, how'll perform etc. I also find it hard to get an erection if I'm not relaxed because of the mental connection we have. I'm not at ease with her because of how we 'connect'. A bit intimidated that this girl is a sex mad expert and demands more than I can give and if not, she'll kick me out of bed. Or the nearest thing, stop what we're doing an sleep, and then not want me to see her again - "He's shit in bed".

I blame myself for so many things why me and the recent girl stopped seeing each other (it was her call) and my poorformance in bed was one of them. She basically said that it wasn't, but I don't believe her. I'm cynical about girls but that don't mean I'm wrong about them. I think Mr Floppy Face was a contributing factor.

So, any help, please tell me people. You've all been great in discussion with other guys, and I really think you're the ones that are gonna help me solve this the best. So I'd really love to hear from you.

 

So what you're saying is that your fear of not being able to function in bed is causing you to not function in bed, which is increasing your fear of not being able to function in bed.

This is called a vicious cycle. It's a thought loop that has no logical solution to it; you must halt the chain at some point, and you can either do it by (a) functioning in bed while you're afraid of functioning (which you probably won't be able to do), OR, (b) not being afraid of how you're gonna function in bed when you jump into bed.

(b) is your ticket. Relax. It will be ok. You are the one who is expecting and demanding so much from yourself that you can't get hard. YOU need to give yourself a break man. You put so much pressure on yourself to get hard that you overwhelm yourself and don't get hard. The way to get hard and function in bed is to relax, let go, not ask anything of yourself, and just flow

and if you should still not get hard, do not go back to original thought cycle, instead laugh, say "Yep, business as usual!" and try again, and again, and again, until you find yourself in bed with a girl for the first time and you don't CARE whether or not you "will be able to function" because you ARE functioning, because you don't care!

 

It's natural to be nervous when you're trying sex with someone you've never been with before, and this can make it difficult to get an erection. Don't let it worry you, the important thing is to relax, take your time and enjoy some foreplay. If she doesn't mind giving head, great, that should get you there. Otherwise let her give you a handjob until you're hard. After you've had sex with them a time or two, erections tend to come more easily.

 

OP,

Please take what I will tell you seriously.

If you have this kind of psychological problem, this very kind of problem, then I strongly suggest that you use Viagra or Cialis on your first time with someone. You won't need it ever after, as once you feel confidence that you have done it well, the next time you'd do even better without this stuff.

Once I realllllllllly wanted to be with a certain girl, long years ago, and when we got together for the first time, given that I was younger with MUCH less sexual experience, I failed to have a proper erection, which drove me so crazy, and she was really sweet and kind. She told me that it's ok, that she wants me for me...etc. and this killed me even more, because I am sexually very very healthy!!!

Next time I was with her, which was a few days after the first time, I took Cialis, and OH...MY...GOD! I don't need to tell you what happened but I am sure you can imagine!!! She was more than impressed, and I told her that I was really nervous first time, which was the truth anyway.

Next time (s) we had it I never used this crap again, and I did even better than when I was using it.

Simple and effective.

 

yeah its a tough cycle to be in, but youre not alone obviously. I have had the same thing in the past, just worrying about what they would think if it didn't happen, before it had even happened. Sometimes I put it down to the fact I wasn't that attracted to the girls. I used to have sex a lot just for the sake of it...

but you could try just not planning on having sex, maybe even tell a girl you dont wanna go all the way the first time or at first or something, then you can have fun without the pressure, and sex might just happen on its own when the time is right.

Like said before though, just relax and dont worry about it too much. Remember shes there because she wants you, not just for sex, for you and for some fun. no one said you cant tease the crap out of her with your tongue and fingers either thatll leave her wanting more, not less.

but hey, this is a common thing, so keep your chin up

 

And also your .....

LOL.

BEST LUCK.