I don't hate the world anymore

I honestly do not know. I move on in life but I cannot say I am comfortable with my personal demons.

At times I think I am over my past, but then something happens and they come out.

Defending myself from myself seems almost impossible. It is like they are embedded in my mind.

A few years after I got off the streets, I went on a date with a nice woman. Everything was fine until she got me a glass of water.

The second she gave it to me I realized I did not see her pour the water into the cup. I immediately panicked and started shaking and ran out of her house and drove home. I was shaking all night.

When I was on the streets someone put drugs in something I was drinking.

They thought it was funny.

To this day I am very cautious about drinking anything that I have not poured myself.

 

I believe you are basically a good man and have an interesting story to tell. I have found you an interesting person as well. The responses are enlightening--enjoy your life,friend. Thanks for sharing.

 

Everybody has things that stay with them. Different people will refer to them as different things. We retain such things because memory is fundamental to the success of human life. By success I mean the preservation. I remember so I'll know how to eat when I become hungry. I remember so that I'll know how to do my job so I can make money. Memory is nothing more than a survival instinct. However it cannot always filter out the bad. Perhaps we remember bad things as a survival instinct as well? They may haunt us, make our lives unhappy, but perhaps they're wholly necessary in order for us to successfully (surviving) go forward in life. By remembering the bad we can choose to avoid potential harm when it presents itself later.

 

objectively, it is much easier to make money if you don't care about others.

 

Metabolism is above all a sacrificial fire.

 

Had a great laugh about the first part of your post.

To avoid confusion: If I am in Central or South America and posting here...I am very stoned.

If I am vacationing in USA incarcerated, I am not stoned.

Skip I do not know if there is any hope. It seems that people have lost their backbone and resolve.

I decided to move out of the USA becase of it.

But what I discovered is most of the rest of the world is just lying down and taking instructions from the USA and the large corporations.

It makes me sick. The governments are encouraging the burning down of the rainforest in order to "develop" the land into something "useful".

Then I see governments selling corporations the rights to land that the indigenous people have been using and living on for generations.

The companies come in and bulldoze the land and the people are throw out of their homes.

I do not know what to do.

 

Perhaps it is.

But I am not going to stop caring.

 

I know you were talking to someone else. But when I talk of personal demons. It is like something that rises in me, in an instant.

There is no real logical reason for me to freak out when I do not see someone pour a drink for me. I am in a different place than I was. I am not on the streets anymore.

Other times people are real nice to me and I instantly flash back to when people were being nice to me on the streets, so I would go with them so they could get me alone and try to hurt me.

I am not in the street world anymore. Those fears are not logical where I am now. But they rise up instantly.

Don't get me wrong. I can control it and appear normal and I am a heck of a lot better now. It only happens rarely now.

But every now and then the fears or demons rise.

 

I am very concerned about that.

I am fighting with the Belize government about what they are doing to the ocean. They are destroying the big coral reef. The same thing that brings in scuba divers and Eco tourists.

I am loosing the battle.

 

I know what you mean. You are speaking of neurological pathways of association. You sort of relive these experiences in a visceral way because there is living tissue that actually shunts stimulus into these associative patterns. It is the reason you can see a forest of trees without having to examine every tree. You have an interior map of the world so to speak and that map is formed by the actual growth of neural networks. It really has nothing to do with a lack of control or reason.

These, take you back associations are formed during a period of intense electrical activity and could be likened to a form of scarring. Just as it takes time and effort to recover the full function of an injured muscle, it is also true of the brain as we grow new patterns.

 

B4 U, MY WHOLE LIFE WAS ACAPELLA!!!!

just so u knw.

 

I am not sure I know what you are saying. Help me out here. I think my mind is psychologically fried right now.

 

i never "hated" "the world" to begin with. just almost always enjoyed being by myself, more then around humans. still do.

(trains and computers fascinate and gratify me. humans and money do not.)

 

Its good that you do not hate the world anymore. It can't help the fact that it is such a bitch.

 

Thanks for sharing that website.

 

What should our caring look like?

 

I'm not going to quibble with you about semantics in discussing my imperfections. neither do I see the need to itemize them for your approval. I am what I am.

 

I am not suggesting that you itemize your imperfections. I could care less what you think is wrong with you. That you think something is wrong is my point. I am somewhat taken aback by your response. You are what you are there is no doubt. I would suggest that you are perfectly what you are. For you to say you have imperfections and for me to say that is not so, doesn't seem to me quibbling about semantics. It seems to me a fundamentally divergent view.
How vociferously would you defend your right to be "imperfect?" Where is the ideal that we draw upon in order to compare the perfect to the imperfect? If you follow the idea of personal imperfection we may find it's origin to be culturally induced.
Our view of ourselves diverges greatly from our regard for all other things. We do not say to ourselves, there goes a perfect bird or there goes an imperfect bird, or this sodium chloride is perfect while this other sodium chloride is not. Instead of being told, "we do things this way", without prejudice, we are told we are bad or good for doing things one way or another. This lesson seeks compliance and it does not teach understanding of the human being.
My premise is that all anxiety is caused by the misapprehension of what is so, and this includes our perception of ourselves.