I wanna get married but what if he doesn't?

I've been dating someone for 4 1/2 years now. We are both 25 years old and honestly, I'm not ready to get married right now. But in a couple years, it doesn't sound like a bad idea.

I never had feelings like this for anyone and never been in love with anyone before him. He feels the same way about me and him and I are great together. We not only have been dating for 4 years but we've also been best friends for years. We're still able to tell each other anything and the trust is there 100%. But people often forget we're dating because we're not attached at the hip. We don't see each other every day and even when we lived together we had separate bedrooms. We appear very secure and are pretty independent. We're always happy around each other and feel comfortable together. We never get sick of each other or fight. We kinda just do our own thing but I think it makes our relationship stronger. We both can picture being together forever but he does have medical issues. He has chronic back pain that makes it difficult to do normal tasks. He works and when he gets out of work, I really don't see him as much because he needs to rest. As much as it hurts me to see him go through this, I am willing to stick with him through all his tough times. But he fears he's holding me back on life. He's not pushing away from me at all. He just thinks negative about himself and he thinks I'm crazy for sticking with him for this long. But he says I make him really happy and he feels blessed to have me in his life.

Lately for the past 6 months I thought about getting more serious with him. Maybe in 2-3 years, I might wanna get married. But him and I never discussed this but I always have this feeling that he never wants to get married. I don't think he really see's a point in marriage. I really don't see the point in marriage, other than building families and being committed to someone. But I'm not sure if I want kids or anything. I do like the idea of being committed and having a legal partnership, although I want my own bank account. lol. But I don't know if he wants to get married in a few years like I do. He says he wants to be with me forever, and wants to move to San Francisco together. He has told me in the past he doesn't want kids but then recently I told him I don't want kids (really, I'm undecided but leaning toward NO) and all of a sudden he acted like he someday wants kids with me. But then he hasn't commented on it.

I don't think he will ever propose and I don't think he has ever thought about marriage before. Should I ask him what he thinks about us getting married? Is it okay to ask him to get married in a couple years if my feelings are the same? If he doesn't want to get married, is it healthy to stay with him? I know I'd wanna stay with him but I'm not sure if that would be healthy. I know things could change in a couple years but should I just hope he'll someday propose or just ask him in a few years?

 

It's not a question of "should I ____" or "is it ok if I ____". What do you want to do? Do you want to ask him? Then ask him. Do you want to talk to him about marriage? Then talk to him.

As for whether or not staying together without getting married is healthy, that is up to the both of you. My brother isn't married to his live-in partner, yet they're practically husband and wife in their relationship. They even have a daughter. And the rest of us consider his partner as part of our family. So you can say that in their case it is healthy. In your case, it depends. Whether or not you get married, what are you two doing to nurture your relationship?

Now if you want to hope he'll someday propose, you can do that. Or you can just ask him. Personally, I'd take matters into my hands. Why wait for someone to make the first move when you can seize the initiative (especially if you're not even sure if he'll make the first move)?

 

Then I guess SOMEONEs not getting married.

 

If you are going to have a successful marriage then you will have to learn to make your feelings known to your partner, or your relationship will never work out.

 

Worst that can happen is he can say no. BFD. If you're that good of friends, that good of lovers, that trusting of each other, then just say something. If it scares him away (which I'm assuming is your main concern) then it wasn't meant to last anyway.