Has anybody lived with a depressed alcoholic...

I guess that I should first say that i don't really expect alot from this post because I know that alcoholics need to come through things on their own terms, there is nothing that one can do to force sobriety, and I'm sure his shrinks have worked on him.

Basically, I'm living with a depressed alcoholic and its hard to watch him do it to himself and its hard to live around him. He is a great guy that is not vioent or anything, but its out of hand. Its really something I wish his sons, who are close to my age, knew about because I think its mainly a family matter, but he hides it from them.

I think that he had alcoholic tendencies before, but some horrible personal things have forced him into drunkeness and depression. He buys half fifths of rum(375ml) every night and gets shitty to the point of slurring and not being socially conscious of what he says. He buys small bottles to limit his intake, but hides a bigger bottle so that he can make more drinks if he uses his daily bottle. Once he starts drinking, there is no stopping until he passes out. He makes it to work, but other than that, he is either drunk or sleeping. He recently got an DUI. He is lonely and wants me to keep him company, but, when he's drunk, he just repeats the same stories and rambles incessantly without letting another person get a word in edgewise, which is frustrating and not something I have time to do. I know that this self-focus is part of his depression.

I guess this is just a went about feeling frustrated and worried and not in a position to help. I care about him, but, at the same time, its not a good thing for me to be around.

I'm living here until the end of summer because its a good situation for my needs right now, but I can't do it for a long time. We were neighbors for a long time before I moved in, and I guess I just never aprreciated the depth of his problem.

Thanks for listening.

 

Yeah, my parents last year. Fuck them both, not sorry I didn't mean that, just fuck the one of them.

 

I've lived with my lady for a couple of years (just the two of us). Recently, a friend of ours hit a pretty shitty patch (job layoff, fights, suicide attempts, kicked out of his father's house) so we let him move in with us.

On the one hand, it is really hard to watch somebody self-destruct. And it happens (whether that means going out, getting drunk, and into a fight, or playing call of duty for 12 hours).

We're doing our best to help him out. I don't drink around him at all (he is trying to quit), we do our best to make sure he doesn't stay in the cave...

But you always have to keep in mind they have to help themselves too.

 

Maybe he just needs some love

 

My step father of six years drank every day he was happy drunk but at the same time he would get sad at times. I remember him buying a six pack at 8am of the morning and going back at noon for another six.

 

That's sort of funny, because I was just thinking to my self, it isn't even 8am yet and I am stoned as hell.

 

Yeah, I think this is the bottom line with him. He knows that he smokes too much(cigs and 420) and drinks in excess. He knows that he'd feel better and be healthier if he got out and took a walk. He admits to all this, but he has no interest right now in changing. Even once he's sloppy, he won't stop drinking until he is passed out. I've suggested that he go easy a couple of times, and his response is, "but I'm drinking tonight."

Part of the problem is that I'm not in a good place to be firm with him about interventions, completely honest with him, and what not. I feel that this is a family matter based on the complexities of his family situation; this is not a new thing to them. I do not want to drive the wedge in our living situation. I'm just a year older than his sons, so I think that makes him less receptive.

He does need love, but he also needs to make some choices on his own...And, I need to not get too involved to the point where its unhealthy for me.

 

That's the problem with depression, depressed people know what they're suppose to do, the problem is working out why they feel like they 'just can't'. I know it sounds like a cop out, but that's pretty much the nature of depression.

Having said that, none of it is your fault and I don't know your relationship with him, but on face value it appears, it's not really your responsibility either.

 

marijuana doesnt make you yet at your wife over stupid shit.

 

it does when you're out of smoke. i've watched this pattern many times now. i don't see quitting it as all at different for some as quitting alcohol and nicotine or whatever else low grade addictive substances. it keeps you from dealing with things you need to deal with and wham! when you're out you have to deal with them and yet totally unprepared to do so.

 

I totally agree with the habit forming abilities of marijuana. It causes dependancy in a lot of folk. Yeah, I can totally appreciate how MJ can cause relational/life problems.

It is not the same as alcohol or nicotine(which aren't "low grade addictive") in that MJ doesn't cause physical withdrawals. If you've ever seen an alcoholic with withdrawal tremors, you know what I mean. Also, they aren't in the same category in terms of health effects.

 

and you aren't very likely to get a DUI with MJ


Addicts must hit rock bottom, again, and again, and then maybe, just maybe, they will get sober. Then, they'll relapse.

I can say this, my mother was a functioning alcoholic throughout my childhood, she started A/A and was sober up until last year. Now, she drinks occassionally, I think.

 

She is right you know. For me it's ok, because I am very good at isolating myself. I just play violent video games or make a clay animation while listening to music, but I am far more easily agitated.

All though, in having said that, I was always easily agitated before I started smoking, so i dont know.

 

you're right about nicotine and alcohol, i suppose by low grade i mean "not meth." or something similar.

as for dui's while high, depends on the driver and how high. one of my most harrowing experiences ever was my future sister in law driving me home while totally baked.

 

My father was bipolar, manic depressive, depressed in general and an alcoholic. He died of Cirrhosis of the liver, a very lonely and unhappy man.