Hey everyone! I have a situation on my hands that I'm wondering how I should best handle. I've played around in threesomes/orgies/all of that stuff for a few years now. Recently, I've met a guy who I am really hitting it off with. He's in an open marriage, and we both understand that this has no romantic potential and is just about sex. So it's been a great time having fun and playing together. So far it has just been the two of us, though we have discussed bringing other people into the mix. About a month or so ago, his wife started expressing some interest in joining us. I haven't met this woman in person, but we have talked online, done some camming and picture sharing... that sort of thing. She seems really nice and open to this kind of thing and in general I think she seems pretty awesome. The problem is... I'm not at all attracted to her. She's just not my "type" AT ALL. And for me, group sex only works if I'm into everyone involved. I can't really get into the group if one of the people isn't sexy as hell to me. So my question is... how do I explain to this guy that his wife isn't really an option for a 3rd partner without hurting both his and her feelings?!? I mean, it's his WIFE so obviously he finds her sexy as hell. I don't want to say, "I don't think she's hot enough for me" and have it come off as a bitchy thing to say. At the same time, I just KNOW that I couldn't play with this particular lady. I don't know... anyone have any advice?
I disagree. He doesn't find her "sexy as hell" because he's sleeping with you. Open relationships aside.
Maybe I used to wrong choice of words. He had told me on numerous occasions that he thinks his wife is a very sexy and beautiful woman. From what I've known of her so far, I think she rocks on the inside... it's just the outside that I disagree with him on. Problem is... I don't really know how to explain this to either of them. HELP!?
tell him by including his wife, to you if just attaching more strings to something you wanted to stay simple- something you don't want to complicate, which her presence would. Or you would feel uncomfortable, because she is his wife and you would see yourself as 'the other woman', regardless of how open they are. They would have an emotional connection that you would feel ostracized from. OR Danggg, dat chick is uglly boi!
It's partly superficial and partly personality. She just isn't physically what I would say is attractive. I don't think she's ugly... but she's also just not my "type" of lady friend. I prefer guys so to hook up with a girl, she has to be HOT and I'm really picky about what I think is hot enough to play with. It's mostly her personality, though. She's really insecure about herself in general, but especially her sexuality. She comes across as one of those women who needs sexual adoration to validate herself and that's just... a HUGE turn off for me! She doesn't really have a lot of sexual experience either, and so that's another negative. But most of all it's this way she has of making it all about her. I mean... she just comes off as a really insecure, self-absorbed person and all of this tells me that if we were to play in a group, it would be all about her and not about the group. And that's just not what i'm looking for. So I guess I find her unattractive physically but especially in terms of personality. I don't think she and I could really be friends, let alone sex partners. I wish I could just tell her husband this, but I feel like saying these things the way I've said them now would sound totally bitchy no matter how I phrased it.
Okay, I'll 'enlighten' you... You are a liar and are apparently too stupid to realize that you just displayed it for everyone to see. What does it say about you when you can't even tell the truth when you are surfing anonymously?
First she is nice, awesome, rocks on the inside, and your reservations are about the lack of physical attraction. Fast fwd a day and the problem is about her personality, being that she is insecure, self absorbed, and not the type of person you could really be friends with. Seems to me you are going down different tangents grasping at anything to justify to yourself turning this woman down, but you dont have to. Whether the reason is she is dog ugly or unlikeable (or both) is irrelevant - if it does not sit with you it does not sit with you and too bad for anyone who does not like it. Sure beats the hell out of the alternative anyway and banging someone when your opposed to it just to please others. That said, you dont have to explain your reasons to them that bluntly. I'd use something along the lines that TIB has suggested and dribble something about, 'not doing established couples coz you feel like a third wheel',.. or something like that.
When a situation like this pops up, I find that copious ammounts of booze and pot often times help the situation.
Clearly I have failed to use the right words in this thread. When I said that I think she seems cool enough, I was referring to the fact that she knows I am sleeping with her husband and she doesn't care. That makes anyone cool in my book. She and I have things in common outside of sex and from what he originally told me about her, I judged her to be pretty alright. At first, I liked her. And then in between my first and later posts, I spent a few hours chatting online with the gal and decided that in terms of her confidence and sexual prowess, she turns me off. I found out that despite her general awesomeness, she is immature and selfish. It seems that she's this way both in life and in the bedroom. So, my opinion of her changed and what had at first been a superficial turn off morphed into a full blown disinterest based on looks and insides. I have a feeling she's the type of girl you'd like the first few times you hung out, but by the 5th time she called, you'd be hitting the "ignore" button. I don't like what lies beneath her facade of "coolness." That doesn't make me a liar or a stupid bitch. It just means that I'm a bit fickle sometimes, and perhaps too flaky when it comes to deciding how I feel about someone. Ivana is right, I shouldn't feel the need to justify not wanting to sleep with someone. I've always had a no couples rule, and as this situation and conversation has demonstrated, I clearly need to stick to my own rules, no exceptions. I'm going to simply say, "I don't mess around with couples, and even if I did, I'm simply not attracted to your wife" and leave it at that. And you know, I have to say that I'm disappointed in the way that y'all have reacted and treated people on this forum lately. When I joined this site back in 06, it was a friendly place where people gave support and advice, shared their lives, and in general built a community. We certainly didn't call people liars or judge their character based on a handful of postings spread out over a long period of time. Every time I have logged onto hipforums in the last year or so, I have seen less and less of what this site used to be, and more and more a place where people are judgemental pricks. I'm not only referring to CT "calling me out," but the way I see the majority of threads going in every category on here. I really appreciate that most of the people who have responded to my thread were trying to offer advice, but I am greatly disappointed that in lieu of support and fun, this site has turned into yet another place where people let their judgements come too quickly and harshly upon those they know little to nothing about. Thanks for your ideas and advice y'all, but I doubt I'll be back again. Happy trails to you.
