Issues with BJ's, porn, compatability and trust in general.

Thank you for explaining ChronicTom, however you were misunderstood as to what I said. I did NOT say that sex was 'work,' having intercourse with the husband is highly satisfying and enjoyable to both of us, and FAR from work.

What I DID say, was that I felt that oral sex involves too much effort for it to be worth the time when you have kids running around your house. Sometimes we luck out and get a babysitter, but thats normally not the case.

 

That's a good thing...

The rest? It isn't worth the effort to explain it....

 

If oral sex grosses you out then don't do it. But it might cost you the relationship.
You cannot expect him to give up what may be an important part of his sex life without the possibilty of that. And it sounds highly doubtful he's willing to do that by his comments.

My wife will not let me have anal with her even though I'd like it on occasion, but it's not important enough to cost us the relationship, but no oral at all and we might have never gotten married. A persons sexual preferences can be a very important part of a relationship. It's all part of finding a compatable partner.

He might be willing to accept it for being able to be with you, but would you be ok knowing you're depriving him of something very important to him?
In the back of your mind you will always think he resents you for that, even if he doesn't.

 

I think you are selfish. Its something guys like a lot. Just kake the best of it. If I was your boyfriend I would dump you.

 

Yeesh, you guys are cold. Some women really hate giving bjs. Often has to do with bad first experiences, but can also just be a personal taste thing. I mean, there are serious annoyances with it, for most. And the jaw ache thing does -not- make you strange OP. It's pretty normal, especially if he's thick.

Put your foot down. Every time he pesters you about bjs, tell him that's another week before you'll think about doing it again. Feeling under pressure/coercion is going to make it extremely unlikely you'll ever learn to enjoy it, make it more likely you'll hate it even more.

Personally, my enjoyment out of it has nothing to do with the act itself, it has to do with the fact that I'm pleasing someone, that I have full control over someone's pleasure. It's like a performance, like on stage, but ultimately personal and intimate. I like giving massages for the same reason.

It's possible that at some point something will flip over and you'll start to like it. It's also quite possible it will never be something you're comfortable with. But don't let yourself be coerced, or you'll hate it even more, and maybe slowly start to hate him...

Sexual incompatibility can be one of the saddest reasons for relationship failure. But it does happen. Not all guys are obsessed with getting head. I've known guys who are indifferent about it entirely, and others who actively dislike it. If the relationship fails, do mention your dislike early in the next relationship, and don't allow yourself to be pressured.

 

That the key right there, do you enjoy pleasing your partner?
If pleasing your partner sexually is your intention then oral sex is great, not a chore.
You sound as if you are just giving it the old kneel & bob technique and aren't opening yourself up to enjoying it. No wonder your neck and jaw are getting sore, use more tongue, less bobble head action.

Have you ever tried ice? how about Creme De Menthe? Cinnamon Shnapps (only for the daring)?, chocolate syrup? cold drinks, hot drinks, mouth full of Jello? They all can be fun and interesting for both parties.
Be creative and have fun with it and take turns doing each other.

My wife will literally blow chunks watching a porno movie, especially watching blowjobs and cumshots. It completely gross's her out.
But she gives me the best oral I have ever had and loves the way I taste and totally enjoys giving me very long and slow oral until I beg for release

It's that way because she doesn't think of it in terms of "having to give a blowjob" but rather approaches it as a way of giving me pleasure.

The thing that gets me the most horny is feeling a woman cumming while I am going down on her, nothing like being the sole instrument in giving someone an orgasm, or 5.

One of my favs is to do a hit-n-run on the wife, grab her when she's not expecting it, go down on her until she cums a couple of times then get up and go back to whatever I was doing, if she lets me that is.

 

I don't see why you are with someone that you don't enjoy pleasing.

Relationships should be willingly throwing yourself into another's arms, not submitting to a person.

Why are you with this man?

 

I personally don't mind giving blowjobs. However I have a TMJ, a jaw problem that makes it painful to do much more than about 30 seconds of it. What I do, and my fiance's fine with it, is I'll do as much as I can, licking and sucking and make sure to get it all wet and slick for when he inserts it. But I can agree that even though I love the fact that he's enjoying himself, that gives me pleasue, but it's much more mental and emotional pleasure than physical.

If you feel that he's basically harassing you on this subject though, confront him and if it continues, maybe it's not worth the relationship if you feel guilted into doing things you don't like. Of course there's always things you don't agree on in a relationship, and sexually, but if it's hurting you like that, that hurts the relationship in general. My opinion though.

 

Another way for the guys here to think about it: Imagine you are in love with someone, but they want something sexual that you find really, really gross. Like scat or something. Imagine if someone started saying that you were wrong or selfish for not wanting to pleasure your partner in that fashion. I mean, it's about pleasing one another, right?

I know this is hyperbole, but it's pretty clear it's not just that she doesn't like pleasing her bf, it's that she finds bjs in particular to be gross.

 

dude, you get kudos for doing the math....
lol

 

This part just reinforced why gay guys like being gay.

I love sucking cock. And giving long sensual massages where I get to explore the guy's bod most completely, licking and sucking certain parts as I get to them.

Also, no special washing or deodorizing - I like my guys to smell and taste like a guy - salt and sweat are stimulating. And altho I don't really like cum in my mouth, making a guy shoot off is fun for me and I love sharing our cum, like some form of blood brotherhood.

Too bad ur ol man is str8. I'm sure there are a lot of guys who would love to suck him off.

 

We can all use extreme examples of conduct to validate our own view about other conduct.

The answer is surely simple. OP doesn't like doing something. Either her BF accepts her as she is....or he doesn't.

Trying to change people to suit us is as daft as changing to try and suit people. You are who and what you are. Be comfortable in your own skin, and find a partner who wants that, not someone or something else.

 

It is not about what she has said, but how she has said it.

She shows no interest in truly making him feel good.

 

If she's talking to us rather than him, BJ frequency is not the biggest issue between them.

 

you do bring up a good point. When I have problems deciding I don't have problems asking friends for advice, but your definitely right about taking to the internet for advice not being the best possible thing. If you have no clue what to do, then I would say to take to the internet, but otherwise, talking to the boyfriend is by far the best thing she could be doing.

 

I'm a wife who gives the husband BJs alot. I enjoy it very much and don't mind sucking him off. But in my case, i'm the one not getting any action down there. It's been so long since i have a guy go down that i've forgotten how it felt. My ex used to do me all the time but i don't think the husband enjoys it, therefore i don' ask him to even though i really want him to. I won't feel good having him do something that he don' want to do.

 

Ditto! My bf has only done it a few times in a year.

The first time he squirreled out of there after a couple of minutes coz he got self conscious about me watching. lol - he is so weird, ..sometimes he is an ultra deviate and sometimes a total prude.

Second was great coz he was drunk, didn't care what he was doing, and it was like he couldn't get enough. YAY! What a shame I can make a regular drinker out of him lol.

Third I rekon was just a bit of half arsed charity tossed my way coz I complained a few times about how frustrating this is for me.

Whattya do tho? I know there is definately nothing wrong down there, .. in fact most guys make highly favourable comments and I consistently have been told that I taste 'sweet' - so it is just a 'him' thing. He'll lick my arse tho

People have suggested I stop giving him head to 'inspire' him, ..and I tried it, ..and I lasted about 3 days lol. I see it and I can't help myself lol. So damn it, that suggestion only makes me doubly deprived.

Guess I'll have to just live with it, coz I love the guy and am not going to flick him over this even if it drives me crazy sometimes. ho-hum

 

IDK what anyone can do. It is a mood thing perhaps. I was usually not into kissing, but every once in a while I would get into long passionate mouth play with my wife and now am really glad to find young men (usually Latinos) who are into passionate kissing.

I almost always did oral on my wife - most of the time as foreplay to wild fucking, but often she would have several screaming orgasms just from my fingers and mouth. That turned me on, having her crush my head in her thighs .

Now, granted I am weird, get turned on by smells and my wife would go without deodorant in her pits if she wanted me to get particularly out of control. I also liked the smell of her crotch, which has the same special sweat glands as the pits.

I think this is the natural turnon that we have been culturally conditioned against. May I assume that you don't "perfume" youself with some godawful artificial fragrance? Whether men admit it or not, I suspect all are turned on by the natural crotch smells (also ani glands for us ass lickers).

 

^^^^^

No, ... no perfumes or anything. For one I think that could cause irritation, ... and my natural scent is very subtle, never offensive, so certainly no need to try to mask something perfectly good with something that would probably then make it bad lol. I spose they could cop a taste of shit like that too if you put products there, and I know having had deodorant on my tongue before that would not be a good thing. So, no, just the usual bodywash in the shower, and a good rising of water for any potentially sensitive bits.

I have even questioned him the past to see if he found anything objectionable (just incase) and he swears no, it's all good. Yet, it can be a month of Sundays between him venturing there.

I spose at least he does like going to town on me with toys and stuff so I guess it is some compensation, ... but OMG sometimes I just want to pin him down and sit on his face and give him no choice in the matter lol.

 

^^^ ... just adding. I am sure it is a body fluid issue.

He once told me his ex had said she was 'marinating' his steak for dinner in her pants. Maybe coz he was well and truly turned off her years earlier, that grossed him out big time or something, because to this day I have to say I have 'flavoured' meat, coz if I drop the marinade word, he thinks of her, what she said, feels ill, and wont eat the meat.

Maybe she had a really nasty pussy or something and it psychologically effected him? lol

Yep, he definately has an issue tho.