Relationship Without Sex, Possible?

Ive been dating my girlfriend for six months now. Shes the greatest thing in my life without a doubt, the first person Ive fallen in love with. We love each other enormously and the past six months have been incredible. When we first started seeing each other, we intentionally put off sex, because we wanted to take it slow and see what happened. once we started to have sex, we did it pretty often, at least once a day. Many things changed since then, and for the last few months we've barely been having sex once a week. When we do have sex, its because I demand it, not because were both into it. In the past weeks, its become a big thing, we argue and I get angry and she just acts like its no big deal, which is frustrating. I know that when I say it like that it makes me seem like an asshole, but Im leaving a lot out for brevity. I cant help it, its enraging, particularly the way shes just so casual about it.

what it comes down to is this, she doesn't think that a relationship necessitates sex, and I do. Im worried that this is going to become an irreparable rift between us, but its certainly not going to go away, for me at least.

 

Been there and done that...so I do know what your going thru ,although I was in the same position as your lady.
Sex really isnt love , an you need to be careful she doesnt start to think thats all you care about...the more you push the issue , the more shes not going to want to , especially when you get angry , thats going to turn her off , and she will always remember the words you say .
Maybe try just cuddling....kissing..affection....dont push the sex thing...an see what happens ?

 

If it is not possible for you, then it's not possible for the two of you.

The problem to me, doesn't seem to be that she doesn't want sex - but that she doesn't even consider your needs.

I don't see the point of being in a relationship with someone that consistently puts their needs over yours.

 

It could be hormonal , or medical....the tiniest imbalance can toss a females drive into the toilet

 

I'm sure there are people out there who have relationships without sex...but they're missing a hell of a lot!

Maybe you should try asking her why she's gone off sex...find out what's going on in her head. You said you were doing it often...but you didnt mention if the sex you were having was any good?!...it might have been good for you, but was it for her? Maybe she's casual about it because it's just never been that mindblowing for her?!

I think the best advice anyone can give you is to really communicate with her...find out what turns her on, find out why she's gone off sex...and dont demand it, let her know how much you love her and want to give her pleasure and how much you want it to be an experience you share.

You said things have changed...maybe she's just stressed out...Make sure you have a relaxing romantic space and take your time discovering whats good for you both, let her know there's no pressure, and see where you end up.

Peace,
Z

 

Very possible, also very possible it won't work out in the end.
My best friend was dating a guy for afew months they got along really well but never had sex ultimately it gave their relationship a downward spiral. They're friends now still. But it's over between them as of yesterday.

 

It's definately possible to not have sex in a relationship, I mean, think of adolescent "relationships". True they're not really anything like adult relationships, but regardless, they are happy without it. My own personal belief though, is that sex can be a type of bonding moment (bonding not bondage! ) for a couple that brings your relationship to an entirely new level. If you're only having sex to have sex, then the sex is worthless, and if this is a huge issue, it needs to be resolved or you won't recover.

 

If you can rule out medical or hormonal then you are left with emotional. Perhaps you need to talk about what is emotionally going on with her. The sex could just be a symptom of that.

As a woman, if I withdraw sexually from someone, I have already emotionally withdrawn.

It is not as punishment or retribution, it is that if my mind and emotions are not engaged, then sexually there is nothing there, when in a relationship.

 

.....also, keep in mind that relationships have their ups and downs when it comes to sex and communication. If you guys have been together for a while this just might be a short period of time in which sex isnt something you both want. For sure pressuring her wont work. I went through a period of time in which I was depressed and realy stressed at work. The stress came home with me and I didnt feel like having sex. Having my husband pressure me made me want it even less. If you just giver her some space and allow her to work through whatever it is she is going through she'll come around and likely become more interested. Butr for sure...if you keep getting mad and pressuring her she's not going to want it. Also, it might be upsetting her that you demand it, which will only make the situation worse.

 

Wait, I was looking at this thread again.

Six months?

In six months, you took things slowly intentionally, have fallen in love, were banging daily for a while, and it's been months now that you've been barely having sex?

Quick work.

 

ya man, its the internet age, things happen instantaneously. To be fair, I was in love before we started dating, she just didnt know. theres more to it than I put in the first post though. For instance, she went on birth control, which was great, but I think it started to really mess with her bodies chemistry, her personality shifted in a weird way, and about that time we started to fuck less. she has a lot of family issues, and I get very stressed out from work, so theres times when were both all tense and pissed, the thing is thats when I most want to have sex, to relieve the stress, and then she doesnt, and I get pissed and more stressed. I dont know, Ive given up even talking about it with her, but I think about it all the time. theres no passion any more, I feel like an old married couple, it sucks.

 

I think in that last post you've answered your own question, it sounds as though a lot of things have been causing stress for your lady - her family situation, the birth control, you being stressed from work. Chances are if you noticed a personality change she did too, if she seems unfussed about not having sex it's probably becauseof several things.
With all the stress it's probably the last thing on her mind
If she equates sex to being on birth control and being changed that's a massive negative (take it from a girl, for some of us birth control makes you feel like shit)
If you only seem to want sex or mostly seem to want sex when you're pissed from work it's not likely to make her feel very special or valued.

Wait a while until the family issues die down then try and talk to her about all of this and let her know there are other options besides birth control - the coil for example.

 

I just had this happen to me a couple weeks ago, she was all for sex at the first of our relationship at least once a day, then a lot of stressful things were going on in her life, and she wouldn't do it as often. Then she moved and I seen her just on weekends and she thought that thats all I cared about cause I hadnt seen her all week and thought it would be a good time as any. Well she dumped me, and now I found out from one of her friends she was cheating on me, thats why she didnt want sex from me as much, not saying thats what happening here with you, its probably just stress......

 

yep, they're called friends.

 

:iagree:

 

When I was younger I had a similar relationship. Needless to say it ended. I'm being presumptuous for the sake of this post; it sounds like your lady friend is most apathetic towards the entire situation. The decline of an interest in sex is simply a physical manifestation of her feelings. I wish I could give you decent advice but I can't. The lady I dated became so apathetic, and in no way wanted to 'work on things', that she one day just said, "This doesn't feel the same. I don't love you anymore."

The best thing one can take out of said situation is simply this; regardless of sex or anything else, make sure your partner is in the relationship as much as you are, and make sure they are at least willing to have an active role in the maintenance that all relationships require. Good luck.

 

The degree to which your beings connect with another being will manifest in the degree to which your being connects with another being

it is certainly possible to have a wildly fulfilling relationship without sex . . . though hopefully this is just because of circumstance and not some block between your two physical selves. Love is love is love. Make love if you have love

 

OP: Ignore the sex thing totally. I know how hard it is. But SHOW HER that it has gone off your mind totally. Be the same sweet, caring, loving person, but just never open the sex issue, and if she opens it tell her that for some reasons you wish NOT to discuss the issue, and she has to respect your wish.

Trust me, if she actually loves you, she'd be begging for it soon. Just stick to the plan. IGNORE IT. Okay???

 

That would make her liable to say something to the effect of, "You're not willing to discuss the problem," then blame him for the poor state of their sexual relationship. If someone cannot share their true self, needs, and desires with their lover, what kind of relationship is that? Not a very healthy one. As well, as another poster said, she doesn't seem to be considering his needs. If one wants sex and the other doesn't, which one gets their way? Sex is a very tricky issue because one can't say, "Okay, well I don't want to have sex but you do, so I'll just put up with it for 20 minutes twice a week." It doesn't work that way. Depending on how commited they actually are to their relationship and one another, they'd probably have to commit time to figuring out how to settle their problem.

 

^ agreed. Eternal Soul, I get where your coming from, and think it might work in some situations. But say this isn't one of the ones where it does. Where she doesn't even notice, or where she does but believes he just doesn't care anymore; then he's just muting his screams and doing nothing for the pain.