I'm courting someone younger, sixteen, and am at a small fork

I know that I enjoy spending time with her and I believe that at least she does too. If she was my age I'd just ask her out or get her number and ask her out like I'd normally do. But her being 4 years younger makes me cautious like handling delicate glass i don't want to break. So i was thinking, that the next time I see her to ask for email and see if we like writing to each other.

How lame is that? Know she goes to an art high school and is at least two years older mentally than 16 and is not aa typical American teen, as always I go for the strange women.

My other option is asking her out, but I don't want to have her sneaking behind her parents back because we're in this weekly show and her father's the director so I really don't want him to know if we were hanging out it could makes things really awkward.

So should I ask if she'd like to hang out? or should I take it real slow and ask to write her? then if we hit it of in words as we have in person see where we go.

 

A good rule of thumb is to not break the age barriers of 16 and 18 (or 21 depending where you are)... In otherwords, if you are over 16, stay away from those under, if you are over 18 stay away from those under 18...

As for the father... the first 20 year old who tries to start something with my 16 year old daughter, will not live to see 21.

 

Why not ask the girl how she feels about you.
She may have the same concerns.
If she feels the same way...then ask her dad how he feels.
It will not be a proper relationship if you have to sneak around...old fashioned of me?...Ok well, it wouldn't be fair , anyway.

How many months is it till you turn 21 and her 17?

 

for her it's elevens months for me it's 5 months. we enjoy hanging out and that's really all I want to do right now. I just don't want her farther to get the wrong ideas when we're laughing or chatting at rehearsal breaks I think I can feel his eyes or in his voice a sharp "you're not in position" but no else is ready yet.

as legality goes I really have no desire to have sex with her because I will only be down here for maybe 6 months and with someone considerable younger I'd hope that I was with them at least that long and then still be able to be with them longer since she's young and it'd be her first time.

It's true I could do the conversation but it's pretty immature because I'd never seen her beyond a few hours after one rehearsal, at every rehearsal and we played very mild game of footsie at a group dinner movie party. (I would have put my arm around her which I think I was getting signals for but her farther was less an two meters away and I know he seemed wary that we choose to sit together. )

 

She likes you, dude.
But, perhaps, she hasn't had many or any b/fs so doesn't know what to do.
If you are playing footsie after a short period of time, then that says something.
I say go for it.
You sound like a decent chap.
I think her dad would see that too.

 

How is life like in the 19th century?

 

While you may feel that fathers should be willing to step aside and let any yahoo that wants to to court their daughters do so, you will find few fathers that feel the same way.

If my daughter were to come to me and tell me she was interested in a 20 year old, that would be her choice, but that in no way means a 20 year old has the choice to try to pursue her to gain her interest, or at least not risk free.

 

Now we're talking. I mean, a 16 yo girl may already have the maturity to know what she really wants. At 13 I already felt attracted to men in their 30s or 40s.

However, I do get what you mean when you say he's going a bit too far by trying to gain her interest. I'd never do it. But then again, I don't feel attracted to younger guys so my opinion is kinda biased.

I think he sould just be friends with her and not try to take things any further. If she ends up falling for him nevertheless, than I think it would be ok to take the chance, but only if that chance comes naturally and not because he created it.

 

Make sure the boys get to see you cleaning your guns

 

Sininabin does not seem like he would force the situation.
He seems genuinly concerned with how to go forward...for the right reasons.
ChronicTom, comes across as reasonable but he first said this:
" the first 20 year old who tries to start something with my 16 year old daughter, will not live to see 21."
Does that sound like he would give anybody the chance with his 16 year old daughter?
I think not.
Then he says:
"If my daughter were to come to me and tell me she was interested in a 20 year old, that would be her choice."
Which is far more reasonable.
Is he trying to please both sides of the argument?

I think we all actually agree here.

 

Totally different here in the UK. 20 and 16 isn't really a very big deal at all, 16 is the age of consent, I went out with someone nearly 4 years younger than me once.

I would just ask her out, the parents wouldn't really care much anyways.

 

Well put.

It's easy to develop a bond there, since you're physically similar ages, if you have similar personalities, it might be easy to forget the differences. But no... I'm 19 now, and remember quite well being 16. And I don't know about compared to people other places, but I was mentally leaps and bounds ahead of my conservative high school, and can tell you no sixteen year old, advanced or otherwise, should be dating anyone older than 18.

When you're in high school, things are different... if you're in a high school relationship that survived longer, that's different too... pretty much opens the 14-18 window. But that's not the case.

Don't do this. Ever heard the term "jailbait"? 16/20 is very bad ratio for that age range. Gettin creepy there.

 

That was my experience too. I dated someone 4 years younger than me in highschool and the parents were ok with it.

 

You seem to have a hard time understanding the difference in allowing my daughter free will and giving guys free rein to do what they want.

I stand by ALL of what I said... If you have a problem with it, that's your issue, not mine.

 

I did say the OP seems like a decent person.
If you do not believe that, then you would murder this chap.
If you thought he was a decent chap, you would not.
But your first comment seems to suggest you do not give any time to see if the person is a decent chap.
If he is 20, then the person is dead.
End of story.
If this is not mixed messages, I do not what is.
You seem to be standing by two conflicting opinions.
I have noticed this of you a few times.

 

It works in reverse anyway doesnt it, in the 19th century standard would have been to be married by 16, 4th century married at 12 when not many lived past 30

Who knows by 29th century we all might be living till 150 and 25 might be considered jailbait

 

We might have a retreat in moral modern values and again marry at 12.

 

I don't care if he was the nicest guy in the world. Being 20 and chasing my 16 year old daughter would not end well for anyone involved...

No mixed messages at all... What part confuses you?

 

A decent chap does not chase.
He does not seem to be chasing this girl.
Chasing, I presume, meaning persuing with out consent.
Is this what is occuring here?
I think not.

 

Hate to break it to you, but as the dad you are going to be the last to find out

Especially if its a mini me of you