How much of sexuality do you think is purely physical urges? How much emotional?

Hi,

I'm a 26-year-old guy who has been wrestling with my sexuality for several years and always ends up confused about this endless inner conflict inside of me.

Basically, I'm only really attracted to women physically and emotionally, but it seems I like dick and not pussy. I like tits, I like girls asses, love kissing them, have a rather large fetish for female feet, but pussy just doesn't do it for me, makes me uncomfortable. I like to penetrate it but I don't like eating it or touching it. Conversely, About six or seven years ago I came to the conclusion that I have an urge to suck cock that I have no control over. I haven't done anything about it because, like I said, I have no interest in men and don't find them attractive. I'd prefer not to see the guy's face and I don't want it reciprocated. I haven't quite worked up the nerve to do some kind of anonymous encounter as I'm worried about disease/safety. Are any other gay or bisexual guys similar to this?

For any of you who are bisexual, do you find you like dick and pussy equally, or is it usually one way more than the other? Does anyone say, find men more attractive but have more of a preference for pussy? Or vice versa?

It's been kind of difficult for me. When I'm alone at night trying to sleep I'll convince myself that I'm gay and try to live with it. But when I'm out in the world, at work, on the subway it is the pretty girls I see that make my heart pound, that I get nervous and tongue tied when I'm near. And I develop crushes on them pretty quickly and find myself thinking about them all the time. And then I don't know what to think. It doesn't feel gay. This kind of pulled the rug out from underneath me when I was about 19. I had spent most of my life pining over childhood crushes, frustrated that girls never liked me and then all of a sudden it was like "you're gay." And then I wrestled with these conflicting emotional feelings and urges for a while, and in the end it just ends up making me feel like I'm a broken person who is probably going to be alone.

I figured I'd see if anyone had any similar experiences because I'm kind of confused about what homosexuality actually is now. I feel different from my straight friends in the fact that I have these gay urges, but I feel different from most of the accounts I've read and heard of gay guys that usually say they think other men are attractive and have emotional feelings toward them. That doesn't feel like me either. Bisexual makes sense but again, those accounts seem to be "I think both guys and girls are hot." That doesn't feel like me either.

Thanks for reading. Sorry for the post length.

 

Very interesting post. I've always considered myself to be straight, never had any gay encounters, nor do I see myself having any in the near future. At the same time though there has always been a strange appeal in me towards effeminate men. Don't know if it's sexual, and I don't think it is, but I feel more comfortable around gay men. It's almost as if the anxiety of having to hit on girls gets to be too overbearing, and at a club or something, I have a weird sense of comfort about talking to gay or sexually unsure guys. Regardless, I've never really acted on it, and it's something that I want to explore more.

Only advice I can give you is do what feels natural no matter what. Sexual norms such as gay/straight imo have been naturalized to the point that people feel that they can be only one or the other. That once you realize any homosexual urge/desire be it physical or emotional you are automatically gay. Fuck that. Forget the stigma attached to gay/straight, and do whatever your inner voice tells you.(I gauge this by what I have the least amount of anxiety while doing).

I know our situations aren't the same, but I really hope this helps.

 

Sexuality is a complicated stew. People try to simplify it, as it makes categorization and classification easier. Not to mention 'othering' people, to make oneself feel superior. But it's just not simple. It's an incredibly dynamic set of urges.

Relax. Take your time, do what feels right. It sounds to me like your are likely -mostly- straight, but have some bi tendencies. Not sure what it is about pussy that bothers you. Might be caught up in some level of distrust of women, might be something else entirely. If at some point later you find yourself wanting to get over your dislike, it's quite possible. I used to be attracted to guys but find penises repulsive. After I got enough trust of men, and had penises give me pleasure enough times, I started to find them more endearing. In part because they were attached to guys I liked, and in part because of the pleasure they involve.

But it also sounds like you are somewhat bi. Actually, most people are. One way to go might be to find a pretty boy. Or a trans-girl. Someone who fits your aesthetic sense but also has a cock. We live in a world of immense diversity, so it's actually a really good thing that our desires vary so much. If we all fantasized about the same things, there would be many left out. As is, there's enough desire to cover the whole wide variety of humanity.

 

Curiousposter, IMHO, your life has been seriously lacking in simple encounter. That's how we learn, that's how our values are formed. Let me say that I am an older fellow who has had a very happy journey into the fullness of my unique sexuality. I have learned to like things that I once regarded as repulsive.

Yes, my friend, sex is often messy. but I can hardly view my cock as dirty when my partners have let it be known that my cock was to them the greatest. And pussies to some of us deserve adoring stimulation by our fingers and our tongues as well as loving penetration by our cocks. Also, I note for you that the day before I first sucked a cock I rejected the very possibility of that happening. My teen lover and I initiated each other into the ranks of the world's cocksuckers one afternoon as we positioned ourselves in the 69 mode and we had no further doubts about giving or receiving a blow job. Like our ancestors over thousands of years the two of us learned by doing--and we did it all--yes, even the anal.

We all have those basic animal urges. There are persons who I find to be sexually attractive and if I concentrate on them long enough my body will deliver a bit of delightful lubrication to my cockhead. Fortunately, my ample foreskin contains it until I can sop it up so that it does not spot my trousers. My brain assists me and "in my mind" I manage to have intercourse with many persons. In real time, I am much more discreet. I have never had sex with any partner before I was thoroughly in love with that person. The sex came about naturally and seemed so right. I think it was right because it confirmed the bond that had already come to exist between my partners and myself.

I don't think I ever had an urge to suck a cock or to take a cock up my ass, but with a loving partner my aversions vanished. As Kinsey suggests; what is physically possible has to be considered normal. For me, I admit that I have real preferences. I cannot even imagine enjoying an experimental encounter with a stranger. And, I do accept the restraints that our society places on sexual activity. But, that leaves a lot of room for "doing what comes naturally." If one follows the simple rule of keeping all sexual contacts as personal and private. No one likes to be used for the mere pleasure of another person. Thus, one avoids using others for one's own pleasure. The missing value in much sex is love. And by love I simply mean a settled dispostion to seek the good of the other for the sake of the other rather than one's own. Wonderfully with two loving persons both find that sex affirms the worth and dignity of both partners.

And so, my friend, to get beyond your confusion and conflict you have to become a part of the world of interacting persons. Be a friend. Friends often become more than just friends and with some that leads to sexual encounter. There is an old saying: Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. In a loving relaitonship one can try new things and some will not become favorites. But it is also true that there are some things one ought to try and one may be surprised to learn that one likes it.

 

Too bad dicks don't just float around in the air or you'd be in luck, or Hmm

 

They pretty much do in Ft. Lauderdale...

 

I'm the same way when I'm out in public I don't think about guys that way and I'm attracted to girls, but sometimes I get sexual urges for guys and I've been with a few guys as well. I enjoy having sex with them but I wouldn't date guy or anything. It just wouldn't feel right.

 

I think most gay men go through a bisexual phase. Although, obviously some straight men do to. In the beginning of exploring my sexuality I found myself having a strong physical attraction towards men but never being able to forge a relationship. Through pressures of society and my own emotional conflict with grasping onto the idea of homosexuality, I found myself meeting men, exploring the sexual nature of the experiences and disassociating myself from the person when it looked like the other person wanted a relationship. Though sometimes very sexually adventurous, I've never been one for a multitude of different sexual partners so I've never been able to just sleep with someone new every night... A need for a loving partner helped me grow from my experiences and opened me up for a real relationship with another man. Over time, I've met maybe two men I've been able to forge a real relationship with. I've been with my current partner for over 4 years now and view women in a very different way than when I first began exploring my sexuality. I find comfort in my partner's strong masculine nature and rarely think of women anymore at all.

However, everyone is unique in their own right... As Corius mentioned, simple encounters help us grow as individuals and explore our lives leaving us fulfilled & constantly shifting into our own uniqueness. I think making decisions based on what comes natural to us and leaving out social restraints is imperative to our happiness as human beings. If I had never acted upon physical urges and went with what I thought was more socially acceptable and easier in the long run then I doubt I would feel complete. We only live once.

 

I have heard many state that gay men are in fact bisexual, if they have ever been intimate with a woman, or at one time acted as if they were interested in women, even if that was only a facade. Its like it doesnt matter if the guy was only in the relationship with a female to cover up his true sexuality, or pretended to like women for the same reason. A lot of people still refuse to acknowledge that such men are gay, but are in fact bi. Which I think is rather stupid.

I dont think any more gay men go through a bi sexual phase than straight men. I think this just appears to be the case because so many gay men pretend to like women, or enter relationships with them purely to cover up their homosexuality, or to try and "cure" it. Also, because Im sure many apparently "straight" men have bi sexual tendencies, but never act on them, or express them openly.

 

I personally think a lot of gay men are actually bisexual, but it's unacceptable to be "bisexual" in the "homosexual clique". A gay man can occasionally have sex with a woman and stay gay to the world at large, but a straight man can definitely not occasionally have sex with other men and still be labeled a heterosexual by his peers. This is hypocrisy, of course, but it's one we have to live with.

As to the gist of your question, I think it varies from person to person and it all depends on your attitudes toward sex. For me, sex isn't a means to achieve an orgasm. I can do that a lot more simply by myself. It's all in my mind, and I treat sex like a bonding tool between friends. I don't really enjoy sex with strangers, and I see nothing complicated in having sex with friends because I'm intelligent enough to divorce the ideas of sex and romance. Of course, I've known straight guys, gay guys, and straight girls (no lesbians, oddly enough) who are glad to have sex with anyone they find attractive, but their concept of sex must be alien to me so I cannot really comment on it.

 

I think that people are sexual creatures and sex comes in a variety of flavors, some like vanillia, some go for Chocolate and some like a scoop of everything once in awhile, Pick your flavor, add on your toppings (or bottoming) and enjoy. Tuttui Fruitti does wonders for me.

 

Well, that is definitely hypocrisy, and it's not a view that I would share. To me, a man is no more "gay" even if he only occasionally has sex with women, (and enjoys it) than a man is "straight" if he occasionally dabbles with men. For this reason, at least to me, there's no more bi "gay" men than there is bi straight men. The idea that you can be bi and gay is just as preposterous to me as it is that you can be bi and straight. There only appears to be more "bi" gay men than straight men for the reasons I stated earlier.

 

Im in a kind of similar boat op. I am only attracted to women both physically and emotionally, but sometimes when I watch porn, I wonder what it would be like to be in the womans position, and that will sometimes highten the sexual experience. I have tried watching gay porn, but it kills my boner and does absolutely nothing for me. I don't think I would ever experiment, just because im sure the out come will be me having a negative experience. I guess its something about the submissive role that intrigues me. I don't give the whole thing much thought, just because I know that human sexuality is one giant grey area. Almost nothing in the universe works in a "black or white, " manner. I only get arroused when I am in the intiment company of a woman, I only desire relationships with women, anything else is just a meaningless detail to somekind of personal psychological sexuality componet to what makes me , me.. Though, it does get frustrating when I watch porn and would like to focus purely on the female aspect, which I actually need anyway to get off. Maybe I just masturbate to much and my mind is subconciously searching for new things to help get me off.. maybe hormone levels are messed up, maybe I have psychological issues. Whatever, just as long as im happy and functional I guess.

 

I feel exactly the same way.

I'm a 20 years guy.

I am a virgin to oral sex, manual sex (hands and fingers) and penetration.
I've enjoyed making out with both guys and girls to the point that I've picked them up, held their legs around my waist, and worked wonders all over their lips, necks and ears.

I am attracted physically and emotionally to girls but I've often thought of ducking under their skirts and sliding my lips over a nice, plump cock, circling it with my tongue, sucking hard on it, pumping it right back down the shaft, handling it to a fountain of an orgasm and swallowing the lovely warm cum and thanking them for it.

I really want to find a hot transexual with a pretty face, nice perky tits with stiff nipples, long toned legs, but importantly a nice, ripe, juicy member to savour the flavour of.

I've also often thought of handling another guy's shaft, playing with his balls, pumping it to a nice warm, milky happy ending on my hands and then licking up all the delicious cum.

As for Penetration:
I am still averse to the idea of anal but have spent much time masturbating over girls, lesbian sex, and huge close up shots, of a hot, wet, dripping pussy, with all the juices flowing out of it, wetting her panties, sliding in a nice rock hard, throbbing pleasure pump to pump her to a deep, flooding, spine shiverring, heart pounding, deep breathing, body sweating, pelvis thrusting, full blooded load moaning orgasm.

I absolutely get rock hard aroused for penetrating a wet pussy.
I absolutely get salivating over orally delighting a plump, juicy cock.
I absolutely get finger tingling over pumping a firm, ripe cock.

I have an erotic curiousity for being penetrated and sexed gently in my ass by a girl with a bright purple strap-on, just a 6 incher or so, nothing crazy.

I've never tried any of these things, I've only ever made out.

I absolutely can't wait to get myself out there but I want my first time to be with someone or some people I know, trust and have an emotional connection with.

I also immediately assume any tranny's (chicks with dicks) have diseases or are promiscuous and dirty and unclean.

I identify as bisexual to new people, though talking to my straight friends I sometimes think I'm straight with bi-tendencies.

I've identified as straight mostly and I've also told both my parents that I think I'm a raging homo so I've prepared them for what would, in my dad's opinion be the most shocking outcome. I feel like I've taken the pressure off myself.

I've decided that I'm a sexual being and I will take great delight and satisfaction in whichever sexual encounters I choose to involve myself in.

If anyone asks I'm bi, even if they automatically categorize me as a gay trapped in the closet or a straight guy who's confused.

 

Hi curiousposter, as a 59 y o bisexual who has come out to his wife of 18 years 9 months ago I think the above advice is ver good. I think that we all have the potential to be bi, but societies norms condition us from birth.

Go with the flow - not all straight guys like to suck pussy, not all gay/bi guys like to be fucked. There is no norm - go for what turns you on and you and your partner enjoy. The Kinsey scale rates people from 0 - 6, where 0 is straight and 6 is gay. I prefer women emotionally and put myself at 2, but love to suck cock - look at my handle! I love cocks, tits, pussys, mouths and am getting into anal.

Life is too short - enjoy sex, it is one of the pleasures of life!

Si69

 

No problem at all with the length. I was like you... I am kind of confused sometimes - I like a womans body, emotionally but I really have that urge for a penis than a vagina.
I have no problems with finding Girl/Boyfriends though, I find someone I like if it goes well it goes well.
I recommend that you go out, find a woman, if you like her stay with her. If it goes wrong go find a nice man and see if it works out.
:sultan:

 

I'm on the same scale as you probably, 2.

 

I understand maybe what you feel as you look at pussy and something makes you feel uneasy about them. I notice that sometimes i feel something will happen if i touch them, like they're delicate or have something in them already.

So my words are that you consider making sure you are both clean and well circulated, especially with hydration to keep her insides clean and fresh. And a BIG one is to clip finger-nails, and toe nails!

I notice as my wife and myself come together in a clean environment, including after, before, or during a shower... there can be a much better flow of attraction and movement.

I feel relieved if my body is clean and free and with good circulation, so my thoughts are more easy, promoting good energy.

Much love

 

and wanna be in Switzerland!

Simon :sunny: - dark glasses - lotsa sun here!