Ladies, would you keep dating this guy?

yeah, and the moon may be green cheese. The only way you should judge anyone is by the actions they have taken. IE things in the past.

As for her 'dropping the trust', she already doesn't trust him, if she did, she wouldn't have posted this. Once trust is gone from a relationship, it is over. This idea that you can earn the trust back is crap... Yes, the person can behave and try to never repeat what it was that broke that trust, but the simple fact is in her mind, before she had no reason not to trust him, now she does. And that will never change.

 

You're right on the trust issue and in this case that's obviously the biggest factor. My point with addiction is, people do overcome it and don't turn back to it, but then again, I've never dealt with a sex addict. I've just watched alcoholics and hard into drugs addicts bounce back and never look back, being able to create stable and lasting relationships despite their past.

 

I wasn't trying to say that people don't get over addictions. Some do, some don't. I was only going after the trust issue itself. That is, in relation to issues regarding whatever person it is reference to, not things they have done to others in the past.

In other words, I will extend some trust towards someone who I have been told is untrustworthy, and judge for myself on the basis of if they break their trust with me. Once they do, then there will never be a time that I could completely trust them without question. Trying to make a relationship more serious then casual friends work under those circumstances is just a waste of time.

There is also a grey area (for those who are fond of them), but not in extending trust to others, but in when another breaks a trust to someone else and it doesn't involve you directly, but you see the circumstances under which it does and you can relate to it happening to you.

 

thanks for all of your replys! I always seem to post a thread and then forget about this site. Oops!

Well, it's been a few more months, obviously. We are still dating, but I've decided we're not going to take it any further until I can work out my trust issues. It isn't so much that I don't trust him, but rather than I have issues trusting just about everyone.

I agree with everyone who said 2 months is awfully early. I don't want anyone to think I'm rushing into a relationship. It's just that we're both at the point in our lives when dating just for the sake of dating isn't what we want. You know... looking for the real thing or at least something serious with long term potential. That's why I was concerned. This guy is great... except for a few things.

As for the "there's other ways to make money" argument, I agree but I have to defend my guy. He already has another job that is where he gets most of his cash. This website thing was just meant to supplement it. That being said, he recognizes now that having such a venture is probably not the most attractive thing to a future mate, so we're working on a compromise. Most likely what is going to happen is that I'm going to become a site admin also so that I can see that it's strictly business. (His idea not mine.) My therapist thinks this is a good idea as long as I don't allow myself to become obsessive.

So... I guess I am saying thank you for everyone for giving me your input. We're working on it.

Have a great rest of your weekend please!

 

if he's a self-diagnosed sex addict.. is he going to therapy for it or some kind of support group maybe?

i'd be careful with this one.

 

I'd probably be adamant that he get tested for STDs with all this whimsical sexual encounters of his past.

Then I would decide whether or not I could trust him if I were you.

(But since I'm not you, in my opinion, I'd dump him so fast).

 

He's forming a website that will feed into his addiction?!?! can he not make money somehow else that doesn't endanger himself let alone you?

BIG FUCKING WARNING SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'd jump boat

 

Trust your gut! You are clearly not comfortable with any of the three things that you listed and as time goes by in the relationship and you get more attached to this person you will be setting yourself up to be really hurt. It's good that he is being open and honest with you but if after two months you are already feeling as though you are inadequate in some way and you are bracing yourself for infidelity...then what is the point in staying in the relationship? There is always somebody else out there for us even if it is hard to imagine finding somebody else.

 

I agree, I think somewhere down the road, if you don't give him just the right amount of sex he will find it elsewhere. For now he is satisfied but who knows for how long if he is an addict. Keep a close eye if you don't want to get hurt! It depends what you want out of the relationship really, you might be more satisfied with an open relationship, as someone already mentioned. But if it were me, I'd flee as fast as my legs could take me!

 

I am a guy, and let me tell you that imho if he has a chance to have sex with a different super sexy hot woman, he will, i might even add "doh" at the end

 

I would treat his sex addiction as any other addiction and proceed with caution. I don't think the dating website in itself should be a problem, but its like someone with a cocaine addiction going to the same club every night where they know coke will be readily available and surrounding themselves with people that also have the same addiction. An addiction is unhealthy, no matter what one is addicted to...I would keep that in the back of your mind at all times and move slowly and carefully.