I have a bit of a dialema. And before I begin, I am a Hip Forums member under a different alias but re-registered because there are certain people who I do not wish to see this. But anyway ... ! I'm going out with a girl and we get on really well and I do love her to bits. But there's a girl who I work with and I think I'm developing really strong feelings for her too. We're really good friends and we have a lot in common. I think she does have some feelings for me but I don't want to assume she does. She is engaged to someone herself. My question is this ... am I a bad person for having feelings for someone else too? I wouldn't go through with it because I love and respect my current girlfriend and we do get on well. Me and my friend couldn't have a relationship so there's no chance of it happening. I just feel guilty because I almost feel like I cheating and I believe cheating is wrong. Sorry so long! Needed to get a lot of things out!
no you're NOT bad.. and being someones friend is NOT cheating. sounds like you already know that you don't want to go any farther than friends with it and you're happy with your girlfriend. there is nothing wrong with having a good friend of the oppisite sex.
you're definitely not a bad person. it's normal for people to be attracted to others, but that doesn't mean people have to act on it. your girlfriend must be happy to be with someone so trustworthy. there is a difference between a simple attraction, and strong feelings that develop over time spent together. depending on how strong these feelings are, you might want to re-evaluate your situation. if this girl were single, would you consider leaving your girlfriend for her? if you end up having relationship problems because of this girl, you might want to take a decent amount of time away from her. maybe try to work when she's not working. do you spend time with the other girl outside of work? you might want to stop. just long enough to clear your head and sort out your feelings. there's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex... but if this friendship is going to bring a lot of guilt and bad feelings into your relationship, it might be a good idea to avoid it. if the fact that you can't be with her (or think she has feelings for you, too) adds to your feelings, that's only going to make spending time with her worse. then again, if you can honestly just be a friend, then carry on.
of course you're not bad, we have feelings for a reason, why deny them? don't be afraid to follow your heart.
Oh my fucking god. Who the hell made you the authority on morality? You're a close minded, judgemental dipshit. It's proven by almost any of your previous posts. He's being honest, and the fact that he's asking questions and seeking advice shows not only that he's human, but that he's thinking about others and not himself. You, on the other hand, are a dipshit. Quick to judge others while you are always morally "right". Should we all bow down to your god-like aspirations? Anyone with a smidgen of self-respect and intelligence will ignore anything this asshat has to say.
Having feeling for someone else is not cheating!!! But i do commend you for your honesty about it. I wish that my bf would have done something like that...then i would have said...you know what since you were honest the descision is yours and i love ya still cuz you were honest...thats it!! If you want to be with the co-worker you should tell your girl before something happens that could destroy the relationship forever...you dont want to cause a rift between a great relationship
today, an old friend from my past started hitting on me. i have a boyfriend, and this former friend, like your co-worker, is engaged. at one point he said, "you know there's like 1% of you that feels the same way." my response to this was, "no; no part of me wants to lose a loving relationship," and ended the conversation shortly thereafter. this gave me the impression that my friend was not happy in his current relationship, and was looking for an excuse to get out of it. i know you said that you love your girlfriend, so i'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but this experience gave me some insight that made me wonder... also, you said you, "love her (your girlfriend) to bits." and your word choice kind of makes me wonder, too, in hindsight. based only on your wordchoice, it sounds like this version of love is a sweet, cutey ideal... not a deep, strong, loving bond. perhaps that's not true, and i totally misinterperated what you were saying... but i figured i'd offer that up, anyway. are you afraid of commitment? are you afraid of committing specifically to your girlfriend? if either of those is true for you, re-evaluate your situation. are you attracted to this other girl you work with because she offers you a way "out" of your current relationship, on some level? perhaps you don't feel that your girlfriend is the right person for you in the long run, thus you're still keeping your options very open? or perhaps these things do not apply to you, and they apply to your engaged co-worker. maybe she fears that she will enter into an unhappy marriage, and sees you as a potential escape from it. i'm not trying to accuse you of anything without knowing your situation, and i stand strongly by my statement that you are not a bad person. my conversation with a former friend earlier today made me wonder about this. the fact that he was hitting on me definitely bothered me. first, it shows that he does not respect my current relationship. secondly, he is not respecting his own relationship. additionally, if another girl said the things to my boyfriend that my old friend said to me, i would not be comfortable with the two spending time together. how do you get the impression that your co-worker has feelings for you? if your girlfriend knew how you felt about this other girl, would she be comfortable with you spending time with her? when someone with a significant other -- especially one with an engagement/wedding ring -- hits on me, i lose all respect for that person (words like skeezey, dirty, and slimey come to mind). again, it's natural to feel attracted to others. but if you keep an open, overly-friendly rapport, that's going to cause trouble. spend some time away from her to figure out your own wants and needs. if she does not respect her engagement, or your relationship, she neither respects you or herself. additionally, if she doesn't respect her relationship with her fiance, odds are she will not respect her relationship with you, should you one day be in a relationship with her.
hi there if you fear the feelings for someone eles that may be rising then you have to fear the feelings for your currant girlfriend are fading i hope you not just looking for a way out of the currant relationship... by seeing something in the other girl... maybe its time to sit back and think dont hurt yourself or the other people. and be honest you have to give your currant girlfriend a chance before she finds out to understand that maybe your love is not like it was...... if you catch the drift then dont worry just be open its your heart that will feel the outcome too,not just the others.. love n peace from saff good luck.
I don't see my friend as a way out from my current relationship. The way I see her is someone who happened to just turn up in my life, yet I think I'm lucky to have her there as a friend. It just so happens that the feelings on my part happen to go further than that. With regards to my current relationship, it is deep and meaningful but I must admit, I am a little scared of commitment. That doesn't mean that I want to be unfaithful. It's just that not that long ago, I broke up with a girl who I had been with a long time and got badly hurt and I've kind of got a fear of my current relationship because I don't wanna go throught that pain again. I will probably never let my friend know how I feel or hit on her in any way because I don't want to lose her as a friend and I don't want to ruin her relationship. Although saying that, it hurts knowing that she'll probably never know how I feel. I just think it's better in the long-run that way. Thanks for your advise guys. It's really helped me clear a few things.
see, i don't know... it's awesome that you don't see her as a way out. that makes things a little simpeler. and yeah, just because committment can be freaky doesn't mean it makes you want to be unfaithful. it's awesome that you believe in that. at least your feelings about committment didn't stem from this new girl. in a sense, that's to your advantage... although getting over these concerns could be tricky. i feel compelled to offer up the saying, "love like you've never been hurt," and if it were easy to do and entirely possible it might help. it sounds like you're on the way, and that's awesome. do you think your girlfriend might be serving as a rebound-girl? you love her, so probably not. if your heart's not in it, it's not the kind of thing that will allow you to thrive. but, if you see a lot of potential goodness and beauty in your relationship, and you want your heart to be there, it could very well be worth the work. i guess it really comes down to whether or not your girlfriend is golden, and what your heart is telling you. i guess that's all fairly obvious. it sounds like it really does hurt that you're not able to tell this girl how you feel. do you think that could inhibit or complicate your friendship with her? or rather, if you don't deal with your feelings towards her, they'll only fester and grow. that could also end up being pretty complicated. but hopefully it's easy for you, and good luck!
youre not bad, physical atteaction will always be apparent. Although you seem to know who you want, and you arent going to take things further with the work mate. In your heart you will know what to do.
