What am I doing? (update)

Since my last post about pay for sex was locked by admin. But things changed a little bit (read the copies below), I am all "scared" now.

I called this lady today, since it was a nasty Saturday I didn't feel like to go out. She arrived with some brownie, well, I was hungry, .

We talked a little bit and start to kiss. She was very into the kiss, so did I. But when I opened her shirt's button, I saw her pretty worn bra. I lost my mood. I meant, she's a very attractive lady, life must have pushed her to the corner. I stopped, and I got her nervous that she thought I was not satisfied. I changed the topic for a while, then I took her to the mall. I bought her some new underwear and bras. She was embarrassed, but I told her that was for my own pleasure. We went to Barnes & Nobel afterwards and I even bought two Iron man 2 tickets for her and her son.

I think my plan is not working towards the original direction. We had agreement for sex, we had 3 "dates" already and sex hasn't happened yet. And I forgot to mention the "I don't meet the kid" or "kid comes first".

What am I doing here? Did I step in another relationship? I still want unattached sex.



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See my original post here:
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=398136&f=65


me:
Yes, one of my friends introduced me to this lady who has a 7 years old boy to support. She's attractive and since she's out of job for a while, now she considers to earn some cash in an ancient way. We met and had an agreement, that I pay her $2500 a month, she will be mine.

Honestly, I was not going to do it in this way, but since she sounds really desperate. if I don't do it, she will go for the others. So better to keep her with me. I hope i will not get too personally involved.

Rev J:
This ads a new wrinkle to the equation. I think it is for the best if you add 2 new boundaries to the situation. Boundary one you NEVER meet the kid. At 7 there is a great chance that the kid can get attached to you. That is adding a third variable to the situation that can further complicate a complicated situation. When 2 concenting adults are involved it's cool but when a kid enters the mix then things can go south fast and the situation can get hairy for everyone involved. Prostitution is still illegal and Child protective services look down on that.

Boundry 2 the kid comes first. I know this sounds like an open door to be used but a 7 year old kids' needs come before yours. He has more life to see than you do. The womans first responsibility is to the kid. You're an adult you can go without easier than the kid can. Spell these conditions out clearly with the other person because you are the adults in this situation. Then remember that this is a situation that will end eventually. It can end on good terms.

This is how I would handle this situation. Good luck.

Peace Out,
Rev J


Me:
Right on man! These were exactly What I worried about.
1. On our agreement, she's going to act like my "gf". Which means, she will be sleeping over or ask me to go to her apt. No matter what, I will meet the boy. Unless, she acts like a real hooker, comes for an hour pleasure.
2. I love kids. I will be attached to the little boy too.
3. We tried to make it less shameful as it could be. She's pretending it is a dating process. I convince myself I just tried to help out.
4. The more time we will spend together, the more we will find out this agreement just some dangerous BS.
__________________


Rev j

This almost sounds like the old middle eastern "arranged marrage". I'm not saying that you should marry her. But they usually work out better than the western model. It sounds like a paid dating process. It may end up for the best. In spite of some of the things I've said I'm a little bit of a romantic. If it works learn to write screenplays it could be a major motion picture.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

I think what you're doing for he is really sweet. I'm not sure if you stepped into a relationship. Its really hard to know if she is a prostitute, are you paying for her to see you? Or are you buying her dinner and that stuff as a date?

 

You are a wanker. Your post is not closed. Something is really off here. Probably YOU.

http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=398136&f=13

 

What did you call yourself? A horny fart or something similar? You're a fucking twat man! There is no room for people with your mentality in the real world. Fuck off!

 

Uh, I wouldnt pay no 2500 AND go buying shit to not even fuck her. Jeesus.

 

I'm not sure I understand your post correctly. At one point you say you definitely won't meet the kid, then later you say you will. I can't judge too much: it doesn't sound like you're doing any harm to her or her son, and are actually helping them out in a lot of ways. As long as it stays that way, I see no reason anyone should bitch at you. It's not exactly a conventional relationship, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

I can see how some posters here are skeptical. It does kind of sound like a movie plot. I'm neither here nor there so I don't judge.

There are some call girls that specialize in "The Girlfriend Experience". This is usually the most expensive option since it requires a certain amount of precieved intimacy. Dates, dinner, movies, phone calls, kissing etc. Sex may or may not be a part of that equation. As opposed to a standard call girl who shows up you have sex then they leave. If this is the situation you are in you are getting a pennies on the dollar deal. That wouldn't be really that surprising since she sounds kind of new to the game.

As to weather you are meeting the kid or not. These are my suggested boundries. As relationships (meaning any relationship not just romantic) change. The rules change. Since Zorba pointed out this is not a conventional relationship so conventional rules and morals may not apply. If they don't they need to be replaced with something.

As for the rest of your questions. Only you and the other person can figure out what you're doing. You may or may not have stepped into another relationship but it is hard to tell after only 3 dates. Hunter S. Thompson once said "Buy the ticket, take the ride." You wanted no strings attached sometimes we don't get what we want. There is an old Native American saying "Man makes plans. The Great Spirit Laughs." Granted you have a monetary investment but I'll still advise you to detach from the outcome and have a good time.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

I am a bad guy, this whole thing started because I agree to pay for sex. So I take whatever people call me here, cause that's what I deserve. Whether she's a "pro", I can't answer with a great deal of confidence. One of my friend (female) introduce her to me. If the lady I am paying has already started this business before me, then she's not a professional as "pro" or she's too professional in terms of acting.

As matter of fact, I'd rather to deal with a real "pro" now. Because no matter what I will do, the fact that I paid her will stay stink. She's attractive, you put right cloth on her, she could be very hot. I could tell that she might think that I could save her from this mess. Maybe, she needs a hero, the kid needs a hero. I ain't no hero. I am just a man who tried to take advantage from her poor situation.

I will try to help her to locate a new job. And I will walk away.

 

Hey Rev, sorry, no matter how I tried to butter it, this thing could not be your romantic movie plot. You have given a lot of good advices here. I will not do harm to the kid, that's my boundary.

 

This part right here doesn't make you sound like a bad person at all. Its really genuine of you and a lot of people would have just taken advantage of her. You didn't, but instead are helping her. That's a very good thing to do. I wouldn't feel ashamed if I were you. Maybe you just aren't the type of guy that likes paying for sex.

 

Sophie, paying for sex does not make one a "Bad Person". This is the part of the last thread that I wish he had printed before the last part:

Granted I'm actually in a loving relationship. I've heard it said that everyone pays for sex. It may not be in money. It can be in freedom. Or self respect. Or any one of a million intangibles. It all comes down to your price. What are you willing to spend? I've bought dinner and got a piece of ass. And I've spent time in LTR's with verbally and mentally abusive women. I've had meaningless one night stands with women I usually wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. I could barely look at myself in a mirror after that.

I'm currently in a relationship with a woman that I love. But I still pay fo sex within that realtionship. I am commited. I see other women and think "Damn she could be fun for 20 minutes." But I leave it at that. If I act on that thought I have paid for that 20 minutes with a 4 year relationship that means alot more to me. I pay for the sex I have now by remaining faithful. That is just my position and choice.

So you want to blow some cash on a call girl. Fuck it knock yourself out. It is guaranteed. You can blow the same amount of scratch on drinks and still go home and beat off. The upside of prostitution is that everybody to within a certain extent knows what they're getting into. You arent going to fall in love with them and have them cheat on you or get into some weird controlling behaviour. She doesn't fall in love with you makes a little cash and moves on. But she answers to a pimp or someone and there is the payoff. I say fuck it as long as everyone can live with the concequences of their actions on their concience go for it. Just remember to wrap that rascal cause there's alot of shit you can get and not get rid of.

Granted my definition of "Paying for sex" is a little broader than most and I've never visited a prostitute. But by thinking of it like that it forces one to be a little more introspective and possibly more compassionate. Kind of like Confucious saying "He who lives in a glass hous should not throw stones." Or if you want to get a more appropos view When they were preparing to stone Mary Magdaline (the Prostitute) to death Jesus stepped up and said "May he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Most of the conflicts on earth stem from trying to impose ones sense of moral rigidity on others. Morality really is a fluid notion and changes with situations.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

nobody likes paying for sex, it's just what most people have to do if they want to have sex...

 

I've never had that problem of having to pay for sex to get it. But I do tend to not want to be promiscuous.

 

Funny neither am I. I take it you are in a commited relationship. Don't fool yourself you pay too. You are paying for the sex you are getting with that commitment, you are paying with the emotional attachment, comfort and commitment that you have to your partner. Even people in commited relationships find others attractive, fantacise about others etc. Yet we don't act upon those impulses because of what it would cost us i.e emotional attachment, and comfort and any number of intangible factors that come with a commited realtionship. This is a currency that means more than money and it is still payment. I guess not everybody is ready for that level of honesty.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

for one thing, what rev jc said.

also, what i meant to say in my previous post is "nobody likes paying for sex, it's just what most guys have to do if they want to have sex..."

 

No I'm not but I do have a friend with benefits. I've just never gotten into the having sex with a different person every night. Plus ever since I started going to my Pathology class it has seemed like a good idea to try to be monogamous even if he is just a fuck buddy. I do it for health reasons/morals. My morals are a bit different.

 

People with kids tend to put the little one's needs before new undergarments... Just saying...

 

Which is how it should be, kids are supposed to come first.

 

See that's what happens when I assume. Friends With Benefits is the credit program of sex. You're not paying now but you will later. There's nothing wrong with it. Again I'd like to reiterate that paying for sex isn't allways monetary.

Peace Out,
Rev J

 

I do pay for it in a way with him. I pay by listening and understanding him. Same with him and that's the real benefit to it.