Heres some Bush jokes. Q: Whats the biggest difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War? A:Bush had a plan to get out of Vietnam. Bush dies and meet St. Peter at Heavens Gate. St.Peter tells Bush he can go check out hell if he so pleases. Bush does so. In hell he see endless suburbs which have mansions with manicured lawns and SUV's in the driveways. He sees country clubs with lush green golf courses. He goes to heaven and just sees people sitting around singing and playing harps and having discussions about spirituallity and philosphy. Bush knows he can't play a harp and philosophy hurts his head so he asks to get sent to hell. He goes to hell and just sees people chained to red hot rocks. "Where are all the manicured lawns SUV's and country clubs?" Bush asks the Devil. "Well says the Devil "what you saw was my election campaign. Now you have to deal with my presidency."
Unfortunately, I didn't come up with those joke, but I heard a comedian - D.L. Hughley, in fact - say recently that Bush's cabinet (because of the resignations) is emptier than his brain.
I saw these in a forum on another website and e-mailed them to people. A popular bar installed a new robotic bartender. The robot could not only dispense drinks flawlessly, but also, like any good bartender, engage in appropriate conversation. So a man enters the bar and orders a drink. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail and asks him "What's your IQ?". The man replies "150". So the robot proceeds to make conversation about quantum physics, string theory, existential philosophy, and so on. The man is very impressed and thinks "This is really cool.". He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him a perfect drink and asks him "What's your IQ?". This time the man replies "105". Immediately the robot starts talking about football, new cars, the price of groceries, TV shows, and so on. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He goes back in, the robot serves him another perfect drink and asks "What's your IQ?". "63", the man replies. And the robot asks, "So, did you vote for Bush again?".
The GOP announced today that the Republican Party is changing its mascot from an elephant to a condom. Ed Gillespie, committee chairman, explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's stance, being that condoms accept inflation, halt production, destroy the next generation, protect a bunch of dicks, and give you a sense of security while you are actually getting fucked.
A tourist walked into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very realistic, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag but was so striking he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner, a wizened Oriental gentleman, and asked, "How much for this bronze rat?" "$12 for the rat. $100 for the story," said the owner. The tourist gave the man $12 and said, "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story." As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This was disconcerting, so he started walking faster. Within a couple of blocks the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing. He began to trot toward the bay, looking around to see that the rats now numbered in the millions, and were squealing and coming toward him fast. Scared, he ran to the edge of the water and threw the bronze rat as far out into the bay as he could. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the bay after it, and all were drowned. The man walked back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," said the owner, "You have come back for the story?" "No," said the man. "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican." ________________
One night George W. Bush found himself tossing and turning in his bed and he awoke to find the ghost of George Washington hovering over his bed. "Mr. Washington," George said, "what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" George Washington replied, "Be an honest man and serve as an example for the people, just as I did." The ghost immediately faded away. The next night George was visited again, this time by Thomas Jefferson. "Mr. Jefferson, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" George asked. "Always respect the Constitution, just as I did," Jefferson replied before vanishing. The next night George was awoken yet again and found the ghost of Abraham Lincoln hovering over his bed. "Finally," George said, "A fellow Republican. Mr. Lincoln, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?" Lincoln paused and thought for a moment. "Go to the theater." _________________
"As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we'll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our subscription." -Craig Kilborn "President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either." -David Letterman "This week President Bush insisted he is absolutely convinced that Saddam had a weapons program. Of course he was absolutely convinced that he won the 2000 election, so I don't know." -Jay Leno "President Bush insisted that there was nothing in the August 6, 2001 briefing, which was titled 'Bin Laden determined to attack the United States', that hinted what bin Laden was up to. Bush says that he would have moved mountains to stop the attack. Yeah, but he draws the line at reading a memo." -David Letterman "The president finally explained why he sat in that classroom on 9/11 for 7 minutes after he was told the country was under attack. He said he was 'collecting his thoughts.' What a time to start a new hobby.'" -Bill Maher "There's now speculation in Washington that President Bush is now planning to increase the economic sanctions on Iraq. And let me tell you if they are half as tough as the economic sanctions Bush has imposed on this country, they are screwed." -Jay Leno "President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to testify before the 9/11 commission. I guess right now they're finalizing the seating arrangements. Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?" -Jay Leno "President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth." -Jon Stewart "I was not elected to serve one party." -George W. Bush (video overlay) "You were not elected." -Jon Stewart "I have something else to ask you, to ask every American. I ask you to pray for this great nation." -Bush "We're way ahead of you." -Stewart _________________
George W. Bush is visiting a class in a primary school. It's in the middle of a discussion of words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a tragedy.One little boy stands up and offers: "My best friend lives on a farm. If he's out playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.""No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident."A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.""I'm afraid not," explains the exalted leader. "That's what we would call a great loss."President Bush searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"Finally, from the back of the room, little Johnny timidly says: "If Air Force One carrying you was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.""Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?""Well," says the boy, "because it sure wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
Some doc's r hangin round and bragging about their accomplisments, one says"A guy got his hand cut off in a grinder and i fixed him up and now he a famous writer" the next guy says "oh yeah well I found a guy who got run over and was missing both his legs, now hes a track star" The third doctor looks @ both of them and smirks, says "thats nothin, one time a guy in texas was rindin his horse and got run over by a train, all that was left was his hat and the horses ass, I sewed em together and he became president."
dick cheny gets a call from bush. "hey dick, you remember how you told me to keep myself busy in the oval office? i found a puzzle of a chicken. but i have a problem.." to which cheny replies, "and what would that be?" bush says, "well, i cant find any corner pieces, or pieces that fit together at all for that matter..." so cheny tells bush that he will be over there right away to help. when cheny gets in, he slowly walks over to the president, and realizes what he is doing. "For the love of god george, pick up the corn flakes!"
Alas I can't take credit for the Bush goes to hell joke. Garrison Keillor told that one on Praire Home Companion a few weeks ago. He had a ton of Bush jokes but I could only remember a few. They did have some awesome skits that really slammed Bush. This week Garrison Keillor had asked people to write in and tell Praire Home Companion what they were thankful for. One guy wrote in and said that he was thankful that he was Canadian.
I don't really care where the Bush jokes come from, I just appreciate them! I am going to need quite a sense of humor to get me through the next four years... I like that horse's ass one.
What does GOP stand for? Gas Oil Plutonium Not long ago Bush made a speach in which he said that his favorite Bible verse was John 16:3. John 3:16 Says "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son. So that all that believed in Him should not die but have everlasting life." John 16:3 Says..These things they do because the do not truly know the Father nor me.
