I love finding out who my true friends are

I've been friends with this girl for over two years now. She is four years younger than me but when her and I met we connected right away, which is very difficult for me to do because I have really bad social anxiety. But I felt comfortable to open up around her. She felt the same way about me. We immediately became good friends and very shortly we became best female friends. Her and I both don't have any female friends and my best friend is my long term boyfriend. When I met her, she was 19 and seemed very mature for her age. I was 23 and we started hanging out all the time. She tells me I'm one of the few people she can trust and she considers me her best friend. But a few months ago she got into hard drugs.

She started shooting up heroin and prescription pills. I really don't know how often since she doesn't really like talking about her vices. But I know it's tearing her apart. When she was 19, she was smart, mature, very down to earth and appeared secure and confident. Now at 21 years old, she seems more insecure and lost all her self worth (confidence). Every guy she has dated in the past year have been total douch bags. They all were controlling and manipulating her. Her last boyfriend would even hit her but he is now in jail for that. My friend got a new boyfriend now and shockingly, it turns out I know her boyfriend. I've known him for 8 years and I know he's also just like her last boyfriend but he also cheats, beats and steals. Even vandalizes properties and b&e. His last girlfriend, he stole her checks and wrote himself out an $800 check and cashed it. He also stole checks from me when I had a party (back when I was 18 and living with the parents) and he snuck into my parents room one time, smoked a joint in the closet and put the roach out in my moms shoe. Also tried burning one of my mom's dresses. So I do not like him.

My friend is now dating this guy and I've told her that I don't like him and I told her all the stuff he has done to me and other people. She asked him about it and the only thing he admits is stealing money from his ex because he did go to jail for that and other people has already told her he did that. She sometimes comes over and tells me that she does not like her boyfriend and he is an asshole to her but she's with him because he's "only good for one thing". I don't know if that means sex or drugs. Probably a little of both.

Her and I are no longer friends because she decided to end our friendship on 4/20 when I wanted to have a couple people over. I told her to come over on 4/20 and she said she would. She calls me when she's few blocks away and says her boyfriend is with her. I told her I don't want him over and I just invited her. She knows how I feel about him and don't want him around. If I see him out with her, that's fine. I just don't want him at my house. She gets pissed off and tells me she's not coming over then and they turn around and go home. She calls me when she got home and told me her and I are no longer going to be friends because if I don't accept her boyfriend then I can't accept her. So she doesn't want to be my friend and will no longer call me or come over. What a dumb bitch. She tells me all the time that she doesn't even like the guy and she has only known him for one month, if that.
She also sees her ex boyfriend in jail every week and keeps that a secret from everyone. He gets out in two weeks and she wants to get back together with him.

She may or may not call me again and really, I don't even care. She's a bullshit friend. I should have ended our friendship a couple months ago. This isn't the only thing that she has done. Her and I never fight but she puts our friendship on the back burner 90% of the time. Pretty much as soon as she started shooting up, this is how our friendship has been:

1) She calls me all the time and asks me what I'm up to. She wants to hang out and tells me she's coming over and will be at my house soon. She just doesn't show up and won't pick up her phone when I call her back. I think maybe 30% of the time she will show up.

2) If she actually does show up, she will hang out and stay for a few minutes then leaves. She stays for 20 minutes max. Her and I actually haven't just chilled for more than 20 minutes in over a year. When she is here for that short amount of time, all she does is bitch about her boyfriend and constantly texts and calls him while with me. Then she yells at him and leaves.

3) Sometimes I'll ask her to go some place with me. So she kinda has to hang out. Usually we'll meet up at a place with lots of people like a bar or something. Usually I'll order my drink and she's outside making a phone call. I'll sip on my drink and next thing I know she is gone. Doesn't say goodbye or answer my calls. Sometimes she will and acts like it was no big deal. She'll just be like "yeah I'm with my boyfriend and we're at his place now" and not seem to notice or care that I'm pissed that she ditched me like that. Usually she just talks to him or a bunch of people in the background and laugh instead of talk to me so I just hang up on her.

4) One time I tried going somewhere different so she can't really just grab her cell phone, chat then peace out. So I asked her if she wanted to go swimming. She got excited and wanted to drive to the pool at some hotel to go swimming because her friend works in the pool room. She drove me there and as soon as I got out of the car she said she'd be back in 20 minutes and had to pick something up. I couldn't go with her and I got real pissed but waited for 20 minutes for her to come back. She didn't come back so I called. Her phone was off. She finally comes back 2 hours later with her ex boyfriend and all of a sudden doesn't wanna go swimming so she dropped me off at my house and went to her ex bf's house.

5) This last reason, I should have really ended our friendship then. Her grand father, who is a wealthy business owner in Chicago was worried about her drug habits. He wanted to move her there and give her a job in his building. She wanted me to move with her and I could live in the apartment and get a job with her at her grandpas business. He would pay all rent and util. for 3 months and half of the rent and util. after 3 months. My rent would have been extremely cheap, in a good neighborhood in a new city. I talked to her grandpa about everything and he got the apartment for us. Her and I picked the moving day. I told my job and land lord that I was moving. I packed everything up and waited for her to pick me up. She never picked me up and I couldn't reach her. I was forced to move into my parents house for a month. She just disappeared and I found out she went to rehab but it never worked out and her mom wasted a bunch of money on it. She said we'd move there in 2 more weeks but by that time I ended up getting an awesome job and a really nice house for myself. It's a good thing I didn't move because I'm happy here. She never moved either.

So all of this is a pretty good reason to dislike her and delete her number from my contacts.

 

She started shooting up heroin and prescription pills. I really don't know how often since she doesn't really like talking about her vices. But I know it's tearing her apart. When she was 19, she was smart, mature, very down to earth and appeared secure and confident.


This statement stands out the most in your whole post. It is the turning point in your relationship with your friend.

Is your friend worth trying to help.
Is your friend worth trying to save even from herself.
Are you strong enough to try to ride this out with her and get her help.
Are you strong enough to keep trying when she gives up.
Are you strong enough to put her first.

Friendship is a two way street. True friends are there when all seems to be hopeless, they take a burden and share it so that you can climb out. Fair weather friends are there when things are great, the type of friend that is a dime a dozen.

Only you can decide what is right for you but also consider as a real friend what can you do to make it right for her.

Hope all works out for both of you.

 

wow i actually read all that. i would have stopped talking to that girl after about the 2nd time she pulled that shit on me. you stayed around a lot longer than I would have!!

sounds like she's got some serious issues to deal with, i feel sorry for her. she can only dig herself out of that hole herself. hopefully one day she has the strength to do that and then maybe she'll be a better friend. otherwise she's not worth your time. you can't help people like that, at least not until they want to change. she's busy making all the wrong decisions at the moment.

 

throw that trash out and dont take it back