Is he playing mind games, or does he want to be friends?

About 4 months ago I met a guy through a friend, at the time he had a boyfriend, so obviously I didn't think anything would ever happen, I was glad to make another friend though.

A few weeks later, he and his boyfriend broke up, he texted me two weeks later asking me to go out.
Anyway, we went out, got drunk, came back to mine to get high, all i was looking for was friendship to be honest. But I made myself a bed on the floor, he asked to lie on the bed.

He sort of was playing with his phone as I lay next to him, then I started to stroke his face, I kissed him but I could feel his saying no, but then he kissed me back and we hugged and kissed for a while longer, then fell asleep.

The next day he texted me basically saying 'let's stick to our friendship'. Over the next few weeks we went out in a group, didn't come back to mine though. I feel he is a little cold with me when we are in a group, and always talks about wanting to meet a guy etc, etc.

He also snogged a guy in a club infront of me, although to be fair, I did too.

A few weeks ago, he happened to come to mine one friday evening, we just stayed in, listened to music, we did kiss, but he was being reluctanct, saying 'no, come on we are friends' but not exactly fighting me off. Then when I stopped kissing him, he pounced on me, pinned me to the bed and started full on kissing me. I was a bit overwhelmed, then as we started to undress each other he said 'and that's all you're getting for tonight', then I walked him to the bus stop.

The next night he came to mine to prepare for a friends birthday party, he just hugged, I can't remember if I tried to kiss him, but at the party he kind of ignored me and was stand-offish most of the night.

Then the other night (tuesday 20/4/2010), he called me out of the blue, asking if I wanted him to come round.

Being the pissheads that we are, we had a drink and smoked some weed, we listened to music cuddled up together, I played with his wrist jewelery, he didn't seem to mind.

I asked him to lie down and we hugged, he just lay with his eyes closed and I was stroking his face, then I kissed him and he just got up and said 'that's not what I'm here for!', he wasn't aggressive, I felt like he was trying to make me look stupid.
He said that's not how he felt, but then as he was leaving he said something along the lines of 'but you don't feel the way I feel'.

Part of me thinks, does he want me to tell him that I do have feelings?, but the only way I feel confident enough is when we have been drinking or smoking weed.

The other part of me thinks, I should tell him that I have feelings, but I can get to a place where I can be happy to see him with someone else, and I'll get over these feelings and we can be friends.

Or maybe he's just playing mind games.

Can you help?

 

I think he just wants to be friends. I realize that you've provided examples of physical affection he's given you, but the boy seems to be a bit unsure of what he wants. He may not be playing with your emotions on purpose. I think you should try to have a sober, in-person talk with him and ask him what he wants. Also, is he a really cool person you'd like to be just-friends with, or is it only physical attraction at party time?

 

Hello, wow his a fickle one isnt he?
Maybe his still fucked up over his ex, it hasnt been long since they have broken up.
My intution is screaming 'be careful' emotionally..
His defo attracted to you, sounds to me like he doesnt want to get hurt-
In the process tho you have to remember you and ur feelings can you be strong enuf to play the game, of push pull? if not you should back off.
Dunno if thats any help, i wish you luck n love
xxx

 

If you think he's just "playing mind games" you're in a deeeeeeep state of denial, my friend. How more obvious do you want him to be about not wanting anything else other than a friendship with you?

 

But he wants friendship, then why kiss me, why be intimate with me, why describe my features when he said what he finds most attractive in a guy.

Maybe he just wants to be friends, I don't know.

 

This is pretty complex...

When guys and girls say things they actually mean the opposite. I remember this one time I was having sex with this one guy and he kept saying no no please stop. Which meant of course yes yes dont stop. He seemed really bummed afterwards for some reason, something about his virginity and how he was saveing it. I said alright fine but atleast show some enthusiasm next time.

So I guess my advice would be to translate what they're saying always.

"No i'm not interested we're just friends"
means
"Yes I'm interested in you, I think we should have sex right now"


"No seriously if you don't stop drugging me and forceing yourself on me im going to file a restraining order"
means
"Keep doing what you're doing and i'll give you a license to continue doing so for life"

Trust me i'm in prison.

 

He just sounds like an arsehole to me.

 

This makes me so glad that I was part of the Sexual Revolution. Sex had nothing to do with "Relationships." We just fucked and enjoyed it. The only coyness was considered foreplay, nothing serious like "I want to consider you as a life partner before I fuck you" or "I'm still a fucking virgin?"

In fact, I still find vestiges of that. An old friend came over. I hadn't seen him in a long time since he was in a relationship. Surprisingly we ended up in bed - turns out his partner was out of country at the time.

WE ARE GUYS - WE DO THAT!

So, my guess is this guy is either bi-polar, schizophrenic, relligious fanatic or otherwise flawed as manifested by his ambivalence to be a normal guy and have sex with you whether or not he considers you relationship material.

Getting onto each others' cock would be a great way to see if you are compatible as lovers and that milestone which seems to be in your way would send your relationship in some direction - either as serious lovers or fuckbuddies.

Sorry to be so frank. I'm old. Not much time left and it annoys me to see ppl running in circles wasting valuable time that they could be having fun together. Sit down together sober and tell him to quit playing games. Invite him outright to have sex, which both of you desire and get thru that obstacle to moving in some direction.

 

Wow! Yeah, it was a hell of a surprise! I surely didn't see that coming...

 

herehere

 

Perhaps a friendly mind game.