Compromising your own happiness to spare another's heart

I always tell people not to do this. But I am doing it right now. Why can't I take my own advice? It's unfair to both people involved.. but I am so scared to open my mouth. I've been lying to myself for so long, but I am not ready to turn my life completely upside down and start from scratch.

Shit man

 

Been there, it's a horrid feeling. But obviously, you have to bite the bullet.

You will probably discover by letting him down sooner rather than later will ultimately spare a lot more pain, enough to wonder whether hanging on to the relationship was really the wise choice.

Sucks to hear though, any particular reason? Or am I being too personal

 

Thanks... yeah, it's terrible. I've been on the other side of this feeling which is why I'm extra hesitant about taking the plunge. Not really anything particular.. people change.. feelings change.. sometimes you learn you're not both in it for the same reason anymore.. my heart's just not in it anymore, hasn't been for a long time.. I care for him, I truly do... but I'd be lying if I ever said I was in love... ya know...

In my gut, I knew it from the beginning. But led myself into a nice lie anyway...

 

Women are fickle

 

Not fickle, just... selfish lol

 

Heh, well I will level with you hear, and it makes me sound like a loser

but I was that guy. An ex strung me along in a similar way, and I could just sense the discomfort. I don't remember another time I was so annoyed with a partner, and it was mostly for letting me just knock about with her for months thinking my life was just going through the motions.

It sounds like you have been with the guy for a while. I just think you should be open with him and tell him that it's just not working- and this should be done face to face. I sort of live with this 'don't do to others what I would not like done to myself' mentality, and I can assure you no one would like to be strung along.

None of this is your fault though, I mean the heart is a funny old thing is it not? The only other alternative is to perhaps just give it time, because they say love can blossom and maybe you just haven't witnessed that yet.

 

It sho' is. How can I be doing this to someone, when it happened to ME in my last relationship of 5 years. I know exactly how it feels, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Yet here I am.

Maybe you're right, though.. maybe I am just in a funk (usually comes at the 3.5-4 year mark for me, but I digress). I know I'm not ready to say anything yet.. which is me second-guessing myself in the first place, perhaps. Maybe I should ride it out for a while. I know there are plenty of things I can do on my part to bring this to light.. it's just the question of where to begin.

Thanks for putting it into perspective for me. It's already not as big a deal as it was when I first posted, heh... just helps to put it in writing sometimes. So thanks

 

Hey, no problem. Good luck with it all!

 

so it's not really sparing another's heart that you're worried about then, is it?


sounds like everyone involved would be happier if you just said what needs to be said. or maybe you're just on your period, i don't know.

 

Not exclusively, no. I'm looking out for myself, too. The fact is that it's happened to me before and I don't want to be a fucking insensitive piece of shit to someone I care about.. but I am selfish, period or not.

 

i sometimes feel the same way. i've been dating her for over 4 years.

where do you live?

 

Just outside Philly Yeah man, there's something hexed about that 4th year range. Been there...

 

I've been dragged along. Please, for his sake, end it. And be completely honest and open. When my ex girlfriend ended it, she was so vague!!!. I don't want to analyze this, it's done she said. That's all I got. Please make it crystal clear why you're leaving and be as kind and polite as possible.

 

Ultimately your screwing him over more by making him spend more time with you and get even more into you.

 

You can't deprive someone else of their true happiness because obviously if you're not happy with them it's not meant to be so you're just wasting each others time.