yes, funeral rites are barbaric... but... my father died last friday evening (very quick - apparrent heart attack, he hated long goodbyes...) and by tuesday he was buried... and in spite of the wierdness of this transition from life into death, the very presence of ritualized response gave us all a framework within which to act out, channel, & begin the process of healing... and shared grief is surely better than grieving alone... a chance to reflect on the way of all flesh, all flesh is grass... indeed, old koholeth was right when he wrote in ecclesiates "a time to laugh, a time to mourn"... listening to the words embedded in christian burial service (& surely in funeral rites in cultures around the world) & trying to grok in fullness (but, i am only an egg in these things...) the promise of meeting again when all are gathered in... and the great wheel turns... my dad told me that funerals are for the living... hmmm, my dad told me lots of things... maybe i should write some of them down before memory fades... ~ today, tell someone close to you that you love them... you won't regret it...
I remember my grandfather's funeral. I was completely unemotional, I didnt cry or feel depressed. I knew him well and was close to him, but I understood his time had come and it was better that he left his body than continue to suffer in his diseased state. But I remember, vividly, watching when my father and his 3 brothers performed the final rites and slid the body into the flames to be cremated and the four of them broke down, just collapsed into each other's arms and wept. And immediately the priest called them and diverted them to the next ritual and the next ritual after that. I wept too at the sight of their monumental grief. But I also understood why we need funerals. Funerals are for the living, like your father said. They help mitigate the immediate impact and they help ease into mourning. The initial shock is absorbed by the funeral ceremony. May your father find fulfilment in future lives.
It seems to me that when we have funerals, we should feel at least as compelled to celebrate the life that the individual lived as we are to mourn their passing from it. I've seen some amazing things at funerals. Sudden change of weather. A Sparrow cawing and flying off immediately after the last rites were recited. People, breaking, and other people stepping to their aid, to support them, to hold them together. That's the most amazing thing, definitely. eMBeMLaHV!
i agree, that there is a place for ritual. however, i think alot of contemporary seekers see ritual as tied to strict dogma or rigidity and turn away from it. i read some where that ritual attempts to mirror the patterns and meaning we see in the natural world on a human scale. i like that idea....
Sorry for your loss, I hope you're doing ok. Yes, rituals are important. They are the glue in our lives. They are the well beaten paths we walk when times are hard and we are unsure of the way. They are the old paths between life stages: birth rites, puberty rites, marriage rites, death rites. They are the most human things about us, in a way, because we all experience these things. Sadly, we have very few left in our modernist culture. The lines of life have blurred, the paths are growing grassy. This may be why society seems so evil. The communities are disintegrating and coming apart at the seams.
Rituals are very important. Humans developed them for a reason, and every culture has their own forms. It is important to understand the benefit and purpose of our rituals, and not get into who's (by culture or religion) is right or wrong.
