It needs work but this is what I have so far. Hopefullly it's not difficult to grasp the meaning Lying on a beach, Life is great, The sun warms my body, The rythmic sound of the waves relaxes my mind. The steady movement of the waves rocks the boat ever so slightly, As I stare up at the clouds water splashes onboard. Flying through the clouds visibility is minimum, All of a sudden the plane is wretched to one side, Then the other, Were out of the cloud, No more turbulence, I can see to the road far below. Speeding down the road, Swerving left and right, Dodging other cars, Lose control..slam on breaks..CRASH.. Wait..when the fuck did I leave the beach
I was sceptical at first... but I liked the way it developed. Perhaps more of a stylistic contrast between the beginning and ending? You could put some nice, pretty, imagery at the beginning, really get the reading immersed in the serenity and sensuality of the experience, then, hey, what the hell's going on here? ps. I think you missed out an apostrophe in "were". Surely "we're"
