Recently my boyfriend and I had a huge fight. He called me names and said things that he has never said in the 2 years we have been together. It all started because he was being a jerk and embarrassing me in front of his friends. Later that night I didn't want him sleeping in my bed. THe fight got worse and worse and he insinuated that I had been unfaithful. Now, I may have had thoughts, but never once have I ever acted on them. I slapped him across the face. He called me a lying skanky whore. He beat the shit out of me. I didn't lie there and take it, I defended myself and banged him up pretty good too. But it was nothing like the blows he gave me. We were both on Xanax and drank a lot that night (yes I know the rules about drinking and taking that shit) so I thought things could be worked out in the morning. But as I was leaving for work he got up and started running his mouth and telling me exactly how I ruined his life. I said pack up and leave then. Then he cried and cried because " I didn't love him and was willing to throw everything away" It's not true. I just thought if he's so miserable then why stay? I'm so confused. I really want to work on the relationship but I'm not sure if I should. I mean, he hit me, but I DID hit him frst to shut his mouth. I really need someone's opinion. thanks
no one should be hit by the one that loves them! and as for "reuined his life" i think he is just trying to play a guilt trip on you! follow your heart and dont let anyone hurt you. (he sounds like a weenie) :H
If you want to be in a relationship with the kind of guy who beats up women, then by all means keep it going. The choice is yours. Just don't be surprised when it happens again.
sometimes we hav2 leave the ones we love behind in order to become a stronger person ourselves,he sounds liek he may b quite weak with the whole trust issue,its not good to b wuith sum1 who constantly accuses u of things,and brings u down,u will only end up feeling worthless. think about this long and hard...can u see a future with him,and is it a good future,or one that u fear? do u tihnk this guy is right for u.think long and hard,only you can make this desicion. ask ureself questions
If one of your girlfriends were going through this, what would you tell her??? Sometimes we forget to be our own best friend. Would you take this crap from one of your friends??? If they called you names and beat you, you would probably say "wow, they're not my friend". But yet you will make excuses for him doing this. Something like this does not "blow over". I stayed 15 years too long in a crappy one way relationship, big waste of both our lives. When I decided I had had enough, things started going right in my life. Eventually he got his shit together (13 years AFTER I left him) and he is just freshly married to a good woman and we are friends. I am married to my first love now and he treats me like I should be treated, with love and respect. Decide what YOU want in YOUR life, then go about getting it. teepi
thank you to all who responded and didn't call me an idiot for letting it happen. It's never happened before and I don't want it to happen again. is it possible for a couple to have an all out raging fight and fix things? I really think I DID have a future with him but this made me re-think everything. I still don't know what to do yet. I kicked him out of my place until I decide what I want to do. Is it stupid to think that it COULD just happen once? I mean with being all fucked up and everything? Or do you think I'm just in love and don't want to let go? Or both? AHHH! I'm so confused. I don't know what I would tell a friend of mine in this position.
Me and my dad once had an all out raging fistfight, were great now though. We realized how stupid it was to get violent for such a poor reason, so much better to talk it out. I dont think the drugs helped your situation, and though he hit you, you did hit him first (I dont care about whats proper, were all equal, violence incites violence) See where it goes he probably feels awful for letting it escalate like that. I for one would be ver upset if I lost control of my emotions and struck someone. Like I have before.
You both plan on quitting drinking/drugs and seriously figuring out where the problems stem from and addressing them? Would both of you consider going to couples therapy or something like that to even see if it'd be beneficial? Without doing something significant to ensure a different direction, I'd say your chances are slim to none of there being no recurrence like the one you had. I've been in your position, the argument wasn't over until I lost, and if I stuck up for myself, it'd escalate. I'm glad it's over, now; but I wish I'd been smart enough to leave a long time ago, it would have saved me a lot of heartache and mental health. My trust in others has been shot, and it's a direct result of the crap I went through. Also, I agree that it was wrong of you to slap him, but that definitely doesn't give him the right to hit back. If I'd hit my ex in retaliation, I would've broken bones...
We are not taught to argue fairly. We end up giving in and resenting. Or we become aggresive and others end up fearing us and walking on egg shells. I agree with Fulmah, you can both calm down and wait and see, if and when it happens again ,who ends up with the worst of it. Or you can acknowledge what has taken place and deal with it...with a third party to help you get at the root of the matter. Most women in these situations (and yes some men)...will just walk around real polite and honeymoon each other...until another situation occurs. If you shrug this off you are both setting yourselves up. Please for both your sakes get some help and learn how to argue or realize your in a dangerous place. He may have some issues he's not addressing like when he accused you of messing around and when his guards down they come out. Those are the things you need to talk about when your calm, and be honest with each other. I wish you lots of luck and insight, teepi
The guilt cycle is pretty powerful in abusive relationships... a person who stays with someone like that will always have that niggling doubt in their mind "but he is usually so sweet" or something like that. That's what keeps them there, because they don't trust their own judgement, and usually that's because they're as confused as hell because the man plays the angel at other times. It's like trying to nail shit to a wall. If it happens again, and you continue to stay with him, chances are that will give him the signal that it's acceptable behaviour, and he will probably even start blaming you, rationalising it like "well she deserved it", "she had it coming to her" etc. which is totally wrong of course. I do agree with the other posters, perhaps see what happens and do the best you both can to repair the relationship, but I would say that at his age (if it's a similar age to yours), where drug/alcohol experimentation is commonplace, chances are you are not going to get him to stay off the drugs etc for the sake of the relationship. If it happens again I would definitely pack my bags. No-one has to put up with that shit... and no man like that, no matter how great he is at other times, is worth hanging around for.
I don't care if a woman slaps a man, it doesn't hurt that much. BUT He decided to HIT you. Thats not right. A man should NEVER EVER EVER EVER!!!!!! hit a woman(unless shes weilding a knife or something). Kick his ass TO THE CURB. You deserve better than that. Once a woman beater always a woman beater.
First off I just want to say I'm sorry you had to go through this. Yes you slapped him, but he in turn beat the shit out of you? That shows a few things about him...and trust me they arnt good things. I have a close friend who has a serious relationship with her boyfriend of now 6 years. When it was about 2 years along she got in a argument with him and slapped him hard right across the face. (she has a massive temper). What did he do? He turned and walked out of the room. They eventually worked things out...obviously...and she apologized realizing she was in the wrong for slapping him. She told me he said he was pissed when he got slapped, but knew the best thing for both of them was to not be in each others presence so they could both calm down. At the time I think they were both about 18, 19 years old? Something like that. Anyways the whole point to me telling you this story is that you may love him and want to work this out, but you have to serious ask yourself...is this the type of person you want to be with? Do you really want to even take the chance of this happening AGAIN when it should not have happened a first time? Yeah, the drugs probably had some to do with it, but even so....some men just dont have it in them to hit a woman, drunk, high or not....and some do. He obviously does have it in him. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
