Developed feelings for the fuck buddy

Hi everyone...this may turn in to a long rant so I apologize if if I go on for ages!
Basically I've developed feelings, very strong feelings for my sex buddy and its really starting to get to me.
I met him online about 8 months ago, where we would chat on there, soon swaped numbers and we texted alot. He kept asking for me to go round his but I kept saying no as I felt bit uncomfortable going round someones place I barely know for sex. At this point I'd only had sex with another guy once and that was terrible, me and a friend, too much drink, it wasn't nice lol! Anyway after nearly 2 months I agreed to go to his and when I got there I was very suprised, I knew he was a bit 'chubby' but he was really quite big in person, but he seemed a real nice guy, gorgeous face, so we had sex and I left. Just like that. I don't know how I really felt, it was strange, and I kind of felt like that that was my real first time with a guy.

This went on for a fair few months, he'd ask me if I got lucky at the weekends etc, when I'd say no he would tell me to 'sort it out' or 'man up'. When I'd say yes (I hadn't really) he'd ask what this other guy was like, did he have a big dick etc, I've never understood why he'd ask. I only asked him twice if he had scored and both times he said yes and it was good...I'd make out I didn't care, when really it annoyed me, but only a little. Sometimes we would go for like 3/4 weeks without seeing each other, we would text but it wasn't anything great, basically he would text if he wanted sex, and it would usually be when I was busy.

For the past 3 months though things seemed to have changed. He has stayed the night round mine quite a few times, I stayed at his before he moved in with a friend, and he's very nice to me, like cuddly, tells me he wants to take me away etc, which I dont really believe, and probably give off the impression that Im not that interested. Ive gone out for a drink with him once, he's invited me out with his friends a couple of times (which Ive turned down because I'd feel very uncomfortable around his friends due to him being very closeted etc) and we have gone to a sauna together. We have also started to have bareback sex, which Im really not sure of. I know its not recommended etc, Ive said to him its a big deal for me and he just replies 'its mutual trust'. Things like this make me think maybe Im the only one he's seeing and maybe we are kind of seeing each other but neither of us want to say anything and ruin it.

BUT then there are the other things he does that just makes me feel like he is using me. Like I said earlier he tends to only text when he wants some. Sometimes he texts asking how I am etc, but not often.
He has stood me up twice, said he'd come round to mine and never showed, says he'll make it up but never does.
Another time he told me to book a weekend off work so we could do something together, it never happened, gotta text Saturday afternoon saying wanna meet for lunch etc and have an early night, I replied saying I couldnt make it for about an hour, he replied 'well i'm drunk so Im gonna go to bed and I'll be round tonight'. I said forget it and told him I was really pissed off etc, he said sorry but I doubt he meant it.
And Ive noticed that on a few occasions he has come to mine and Ive smelt drink, he is a heavy drinker and he wont deny it but it makes me feel like Im just a drunken shag to him.

Ive deleted him off my facebook (he would always comment on my status' etc) but the reason I deleted him was because i'd get jealous of the girls and guys he was fiends with, I'll be the first to admit Im a jealous person and when I see guys and girls who I know for a fact that he finds attractive on there, I get angry lol. I know I shouldnt but I do. Im not sure if he has noticed but he has been asking how come I'm quiet, has he upset me and why its always him who texts me and never the other way around. Which is true to be fair. He's also been asking who else I shag (which is nobody, as I only want him) who I was getting it off before him, and says he doesnt understand why I like him, I replied 'cuz you gotta big dick' and when he asks if I have got with anyone else, I say no, which is true, he laughs and calls me a liar. I asked if it turned him on knowing I was getting on other guys and he said no, so Im not sure what he wants me to say.

The few friends who know about this tell me I can do better that I'm being used etc. I know they are right, even though I feel like I get mixed messages from him, I know I am being used deep down, I doubt he will ever come out so I kind of give off the impression that I can do better than him and that I know Im sexy and can get hotter guys....but again deep down I have no self confidence, Ive only been with 2 guys (I'm 24, which I feel is really lame) and I really dont like the gay scene where I live, so the chances of me finding someone is very slim. So I know that I'm clinging on to him out of hope something may change and because nobody else has showed me this attention before.

I think about him all the time and he really gets to me like nobody else, which is stupid. What do you guys think I should do? What do you think he thinks of me? I know I could ask him these things myself but chances are if he does actually like me, he wont say, but even if he does how am I supposed to know he's telling the truth? He could just be saying it to keep me happy. I'd really appreciate your guys help please.....and again sorry for the very very long post!!

 

You have actually answered all your questions yourself.

The guy is really using you!
He is a heavy drinker.
He and you are BAREBACKING!!!
And you lack self-confidence, and are really with him because deep down, you know that the chances of finding someone else are slim.

Cut that crap and run for the hills.

He may be a good FB (no barebacking!!!) and, yeah he may even have a good, big, hard dick. None of which really adds up to being a good BF material. You know that.

So, get going, connect, meet up with cool dudes from the neighboring towns... do whatever is needed to avoid being used, abused and possibly exposed to serious health risks... You know what's the right thing to do here. You only need to man up to it.

KD

 

Ugh...everything you said is true but its easier said than done..well for me anyway.
Sometimes I feel that this is better than being alone and other times I think fuck this shit. I mean we were just meant to be fuck buddies, nothing else, the possibility of feelings developing were always on the cards I suppose, especially how long we have been hooking up for, I just wish they weren't this strong, or that he'd feel something for me.
I'm seeing him tonight, I'll make sure we use a condom!! and I think I'll try talking to him about what I feel etc, see what happens. I won't get my hopes up though.

 

Yeah, I never understood the barebacking thing, I mean what the hell? Such a risk and for what?, so neither of you has to worry about the 30 seconds to put on a condom? Might as well go play Russian Roulette

Anyway, as for feelings for the FB, there's no real answer happens to me everytime, especially if he's really hot or really good, just a positive reinforcement thing, if he keeps making your eyes roll back in your head, of course you are going to grow attached

 

ive been in very similar situations

get out while you still can and still are healthy, please!

 

Thats the thing, he isn't even that hot!

I've seen him twice since and when we were having sexy time, I got a condom out and put it on him. He was fine with it, didnt complain, just asked why I didnt trust him anymore, to which I said 'well we aren't in a relationship are we? we can see other people and we dunno where they have been'. He tried saying that it was me seeing others and that he was some kind of virgin mary lol.

Im slowly breaking the hold he seems to have over me, which is good, really good.

 

Just thought I'd update this and say that I finished it with him 4 days ago...and its pretty painfull. He didn't seem to understand why I want to stop and said I was being stupid but its definatly the right thing to do. I said its a shame as I really like him but I cant keep letting myself have his body but not his mind or heart, I want it all but I know I never will. Ugh this is real tough!!

 

Good for you.. I had a bit of a difficult FB situation once.. he was actually a good friend to start out with, then things got weird (mostly on my end).. but that was a long time ago and we are cool again and I'm thankful for that.

It will hurt for a while, but stay strong.. it would probably be best to cut all contact with him to keep your feelings from relapsing. You're ok.. it's not like you invested years into this guy. This is just a little snag in the road in the big picture. Get out and keep yourself busy, surround yourself with good friends and family, maybe put your feelers out for some nice guys.. you'll be feeling fine soon enough. Good luck and good energies to ya

 

He sounds like one of those people who decides they're gay because the whole gay lifestyle has been marketed as something where everything is liberal and open and no one needs to worry about having real relationships because all gay guys are just out to fuck as many other guys as possible.

Seriously, as much as some people find the idea morally repulsive or think of it as a damaging stereotype, other people actually seem to prefer to think of themselves and all other gay people this way.

If you're going to saunas together, it's probably not a good thing... those places are sick.

Sounds to me like you're just young... trust me, experiences like this are good for you-- they help you to toughen up and you end up getting more discerning about what you want. Next time you get the impression someone is using you, it won't be as hard, and then if it happens again, it will be even easier. Also, you'll be better able to recognize when someone is good for you.

Therefore, you did the right thing.

 

Oh I totally know that I'll look back and think 'wtf was i doing?!' but at this very moment its like...now its over, i find myself thinking about him even more and really wanting to call him. Trying to keep busy so i dont think about it. Just find it odd that im feeling like this over something that wasnt serious or even a proper relationship!

 

it seems that you're in lv with him. either get over him, or do something about it.

 

Fuck buddies just never work out. Women seem more in tune to their sexual beings and tend to make a connection between sexual and romance. Not to say all women or even some men do or do not do this. In my personal experience, just wanting to be fb with someone always lead to either me or him having feelings for each other. At times it is possible for either gender to draw back so much that it can cause the other to reach for it more or pull away too. I believe there isnt anything I can say that can make it true advice but lead you in the right direction, maybe just help you realize what you actually feel. I have met wonderful people through all the things I have been through and you just have to hold onto those things. When it starts to bring you down again you have to constantly remind yourself of all the bad things and how much they out weigh the good. It really does help.. just start anew! Good luck on starting fresh!

 

If I were to do something about it, what would you suggest I do? I know that considering I have just ended it I have nothing to lose, I wouldnt wanna make an idiot out of myself! I must admit that it does feel more than ive ever felt for someone before but love? not sure. but then again i've never been in love so dont know what it feels like. I'm just glad that i have somewhere i can get all this stuff out of my system, thanks for listening. and thanks for the advise.

 

well, 'in love' is a bit lighter than 'love', but that's just technicalities. whether you're in love or it's a crush, the important thing is to answer to yourself whether you want to be with him. if yes, then making a fool out of yourself shouldn't really influence your decision. we all make fools out of ourselves countless times during our lifetime. nobody can avoid it. and if that's a factor in your decision then you don't really wanna be with him.

on the other hand, you said you thought he was only using you. so, that's a factor. i don't know if that's true, it's hard to make a guess at the intentions of a person i've never met in my life from behind a computer screen. so i'm not gonna speculate about that. it's up to you, you're the only one here who has met him. if you really think he is using you, then i would say it won't be worth it to try anything with him. but if you have reason to think he might be sincere then it would be worth a try. the worst thing that'll happen is, yes, that you'll make a fool out of yourself. but it isn't the end of the world. the best thing to happen is you might get what you want. and it always pays going after what you want. if you lose you gain an experience, if you win you win everything.

but, you gotta make that call. you shouldn't really let anybody else influence your decision. if you think about it, i'm sure, inside, you'll understand whether he is worth pursuing or not.

and if yes, i'd suggest you come at least partially clean about why you cut contact with him. tell him, you got too involved, tell him you started to have some sort of feelings you weren't sure you wanted or he wanted. tell him you'd like to give it a shot if he wants it. don't make up any lies. it'll make things worse. if he doesn't want it, then that's that. you gave it a shot, and there's nothing to be ashamed of. respect your own feelings and desires, don't let anyone tell you or make you feel that they're wrong or shameful. they're not. you're a human being like the rest of us.

that's my advice. i hope it helps a little.

in the end, like i said, it's all up to you and what you want. do what you want.

 

Thanks for your replies...everything your saying is what i already know, but because the signs i get from him are so mixed and the fact he is always pretty quiet around me just puts me off saying anything to him. I wouldnt lie about how i feel about anything, i always say that being honest is the way to be so if he were to ask i'd do as you said...its just whether he would ask? i told him i really liked him and that random sex wasnt for me anymore, dont think there is anything left for me to say really.

 

if you already told him that, then yeah, i think the ball's in his court.

 

it is indeed. he told me ages ago if he had ever got in to a relationship with a guy and he said no, was close but didnt in the end because he couldnt face coming out...i'd love to be the one who he would come out for but i doubt it'll ever happen, seems like he would miss out on a good relationship just because he wouldnt want people realizing he was gay. its a shame really. but im glad ive realized that i cant do no strings sex, thats the only bright side about this sack of crap haha!

 

yeah. it's a shame some people hold themselves back from what they want. and it makes them miserable but they still can't let go.

 

i dont understand people who would deny themselves true happiness out of fear of what others may say, its retarded.

 

yeah, i never understood it either. i've met guys like that and i've never gotten together with them. it's pointless. they want it, and they know they want it, but they still can't do it. i don't know what it is.