So confused

I've been in an on-again off-again situation for about seven months now. It had never gotten too serious and I began to think it never would on his end. I've been incredibly attracted to him for a long time now and after a recent talk about us just being friends for now I applied to transfer universities to put some distance between us and hopefully get him out of my mind. When he found out I'd done this something changed, he told me he's been on the fence because if we started properly dating I'd be his next serious girlfriend and he hadn't known if he was ready for that. Then he said I had no reason to agree to it but would I consider putting off moving for a year until he could come with me and in the meantime we could work at being a proper couple and sorting things out. It's been such an extreme change and I don't know what to think. Since that discussion he's acted completely differant and seems to be making a genuine effort to prove to me he's ready to be with me but I'm still quite wary. I just don't know how he could've changed his mind about everything so quickly and although I think we're fantastic together and very similar something is making me hold off. I could use some outside eyes and I know what my family and friends would say already so if anyone has any thoughts I'd like to hear them,thanks

 

His change was brought about by your taking power of your life. He was playing it close to the vest (selfishly) because he thought he had 'hand' (a Seinfeldian term). Your display of independence and pragmatism (congratulations by the way on coming to such a responsible decision) has pulled the rug out from under his assumed power advantage. If you change your plan for him he may well return to his selfish secrecy. It's evident that he's more concerned for his own life than he is for yours. That doesn't mean there's no future for you as a couple, (I'm pretty sure you're both young) but make sure you make good choices for yourself whether it's with him or without him. Go get your education. That should be your life's priority now.

 

Hm, what will it hurt? hold the transfer off, feel this one out. I mean, do you have serious feelings for him?

it seems as though he's scared to lose you, which says something.

 

lmao, okay Dr Phil. This isn't 100% true, so please, don't take this to heart

 

Not a problem. She asked.

 

Hunny, go get your education... You cannot let ANYONE hold you back from that.
It's selfish. You deserve better...
He's only paying attention to you because he know your about to give up.
He depends on your affection. Which means he's insecure, which will hold you back from a lot.


Take it from someone who's been there...
Meet a real man.

 

Yeah, this really isn't the place to ask about complex relationship issues. Most people will give you a quick response, jump to a bunch of conclusions and generally give terrible advice, like most of the people here are doing. My advice: do what feels right. If you really like this guy then there's probably something there. If it were me, I'd seriously consider holding off a transfer for something like that.

 

i'm leaning towards what the majority of people have said, about him changing because he realizes you are about to move on, and he likes to know that you are there for when he wants you to be. i've had this happen to me before, went back and forth for 2 years, and in the end decided to move on. if you do go, you'll always have that what if question. but i will say this, if i knew then what i know now, i never would have let that guy get in the way of me starting out my life as an independent adult the right way. really, people here can't help much because we don't know you or the guy personally, it's best to just ask yourself, not friends, not family, not random people on a forum, it'll only make you more confused.

 

bingo

 

You could ask yourself 'why is he unwilling to have a long-distance relationship with you for a year and thereby hold you back? Who gains from that?' If you really care for each other it shouldn't be a dealbreaker. From experience I can tell you definitively that taking a year off is a BAD idea.

 

You guys have given me some points to ponder. I wouldn't be taking a year off school though, just continuing to go here instead of moving. He's asked me to move in with him as well when I get a job,I've been looking for a way to move out of my grandparents for a while but that seems ill advised. I'm really weirded out by this massive change but being around him feels right. I don't know, I suppose as you've all said I've got to ask myself.