kind of annoying me

Isn't that the same thing....?

 

dudes sounds like a child...

 

do NOT let this shit get started. i let it get started and guess what happened by the time we broke up? i was sitting at home every weekend while he went somewhere with his friends, and i was also texting him instantaneously every waking minute of the day and night to assure him that i wasn't having any fun. if he really loves you then you going to your friend's house shouldn't cause any problems between you two. but to be fair, he probably doesn't have much experience with relationships and may not even realize he's doing it. so just have a talk with him about how silly he's being. i may not be much older than you but i really can speak from experience on this one. because guess what? i was your age the first time i let him control me, over something very small, and i said THE SAME THING -"he's otherwise a perfect boyfriend"- and as four years went by, it snowballed, until back around this summer, when i realized that i wasn't doing/wearing/saying a lot of things i wanted to. i also realized i was depressed and eating a lot more than i should, i guess to fill some sort of void. yeah, he wasn't responsible for my happiness but guess what? if someone loves you then your happiness is what they are supposed to take into consideration. i'm finally three months shed of him, but it feels like an eternity since my life is so drastically different. sorry to rant on so, but i really, really don't want to see anything like this happen to another young girl and i just gave the same speech to my cousin last week, so i guess i was prepared, haha. but really, don't let ANYONE control you or you lose your independence, like i did and like a lot of guys and girls in a relationship do.

 

thanks guys

we did talk it out... and all is well again.

he told me he thought that my friend was having a party, i would be sleeping at her boyfriends house with a bunch of other people. generally, this girls parties are sausage fests, so i would be one of very few females...

makes sense, in a protective way to me.
he's generally reasonable..
thanks for the advice guys

 

A heathen??? LOl Hilarity my good sir. Just tell him you went on a walk?

 

xD
itsall goooooooood lol

 

you still need to beware his "protectiveness". before i knew it, the same guy i posted about earlier was "protecting me" from going to have lunch with female friends in a public place, from wearing certain things that he thought were inappropriate, from smoking weed or drinking (any amount), and from basically having any contact with anyone besides him. that was actually what he told me, that he was protecting me from something bad possibly happening. i'm definitely not saying that that's what your boyfriend is doing, but just be looking out for red flags and if you see them, don't ignore them.

 

^^^Good advice.

 

Abusers isolate their victims.

 

Isolation IS abuse, imo.

 

Fact.

It's also a way of enabling other abuse by not exposing the evidence of it to the outside world... it's an effective admission that the abuser knows that what he is doing is wrong... and yes, it's usually the male who abuses.

 

Both of you are wrong.

 

pretty much everything that has been said covers it (ie nobody has the right to control another persons actions)... except for one thing... would you try stop him from sleeping over at another girls house?

Because if you would (or worse yet, have) then you set yourself up for this...

If you haven't and wouldn't do that then you should point this out to him.

 

Please enlighten us then.

 

Definitely. Abuse comes in many forms, starting with oppression and escalating to violence. Family and friends, or even casual acquaintances, are able to see the symptoms, whether they be physical or emotional, and the only way to hide it is to isolate the victim.

 

I agree-- though the motivation for the isolation is more dominance/control than covering up evidence of abuse.

 

True, but as much as it's about controlling the victim, it's also about controlling the situation by not allowing anyone else the chance to find out what's going on.

 

I can't argue with that.

 

yeah, it's definitely abuse and he was definitely getting off on controlling me. he never hit me, (once he grabbed me and left bruises) but i'd say there was a shitload of psychological, emotional stuff etc. going on. i'll never forget one day when i wore a new shirt that was somewhat lowcut. i thought he'd like it but instead he got some safety pins and fastened it together up to the neck, so that nobody else could look at me and possibly rape me at school in a crowded classroom.

 

:thanks:

High school stuff? If it is, get a good job and just relocate, start over. Even so though you should tell somebody besides us you know.