Monkey shit--

Back about 1959,Bill,a friend of mine ,wanted a monkey(what the hell for was a mystery to me). So one fine summer day we got in his mom's car and drove to a town 30 miles away to get one. We browsed around in the pet shop for a while until he eventually picked a cute little Capuchin named Esther and he paid about 30 bucks for monkey,cage and leash. We started back home with the cute little monkey in the cage in the back seat with the additional security of the chain leash which was attached to the little critter. She was sitting in her cage quietly--looking so cute and very calm. I was driving and Bill was talking to and making little noises in the direction of his brand new monkey.


Soon thereafter,Bill said "I think I'll open the cage 'cuz the guy said he was tame.Whuddya think?" I thought about it for 2.6 seconds and replied "Bill---I sense trouble--big trouble". He then said" Ah fuck it--she'll be alright". With that said,he reached back and opened the cage.

Now ,I want to state right here and right now,friends--you have not been witness to a true clusterfuck until you have been driving down the road at 70 miles per with a SCREAMING,CRAPPING,BITING monkey attached to a chain while the thing scrambled 'round and 'round on the inside of a car!!

I managed to miss a few large objects along the side of the road and get the car under control and slid to a stop in a giant cloud of dust.We piled out,covered in monkey shit and let the little shreiking demon have the car.

Some cars stopped,seeing the giant cloud of dust, and several concerned folks asked if we were OK. When the dust cleared and the onlookers realized what had happened --I'm sure the laughter could be heard for a mile! Not every day you see two grown men covered in monkey shit,cowering from a screaming 20 inch high demon.

I don't remember how or when we got that monkey back in her cage--but something very similiar happened when we tried to give the little bugger a bath. Evidently,monkeys like water about as much as they like riding in cars--which appears to be not much.

The family kept Esther for a period of time and she(the monkey) took a real liking to Bill's mom and would sit next to her on their couch and if mom moved over--the monkey moved over. Mom went in the kitchen--the monkey went in the kitchen.The monkey became very jealous of Bill's dad and would raise hell if he got too close to mom. I guess the final straw was when she(the monkey) buried her cute little face in dad's crotch and bit him on the nutsack for getting too close to mom.

I did not make the trip back to the pet shop with Bill to return her.

 

:smilielol5:

 

Thanks ,Brad.True story.

 

It kind of reminded me of the time my brother and I thought it would be a good idea to bring my dog with us when we went through an automatic carwash...I will never ever do that again with a dog in the car.

 

Ooh hell ya can't trust Monkeys, I had one during the war, he was kinda passed around, when someone went home, another guy would take him.. His name was toke, anyway he used to sit on my shoulder and when i would take a bus into town he would go along on my shoulder, I noticed one day a bunch a young girls were pointing at me and giggling, well more at toke on my shoulder then me, i turned my head around to see what they were giggling at, Ha the damn Monkey was giving himself head..

Peace

Peace

 

best ever.

 

Damn, if this kind of thing didn't happen to everyone I've met who had a monkey, I'd get one for sure.

Great story tho

 

lol monkeys shouldnt be owned by people.
just look at charla nash.

 

Looking back on it,I think the monkey owned them.

 

Bump --to hopefully provide a chuckle to someone this cold-ass winter.

 

LOL,Thats friggin hilarious!

thanks for the story.

 

haha. i did have toddlers who figured out how to undo seatbelts. it's very similar.

 

Yes---did too.The little shits.

 

driving downhill at 70 in a canyon in utah, alone with two little girls, CLIMBING OUT OF THEIR SEATBELTS AND PLAYING WITH THE BUTTONS ON THEIR DOORS.

i just about shit myself.

 

I always thought it would be neat to have a monkey.
But now I think I'll just talk a friend into getting one.

 

i've never heard good things about monkey ownership. have a kid. they eventually train up and can do your dishes and totally grow out of the throwing poop at you thing.

 

Well as long as you didn't then throw said shit around the car like Ester....

Anyway, I'm sure the story was told around many a dinner table than evening, scratcho... and possibly related a few times over the ensuing years. Interesting concept along the lines of the child's game "telephone", I wonder if the story morphed as it was told and retold and what the exaggerated end result was say, 20 or 25 years hence.

 

it wouldn't be an excellent yarn if it hadn't. good story telling in a skill to be respected. at least this one, unlike stacy_lulu's didn't end with someone getting pissed off.

 

Well, I have been known to use a little creative hyperbole occasionally, however this story lays out as told. I imagine when my grand kids tell it, I will have put a whippin' on a silverback with a nerf bat.

 

lol I've never heard good things about monkey ownership, either... They are cute, but evil and nasty.