How would you live your life if you found out it was a game? Would you go back 3 spaces to help those in pain? Would you take out other players for a small gain? How would you live your life if you found out it was a game?
Life is a game pal. We all live in a matrix. Take a look around you and see everything so unnatural to the essentials of human existence. Abstract. The poem needs a lot of work. You just stated questions. You need to make the reader feel what you feel. You, some how during the process of thinking this up and writing it down, lost the element that would make a good work of art. Something is missing here; it's disconnected. Reconnect. Make me passionate about what you intended; even if I generally don't care about this subject, make me care. That is the secret. The secret is priceless and can not be bought in paper back. love n light.
Thanks for the feedback man. I agree it needs tons of work..this was just a quick 2 minute Piece. Since I've posted the original it's been completely changed but it'll be some time before it's complete. I was just looking for feedback on the general idea. Once again I always appreciate your comment...btw I read your word plays..they were cool and interesting and I was wondering how they're done, like are there any rules in writing them or anything
