My earthworn teeth laugh at the thought of elbow sandwiches, and I sip my beer again. I flick a page over, think hard on how great poetry was once, as an art, and is now just a past-time. A hammer lays at the feet of my crossed legs, on the floor. I sacrificed my warm seat to write, and I bet the cat owns it now. That bitch hates my face and hisses when I call her name. If she had words, she could scream. If I had love I could sleep the day away in arms, soft, instead I'm awake and drunk. That's fine, too, no hassle. Though I wouldn't mind some hassle. I'm scared to hustle, though, not much for that. What is that? Playtime for kids. I want a good time of sincerity, and honesty, and naked open-mindedness, and sacred femininity. I think all this, take another drink and piss. --jacobus, '10.
Good flow but poor content. Nothing stood out. Just a text message prettied up and posted on a poetry board really. Keep trying kiddo.
I appreciate the constructive criticism, but not the tone. Please, I ain't no kiddo. Never texted before, either. Thanks though!
There doesn't necessarily have to be a central theme for a poem to be good. I agree that there was a lot of different stuff thrown in, and it's possible that you could just end it after the third stanza. But all in all, I like it. Great imagery, and awesome voice.
My bad b. I understand and respect that. But did you know what I meant in my crtique, if not I can redo it with a much cooler tone. Serious. let me know. peace bro.
Thanks, man! I really appreciate that, and coming from a great writer such as yourself, it means a lot. Yes, I do understand. This poem has a lot going on in it, because there was a lot going on at the time I wrote it. A kind of frazzled night at a friends house, and I singled myself out to sit down and write. I felt compelled to post it precisely because of the flow, and I can definitely see how the content lacks. I just don't think I said it all as eloquently as I wanted to. And again, thanks for the criticism, both of you. Thanks for taking the time to read, as well.
