I'm lonely and hate this town

I'll be honest, i'm not normally the type for relationships. Not because I think i'm to good for them or see no value it's just logically im at a time in my life where I want to explore and don't want anyone elses bias to keep me from doing that. I've been thinking how amazing it would be to have someone to explore with, someone who is as spontaneous and wild as me and basically jumps head first into situations just to see where the rabbit hole leads(like randomely hitchhiking or deciding to go somewhere with no preparations somehow finding out way back). I feel discouraged, and extremely immature because I feel like that person isn't out there. So right now I feel like i'm just being a 19 year old dwelling on the negativity and this is a sign of immaturity but I can't help it. I have this deep longing in my chest.

So I wrote this poem right? awhile ago kind of showing you what I mean:

I dream with eyes wide open
And sleep alive with memory
And although I haven’t met you yet
My eager heart beats readily

Day by day
the skyline paints
our devoid of distance

I don’t know your name just yet
but I know you wouldn’t miss this

The city streets
light incomplete
casting shadows on still lovers

I await the day
our bodies lay
under constellation covers

Awaken to the absolute
a truth touched by no other
The view above
dimmed by a love
worth waiting for forever

 

Hang in there. Think about people that get divorced at whatever age and have to start their lives over. Once you are older there is not anything in the world that will allow you to re-live the years of your youth. Enjoy these moments.

 

But apart from all that I hope to find
Where’s the heart that’s been looking for mine?

Love needs a heart and I need to find
If love needs a heart like mine

- Jackson Browne -

 

i moved from so cal because my people werent there. perfectly nice people, but they were ingrained in a style of living that i just hated. so i left. and i found me people. it took a few tries, a lotta hardship, but either i've changed or i found my vibe on a map somehow. so do what i did, save up some cash, sell what you don't need and wander a bit. loneliness isn't the same as being alone.

 

thank you, sound advice sister and
olderwaterbrother: I loved that thank you for sharing
phelps: I'll try my best

 

I hoped to be more inspirational than that but ok.

 

Yeah. I like to think up all the details of my perfect lover as well. Then I love the part when they never come along. Good stuff.

If they're out there that someone will come along. All we can do is make friends and build on what we have. Or really step out like mamaKcita said.

 

You're not talking about a weekend romp, but a lifelong struggle.

 

loneliness will follow you...

 

Enjoy life as is comes, you sound like a smart young woman, just being able to express these feelings. I have found that things you want rarely show up when your looking for them. So just enjoy yourself and you will find what you want along the way.

 

woo, i missed the point of yer post. Well, I cant help ya, but I hate where I live too. CLI IS THE SHIT. SOUTHEASTERN OHIO = HELL

 

Good advice! I second this.

 

I kind of like my town

 

you just sound like someone who hasn't had a serious relationship before. this is like deja vu. i think all teenagers do this at some point.
I remember back when my friends would complain about how they were never going to meet anyone special and that person just wasn't out there for them or they didn't think they were capable of love etc. and of course over the next years they all found people and some found more than one. once you get out there and start experiencing life more you'll meet lots of different people, and the person you are describing doesn't sound that rare so i wouldn't worry about it.

 

Yeah, they are called hormones, they run around you entire body, not just down below. Let them build up a bit more and you'll find him soon, he wont be Mr Right of course, they are just about all little boys that never grow up, but he'll be Mr Eh, He'll do.

You'll wait 3 dates, start messing around, fumble through the first 6 months, it wont be till he gets to a point where he starts getting bored with you that he'll eventually start lasting long enough to make your toes curl, by then you'll want to hang on. You'll call it love, start talking about marriage, committment, truth and honesty, when really you just dont want to have to redo that first 6 months again with another guy.

So you'll get married, get a year or two of really ace rooting in, get pregnant, have a kid and then find out you get psycho horny when pregnant, will end up breaking him, rest for a couple months after the birth, then try get back in the saddle, by which time he'd rather just sit on the couch watch footy, so you'll start fighting, wont take you long to realise the bigger the fight, the more animal the make up sex, so you'll fight more and more, act like the victim, gain attention and sympathy from your friends, go through a couple years of this drama, until you get bored, start trying different things to spice it up again, which will eventually lead to stuff like doing one of his friends and letting him watch. Then try it with another couple, another couple of couples etc etc

By which time your kids will be in thier teens, you'll still be putting on the act with them, not letting them get a hint of the naughty stuff you and hubby get up to

At that time it will hit you, you'll think back to when you were 19, your parents, or your aunts / uncles were probably up to similar stuff, put on the act for you. Drill you with horror stories of what happens to naughty girls when really They were more worried about you getting pregnant early and having to help raise the kid rather than what was actaully fun for you.

And then it will hit you most people are like that, or more specifically, that if they are, you will have no clue. But they will all go around calling it love, pretending sex isnt important, that everyone you pretty much ever knew has been lying their ass off to you the whole time.

Yes, you have a lot to look forward too

That might sound all a bit cynical, bitter, a tad random? Yes, but in the end, lifes a whole lot more fun with some drama added

 

go road tripping you are young if you do not enjoy your life where you are change it Find something somewhere you enjoy you can't have a happy relationship with someone else till you are happy with you go find your self first

 

Wow this is a brutally honest reflection on how you interpret marriage. I don't think it necessarily has to be this way at all.

 

beautiful advice.

 

I don't know who worked either you over or someone who you saw in that situation when impressionable but...:grouphug:

 

WF, if you are feeling lonely or isolated that it not going to change by geographical locations or being around others.

You are going to have to dig deep and find yourself. You will always feel lonely until you do.

I know you will find who you are and what you want and need. Be patient with yourself and good to yourself on that journey.