Coming out to my parents very soon... just told my brother...

Hey guys,

Normally I don't ever talk about such private huge things in my life in public, but I think I really need some help on this one... I'll try to keep it fairly short and detail-less. So, after a week of becoming closer to my brother, for whatever reason I had to tell him what I've been doing... I told him I was taking a small dose of an anti-testosterone medication, since I need to become a female on the outside. I've had thoughts of becoming a woman and hating the thought of becoming more of a man since I was very young, but it didn't really affect me severely until I hit puberty at like, 17. I'm 22 now, and I can't take the thought of becoming any more masculine than I've become. It's just flat out wrong. I've wanted to end it all, and really almost cut my own parts off several times. That's when I started to see a doctor for this.

I told my brother everything I just said here, and he wasn't very shocked, since he knew I'm very feminine and likes guys, but he was afraid of how this will affect me if I don't do something, and really wants to tell my parents. I do, too. So now it's on my mind constantly that they're going to find out, very soon. I'm going to Texas with my father for my work, and my brother will be with my mom during the duration of the week my father and I will be gone. My brother thinks it's a good idea he tells her while my dad and I are away so he can help explain it all to her. I don't think my mom will take it as bad as I think, but my father is the one I'm worried about most. I'm just really scared and don't know how any of this could possibly go well. But the fact is, very soon, they're going to know, and I need to start hormones soon.

I'm not sure what else to say. I just want it to go well, and for them to still love me. They won't accept me right from the start, but I'm willing to wait.

Any advice as to a better way to approach the situation, or how to help them or myself deal with this, would be greatly appreciated...

Thanks.

 

It's definetly not easy telling your parents something like this but only you know how to tell them gently. I'm sure it will be hard at first for them but they'll come around eventually. I personally wouldn't have my brother tell my mom and would take the time to tell them both it makes it much more personal. Maybe sit them down for a hot drink, coffee or tea and calmly tell them what's on your mind and what your plans are. Explain that you understand this won't be easy for them but you need to do this for yourself.

I hope this goes well for you! much love from canada

namaste

 

That will be a difficult thing to tell your parents, but hopefully they will realise that it doesn't change you being their child. In the end, you need to do what you know is right and if you explain this to them, they should begin to understand. I guess you know your parents better than anyone.

It's great that you are doing what makes you happy!

Good luck

 

Telling your parents will be a very difficult thing. I was pretty much ostracised from my whole family as an indirect result of feeling I am a different gender to the one I was brought up as. The best way to go into it, is feeling if your parents genuinely love you, they will accept you for what you are. Even though they might be confused and upset about it initially. Parents who disown their kids for this reason, never really loved them in the first place. The same with friends who abandon you once they learn the truth. They were never real friends if they do that. People who expect you to act a certain way at the expence of your own happiness, especially if the way you are is not hurting anyone, do not really care about you.

Good luck with it all, and I hope it goes well for you.

 

Thanks guys and girls... Well, tomorrow is the day... I expect I'll be getting a call from my mom tomorrow. I'm frightened like hell, but there's nothing I can do... I'll let you guys know how it goes.

 

I hope that everything went smoothly. If not don't be discouraged. It will take some time for them to get used to the idea, but if they love you they will want you to be comfortable and happy, and they will realize that this is part of that. Best of luck to you.

 

Do not ever hide yourself for anyone,including your parents. Looking back over 55 years of being afraid to let anyone know who I am, I see a life of lonely regret. After being molded into all of the dreams,for me, others had and failing to maintian the assigned role for any length of time I would always find myself walking alone again.Now because of one hidden fact, when I was 15 years old, no one understands who I am and thus I have no friends and my family all died years ago.For God sake people be yourself everyday of your lives and never let anyone influence you from your very right to happiness. We get one chance at life and if we let others decide the way we live this life, the only thing left is empty years remembering all of the lost chances to step up and grab ahold of our right to happiness. Your were created perfectly,feelings and all,don't ever agree to allow others an opportunity to smudge the perfect work of art that was presented to the world for our delight,remain true to yourself. you are a perfect gift.

 

Hope it all went ok

 

I can only agree wholeheartedly with this post. I have never lived a lie, and I am miserable now, but I know Id feel even worse had I done that. In fact, I probably wouldn't be sat here typing this now. Just the thought of having to live life pretending to be a man filled me with dread. Living a lie purely for the benefit of others is just going to lead to deep unhappiness and disgust at yourself.

The way I look at how my life has turned out is this. Its better to be a failure at life on your own terms, than to be a success on other peoples. If the only way you can have a ''life'' is to act as someone you're not, then you're better having no life at all. At least this way you can discuss how you feel. Living a lie means you have to keep all your true feelings bottled up, which is a recipe for disaster. You only get one life, don't waste it on living a life where you're fulfilling dreams of other people for your life, but none of your own. Good luck, I hope it's gone well for you.

 

Thanks everyone... I'm back home, and yesterday my mom and I had a long talk about it... it ended up in me crying like a baby and her hugging me telling me she still loves me... we were joking about how an obvious relationship I had with a guy went bad, and she asked if this meant she had to get me girl's clothing next Christmas. I'm so glad it went alright with my mom, which is the important parent to help understand. I knew my mother isn't the type to disown me for anything, but my dad is the stubborn traditional Italian, which worries me... we won't be telling him at least for another few weeks.

If anything, she was just upset I didn't tell her sooner. She doesn't know much about it and said things like, "If you were to take testosterone instead of estrogen, would that reverse it?" and I explained, without freaking her out, that would pretty much be enough to ruin my life. So I think she mostly gets it... but I can tell she's a little shocked by it. I'm going to stick by her and help her get used to it, and let her know I really haven't changed at all.

This will be an interesting year

 

That is really great that your mom reacted so well to it. It does hurt me a great deal that Ive had a lot of problems with my mother since declaring my true gender. I guess I expected her to be more supportive and understanding. Of which she has been neither.

Taking testosterone wouldn't reverse it. Seeing as it's the gender in brain structure which is the main reason behind most transpeople's conditions, that would do nothing at all. Except to masculinise your body still further, which would just increase the misery for the person. Taking hormones has no effect on gender in brain structure, only on the physical outer body.

I can understand your worries over your father's reaction, but you have at least one parents support at least, and that must be a great comfort to you. You are very lucky.

Hope everything else goes well for you as well.

 

My mom let the cat out of the bag last night... my parents went to dinner and my mom slipped up. My dad came home and told me he knows everything... he's not so upset about me liking guys, but the whole gender thing, he told me to knock that out, and that I'm his son... and he told me that over and over. Of course, I cried like crazy, and he told me he loves me, and afterward when I told my mom in private, in tears, I'd rather die than be a guy, she said to give it time... and he'll come around to accepting that eventually...

I'm very lucky to have a mom who understands, and a dad who isn't throwing me out of the house, though...

 

...........:grouphug:.........



Cheers Glen.

 

That sounds like a very typical reaction that a lot of fathers would have upon hearing the child they've regarded as a ''son'' since birth, actually identifies as female. At least he says he still loves you...I know some dads would instantly disown their child upon hearing that news. If worse comes to worse, and he just cant accept you as a daughter, at least your mom supports you. Which must be a huge comfort to you. Hopefully he will come round eventually, and see you as his daughter in time. Although I'm sure you were upset at your dad's reaction, you are lucky compared to some transpeople who disclose their true gender to family members.

At least he does know now, which I'm sure is a relief to you. All you can do, is live your life being true to yourself. If you have your parents' support in that, then that can make a huge positive difference. Good luck with everything, and I hope your dad will come round in time.

 

Thanks Invisible Soul... having at least my mom support me is a HUUUGE help. And even though I was upset with my dad's reaction, I kept thinking, "at least he's not kicking me out" and kept a positive face, though each time he called me "son", I cried harder. It's almost like he's saying it to remind himself I was born male, and make him feel better. But it could have gone worse. Much worse. I'm glad I'm able to sleep in my own bed tonight.

As far as becoming a woman goes, I'm still going to be self-medicating with spironolactone and finasteride... which I know is a stupid thing to do, but I'm desperate to finally become a girl... I have no other options, but to not do anything and become a man... which I can't live with.

 

May I ask why you do not want to be a man? Sort of not explained why, the thread lead insinuated that you were just trying to come out as gay, which you have. Not be shitty of course, just curious as to what else is going on here.

Congratulations though, it really is fantastic news when a parent has your back regarding a tough time like this one.

 

My reasons for not wanting to be a man wouldn't make sense to most people since they don't have to experience these feelings, but becoming a man just feels wrong. NOTHING about being a guy feels right, or makes me happy. When I think of being a woman, in my mind, that feels right, and definitely makes me happy. That's how I'm supposed to look. Feminine. Definitely NOT masculine in any sense. My mind does not fit my body. I didn't know what to do about it when I was younger, so I did nothing. I was afraid. I don't want to be different. Rather than accepting I was female inside, I just convinced myself I'm more feminine than a lot of guys. As I got older and my body started to change, that's when I realized something was definitely wrong. I was literally fearing any further progression as male to the point of tears. I liked remaining androgynous enough for people to confuse me for a girl. I wasn't growing breasts or a feminine figure at 17. I'd have preferred that. I was growing body hair and developing a squared-off jaw like Orlando Bloom most guys would kill for. I can't stand it. I really wanted my girlish face back. I also have rather large "boy parts" and to be honest, I don't like using them at all. I never did. Erections bother me more than anything, and I've wished there'd be an "accident" involving those parts for years... I know that sounds wrong, and maybe a little crazy... I could go on and on about this, but I don't want to overdo it, or think about it anymore than I have to. If you have any questions, I'd be more than happy to answer to better help you understand where I'm coming from.

 

For genuine females trapped in a male body, its not about not wanting to be a man. Its about feeling inside you are actually not a man at all. If you see yourself as female, then obviously your body developing in a masculine way, and being treated as a male by society is something that will cause deep distress, and unhappiness. I myself from a very early age, felt I was female inside. And it made me very confused and unhappy that people were treating me as a male. I never tried to live as a man, or fit into that mould that people tried to force me into. But some people, like the OP, think there is nothing they can do about it, so they try and force themselves into the male mould. But these people sooner or later discover that you cannot run from your true self, no matter how much you may want to.

Puberty is usually the time pinpointed as most distressing for transpeople to go through. It is a case of the longer you leave it, the worse things will be for you.

 

You pretty much summed it up. That first sentence is a l good way to say it. It's pretty important.

 

wow....this is amazing....honestly....i loved reading this!!