Being bisexual and male is the worst!

Hi, (some explicit info in this post)

Firstly, I should clarify that I don't yet class myself as bisexual. A little background (some ages are aprox., coz I can't remember):

up to age 14: I was attracted to girls. My friends got the girls without trying. I felt ugly.

14-18 ish: I noticed attraction to males; it caused depression, anxiety, "OCD" rumination, suicidal. Attraction to girls declined. I felt I was gay.

18-23 ish: Noticed attraction to girls slowly returning. I decided not to date girls incase I "realized" I was gay and had to break up. I wondered if I was in denial. I watched hetero porn and noticed girls got more pleasure, did the least "work", more orgasms, causing jealousy and OCD/rumination of female sexuality; I wondered if I was bi or gay, denial, trans, (H)OCD.

23 ish: I came out as gay (I'd rather revert back to "bi" later, if need be) to mum and bi to friends. I didn't know what I was. I wanted to come out to prove that my upset @ my sexuality confusion wasn't based on society.

25: I Met a girl. Hot. Sexy, Wondered if I should be dating a girl, loved her. Connection. But issues with her baby: She wanted me, in time, to pay for her baby, and tried to force a relationship, and I couldn't deal with it, so we split up.

27: Now, I wonder if I am bisexual. But that would be terrible: Why? It would be hard for me to date girls if I were.

Bi males are hated by some: hetero males, hetero females, gay males. Whereas bi women are loved by everyone. Being a bi woman won't kill your relationship with a hetero man. I would love to tell a girl that I might be bi, but it will kill it.

Bi women are seen as liberal and even trendy. Bi men are seen as on the road to homosexuality, promiscuous, disease spreaders, in denial.

Would the bisexual women here date bi males? I hope so. I'm tempted to find a bi gf.

Bis are a minority in the LGBT minority. Bi men are a minority in a minority in a minority!

(Explicit info below)

I have read into prostate stimulation from a site called Aneros. It is for hetero/bi/gay males and is the male G spot. I couldn't really bring that up with a hetero gf? Many would def class me as gay.

Sorry for venting my life. I am just confused and dunno what to do.

Would you say that being bi and male is the worst you could be in terms of relationships? You can't tell hetero girls, you aren't believable, etc.

 

first, my advice is.. let it all go. be free. love who you love and just be happy being YOU, whatever that means. don't worry about labeling it. just be you.

i am bi, and yes i would date a bi male. i know other bi females who would, too.

most of my hetero girl friends that i talk with about sex are either open minded to doing it with men or have already done it. try not to assume too much about the other sex.

 

It is true, but I think you're getting too hung up on it. I'm sorry, I have no idea how to help you out because I wonder this myself.

 

i've never ever witnessed hate towards bi males. i think you have that way wrong.
they are definitely not the minority of the minority of the minority. thats more like shemales. and i do mean shemales, not transsexuals. and i does have to do where you're living, in which i cant where youre from. in my high school, i knew just as much bi people than gay people.
and you say its more ok for girls to be bi? i think thats because sexuality is a more open thought involving the female image. and its gotten a boost from all the straight guys drooling over lesbians.
you'd be given a lot more slack for being bi than gay. a lot of the gays do think a lot of bi people are just people in the closet still, but by sticking to your guns theres nothing they can be right about. those gays that do that though are so retarded. they just do that for gossip shit.
as for straight people giving you grief, once again, stick to your guns and theres nothing you can be wrong about. if they need explanation, then do your best.

 

Young sir.. while your reply is good natured & well intended, there are a few things which you bring to the forefront of today's society...

you can't type for shit, your grammar is appalling, don't get me started on spelling, & you are glossing over the reality of being a bisexual male... here are the facts:

* bisexual females are "accepted" or sought after becuase its "trendy" "hip" or almost now "required" to be so.. it is actually HARDER to be a straight gurl right now than to be a bisexual male... how fucked is that?!

* the fundamental issue with MALE bisexuality is that We (yes me & others) bring a wrongly perceived risk into the hetro/bi-curious world. So, if I understand it right I am stupid because I like cock, therefore, er-go I bring unnecessary risk to the general population? Not Stella on spring break in Mexico taking on 15 guys bare back or the wife in the 15th street bar in Manhattan who wanted to blow me to get back @ her cheating husband.. the stereotype is the ghost you are fighting.

* FACT most men who are engaged in bisexual activities are married, DDF, & simply looking for a connection on some level...

quit rolling around in self hate when you are just an average guy who likes both cock & ****.... not so hard

 

I think the OP is correct. Being bi if you're female carries far less of a social stigma than if you're a bi male. The main proof of this, is the phenomena of straight women 'getting it on' with other girls for no other reason than to satisfy a male fantasy. Why does this never, or hardly ever happen the other way around? Generally speaking, I do think that women have a lot more freedom in that respect than males. And I have heard a few idiotic people (all guys, funnily enough) saying they don't mind, or even love gay women, but hate gay men.

Women are definitely a lot less inhibited than men when it comes to showing affection for your own sex. And I think society in general's attitude is one of the main reasons for this.

 

Yeah lesbians are awesome.

 

what words did i spell wrong? besides writing "i" instead of "it". grammar-wise, nothing is wrong besides punctuation especially the periods. and besides "i does have to do where youre living". so im not sure why you're getting so fired up towards me, especially cuz what i said was to support the op. im pretty positive i didnt say anything offensive.
you think it's harder for a female to be accepted as straight, rather than a male being accepted as bi? thats a joke right? ....

"the fundamental issue with MALE bisexuality is that We (yes me & others) bring a wrongly perceived risk into the hetro/bi-curious world. So, if I understand it right I am stupid because I like cock, therefore, er-go I bring unnecessary risk to the general population?... ...the stereotype is the ghost you are fighting"
i think you misread my post or something. I'm gay myself, i hate when other gays call bi people out cuz its pretty contradictory, if anything gays are getting more bullshit about unnecessary risk than the bi's, and i have no idea what this ghost is you're talking about.

"* FACT most men who are engaged in bisexual activities are married, DDF, & simply looking for a connection on some level..."
yes definitely. well that and porn. lol

 

it's hard being a bi female for different reasons than it is being a bi male.

 

I just wanted to say, I know of a few bi women who would date (and have dated) bi men, even some that didn't identify as bi at the time.

Also, why would you want to be in a relationship with a woman, or man for that matter, if you can't tell them that you are bi without fear of it killing the relationship?

I am a bi woman, and a person's sexuality would not affect my feelings toward them one way or another. For me personally, I feel that it would be hypocritical of me to allow the fact that someone is bisexual kill any relationship I am in, whether it is with a woman or a man. I wouldn't want my partner to judge me because I love men AND women, so I don't feel that it is fair for me to judge my partner(s).

Just my two-cents.

(I apologize for bad grammar and spelling.)

 

as a general rule in the current social climate, bisexual men are not generally welcome in either "camp".. hetro or gay. The perception is that bi-men are simply ignoring their true gay-ness. While the internet & media applauds & perpetuates the whole "free love/experimentation" of women as sexy & acceptable.

its a double standard just like all the other relationship double standards we all embrace & accept in the US.. If she & a girlfriend attack a stripper @ a "male revue" the it was a drunken girl's nite out... if a guy goes to a titty-bar he is cheating...

the dominoes will fall as they may.. on the flip side many gay/lesbians view bisexuals with disdain over the perceived "inability to make a choice"...

tis what it tis...

 

I'd also add to Invisible Soul's comment, that for some reason, I don't know why (i think it's instinctive and evolutionary maybe), many women seem to be much less "put off" by closeness with the same sex. Whereas straight men are genuinely repulsed by touching the same sex.


My point is....

Men like girlfriends being bisexual because it is extremely erotic for them. It's not a fantasy generally for women to want to see men together. I've almost never ever heard any women even discuss it on any level, such is their disinterest. (we are talking general population!!).

So, women have no reason to accept bisexuality from men, they have nothing to gain by accepting it, apart from the risk of losing their lover to another man, diseases, unfaithfulness, etc etc. Why have bisexual man when you can select a straight male?

So, when it comes to dating, bisexual men are f**d (not literally!). They have to either lie or face the reality that very few women are going to tolerate it, and to make matters worse, there is absolutely nothing they can do about it and didn't choose it in the first place.

I'm with the OP, it'a a real barrel of laughs



(A side issue i think worth mentioning cos ppl seem to be politically correctly avoiding this , that women and men's sexuality is not the same and it's not equal and opposite. In a million ways men and women differ, they are not balanced opposites!! For instance things that attract women in dating, are not important to men and vice versa)

 

I 2 have 2 agree with the op and others who say that bi males have crap deal in society. There are double standards and stigmas and just a lot of silliness about the whole thing that a male bi is likely to get pretty sick of.

It would be nice if we could just be who we are and let people who don't accept us go jump in the lake, but it often seems like that's about 90% of the population.

I have known a couple women who were exited by the idea of me and another man, but I wish it wasn't so hard to find female dates while being open about being bi.

 

I actually think you're way off the mark there. There is no social stigma attatched to females showing closeness and affection for their own sex. For straight females to show affection to their own sex, that is just seen as normal and natural. If straight males were to show affection for their own sex, their sexuality would immediately be brought into question. And for a lot of straight men, just being thought of as being gay is something he'd want to avoid at all costs. From a very young age, if women want to express their masculine sides, (tomboys for example) there is no problem with that. And it's seen as perfectly acceptable by most families and society in general. A young boy expressing femininity however, is generally deemed unacceptable, and would be stamped down on very quickly. By general society, and probably families as well. In a lot of ways, females have a lot more freedom just to be themselves. (at least in western societies) Males are expected to much more rigidly conform to a stereotype of their sex than women are.

You say men are ''put off'' by closeness to their own sex. But is that something that is inborn, or something that has more to do with males not being allowed to show any feminine traits at all from a young age? My guess is it's probably more the latter than the former.

Well, I have very minimal contact with society, but I have heard more than one woman say the idea of two men being together is a turn on. As a woman myself, I can't say the idea turns me on. I do think it's kinda cute though, and would certainly rather see two men being together than two women! lol As for your latter point, I think that is purely because men are far more likely to see promiscuity as acceptable, than a woman. For some men, a woman seeing other women as long as he knew about it, would not be cheating. It would only be if it was with a man. Whereas almost all women would see man sleeping with another man as cheating. Women are just far more naturally inclined towards the idea of fidelity than men.

I definitely would say that being bi would be worse if you were a guy. If you're a bi woman, straight women arent going to bothered, and most straight guys would love it. If you're a bi guy, however, a lot of straight guys will give you hassle for it, and for straight women, its not that much of a big deal, although some would see it as a turn on. However, I'd say that being brought up as the wrong gender is far harder to live with than being a bi male. I really would not wish that on anyone.

 

ok.. I not only take personal offense to this statement, I am pissed.

1.) there are many more unfaithful straight men & women & bisexual women in the world then bi/bi-curious men!

2.) Fashion/vogue "lipstick lesbians" or bi-curious women out number bi-men what? 5-10 to 1? at least on the surface..

3.) Diseases? how far in the 1950's are you? More STD's are transmitted between unfaithful hetro FEMALE cheaters than males. Search the CDC... the fact don't lie... Don't luxuriate in the myth that men are the cheaters. Women cheat, on an average 3-5% more than men & are 20% more likely to have MULTIPLE partners once they cheat.

4.) its the perception of man-man sex that freaks most people out... plenty of women have anal, vaginal, & oral sex un protected every day...

If I die tomorrow... all I hope is I have, on some level, helped 1 man accept the fact that society doesn't accept men loving men & that media, hype, & political opinion has nothing to do with desire.

The myths, the Bull Shit, & lies need to stop. Stop perpetuating myths that you know nothing about.

Knowledge is power.

Rob

 

I think its really hard being a closet bi that is for sure. I lead a straight lifestyle at work and in my personal life. I'm probably 80% straight and 20% gay if one wants to put a percentage on it. This means I can't sacrifice my general life living as a totally straight guy because revealling my true self would mean socially I would be judged and seen as probably more gay that hetro. Not sure why but that is my perception. I feel more emotionally attached to women and certainly love the sex, but at the same time I appreciate a man's sexuality and enjoy sharing that. I never feel guilty, it feels totally natural to me, but because socially revealling this means you are judged against the social "norm" so to speak, then I've chosen to keep the gay side to me to myself. I don't have an issue with this, but goodness me, sometimes I wish I lived in ancient greek times....lol !!!!!

 

I think all people are bisexual on the inside.
Straight men usually feel irritated about gay and bi men.
The reson for this is,that they are bisexual themselves,in the inside.
They are afraid of "turning gay".
But what is there to be afraid of since they are suposed to be straight?
Well,they are not straight.
Nobody is.
We are all bisexual.
I used to be 100% straight.
But then I saw some of those hot videogame gay idols,like Tidus from Final Fantasy X,and Chaos from the Xenosaga series.
And first I thought they were irritating.
But then I thought that they were quite "hot".And then I turned bisexual.
Most male players think that those characters are irritating,just ask them.
The reason for that irritation is our hidden bi-sexuality.
So,my advice for all straight people out there is:
Turn bi.
You'll be free.
And happy.

 

Why 'come out' as anything? In fact just tell people you love sex. They want more info, tell them you'll take it wherever you can get it, with no bias.. You may be more fortunate than the rest of us 'defined into a corner' types. Is "sex is sex" possible? Tell us!

 

Sex is sex is possible.
The bisexual way IS the natural way.
As I said,we are all bisexual.
You all know that this is true.
Just accept the fact:You are all pink inside.

 

Any girl who is put off by my sexuality is a girl who is too insensitive, too unintelligent, or too bigoted to be someone I'd want to be intimate with anyway. The same goes for any guy. Being a bisexual male gives me an inborn litmus test to determine if prospective partners are worth the investment of time and energy that even a very casual relationship entails. In this way, it's a bit of a blessing.

Being a neglected minority within the larger LGBT minority is not so fun. I have experienced firsthand anti-gay slurs and violence (it was mild, don't worry), but I am often challenged as bi-curious (a term I hate) or half in the closet or some other nonsense. The worst of both worlds is, of course, less than fun.

But, still, I wouldn't change a single thing about my sexuality, and I hope that I can encourage other bi guys to be proud of what they represent: strong men who aren't afraid of loving other men but who can still appreciate the satisfying love and touch of the opposite sex. We're the luckiest people on Earth.