Wind blowing threw the streets of a cold winters day The lonely boy cries out But no one feels his pain Sinking deeper into the hole Doesn't know if he can find his way out of this one Lost and cry No one hears or cares As time stops He sits and stares looking down that cold Windy street Thinking someone will come for him But he sits alone and cries Letting no one see
Now, anyone who knows me here will tell you that I loathe to do this usually, but as with every rule, personal or universal, there is an exception. And you, for me, must be just this, because I felt utterly compelled to give you this, gift, an edit, which I hope you will not take as an insult, because there is a depth here, maybe even you don't see. I am warmed by your empathy, to put it in other words, and I am more than happy to share with you this great key to good poetry, punctuation, as well as the changing of a couple of words here and there. Take a look, compare, and tell me what you think. eMBeMLaHV! (Many Blessings, Much Love, Healing Vibrations!) P.S. I don't know if your misspelling of "through" in the first line was intentional or not, but I suggest you keep it. Wind blows threw the streets of a cold winter's day. The lonely boy cries out, But no one feels his pain. Sinking deeper into the hole, He doesn't know if he can find his way out of this One, Lost and weeping. No one hears, or cares. As time stops, He sits and stares, looking down that cold, Windy street, Thinking, "Someone will come for me", But he sits, alone, and weeps, Letting no one see.
Thanks for the comments guys. I like how you edited my poem Osiris it sounds a lot better now, it makes it feel like there is more meaning, thanks for helping me.
