Catching Snow Flakes on the Tongue (love poem)

A few punctuation issues, but otherwise great. I love the imagery in this one: very bleak.

 

couldnt make up my mind on the punctuation...

 

Yeah; in poetry I guess the punctuation is really a matter of preference. I'm not sure if that hanging comma at the end of the second stanza is supposed to be there, or if that's actually all one stanza with a line break inserted by accident.

 

that's definitely an accident...thanks for pointing that out...old people have problems with details sometimes

 

No problem

 

A frozen heart, swallowed whole and finally melted, creating a new beginning. Powerful and unexpected images.

This also made me think of eternal cycles ... the human body is mostly water, life on earth is mostly water. The "river of another kingdom" must begin with water.

 

Yeah, I am probably ripping off Heraclitus and Thales and god knows how many presocratic greeks, but at least they dont have anyone representing their estates...

so by what you said, you don't find it too over the top or melodramatic?

As the drawbridge of us 50-somethings slowly lowers, we tend to boil, with our frustrated aspirations, the little bay of water we have left!

 

Your imagery is so addicting! "aerosol bird" "murdered into water" dang that's good shit!

 

If it was, it would be the third stanza. I guess I didn't really get it. But it's probably just me.

I really liked the imagery of the water cycle. Water is an incredibly powerful image. I compared this poem to mine about the San Juan River. We took different directions on the subject, but the theme of the cycle of water in human affairs, or the affairs of the planet, is in both of them.

 

I dont find it over the top, you bring it down to the earth, the way snow falls...plummeting to the earth with intent.

 

Thanks k.g.