I like this, but I'm not exactly objective. When I was a kid rock climbing in the Appalachians I dreamed of snowy peaks and read many an account by climbers (Four Against Everest remains my favorite) of higher elevations. So you may well have made an unclear reference to climbing-- but I'll never know. Structurally: "As the afternoon wore on" at the end of the last paragraph in I. sounds like the start of a new paragraph and should be one to further denote the passage of time. In II., the first paragraph is a little weakened with "we". I'm already engaged as part of your climbing party--"we" includes me, so include me more, i.e., "The hours rolled by and we moved up. The minor ridge [before us] steepened a little more. " A minor point-- but a simple device to help include the reader in the experience being described. And that is, after all, the point of writing. "Never forget that your primary objective is to return safely the same day." -- Hans Schwartz, Association of Canadian Mountain Guide I would suggest this quote as a title card to set the theme and open the story with a little extra tension. The use of 1), 2), 3) dissapates tension. Lose the numbers and make a sentence. "Fatalities usually result from several errors compounding one another in just this way." This is almost an excellent close. It should be slightly re-worked and used as the last sentence.
