20 Types of Dealers

I found this on another site but I have copied it here for fun.


We all have to deal with them whether we like it or not. There are thousands of drug dealers who profit everyday of the fact that drugs like marijuana are illegal. In order to get marijuana, even for medical purposes, you have to deal with these (sometimes) shady characters. As long as the Governments of the world continue to be stupid and keep weed illegal, we will always have to deal with these guys.

Here are 20 different types of dealers that I or people I know have come across. Now you will know what you are dealing with when getting your weed.

Shady - This is the guy that tells you in order to get it you have to meet him two blocks down, around the corner, through an alleyway, and on the fire escape, just to get a dime.

The Aggressor - The hustlers are the ones that advertise way too much. They will run up to you if they see you on the street just to tell you about the newest, strongest strain they have. All of these strains usually have crazy names like Acapulco Platinum Haze or something wild like that.

Money is Money - The guy that will give you a dime for $8.75. He sees money as money so will hook you up with deals every now and then. We like this guy.

Paranoido - The guy that is scared of everything. He doesn't want you to call or text anything. He wants you to park you car 3 blocks away. He wants you to come by yourself and will never tell you what his real name is.

The Part Time Hustler - This is the guy that you can only catch at certain times in the day. You know if you call him between the hours of 12pm-6pm he will be available but if you try to get him any other time, he just won't pick up the phone at all.

Mr. Flakiness - I hate this guy. He's the one that will tell you he's not available and he'll call you back in 20 minutes. 20 minutes never comes though. He will have you waiting all day and then when you finally get tired of waiting and decide to call him, he's not picking up. Then he calls the next day with it. You still get it but you are pissed that you couldn't get it when you originally wanted.

Gift Giver - This is the guy that makes you smoke up in order to get the weed. Sometimes that's cool because you get some weed and he smokes you up, but sometimes you just want to grab some and go because you have things like work or something to go to. Although it's usually pretty good.

Buddy Buddy - The ones that want to become your friend. I have enough friends. I just want to make my purchase and go.

The Sleezball - The one that will exchange weed for sexual favors and isn't ashamed about it.

The Infomercial - The hustlers that falsely advertise to you. They tell you their stuff is the best stuff you will ever smoke and it turns out to be schwag with air freshener sprayed on it.

Mr. Reliable - This is our favorite guy. You can always rely on him to have good bags, good prices, and he is consistent. This is a guy you want to know. You can move away and move back and he will still be there.

The Delivery Boy - This is the guy that will delivery your weed to your door. He has the car and the time to do it and doesn't realize that he saves money if he makes you come to him. Often times, these guys have jobs as delivery guys for other places. It is always great when you find a guy that delivers Pizza and weed.

Mr. No Shorts - The guy that never cuts you a deal ever, you either have the normal price or you aren't walking away with anything.

The Backwards Hustler - The guy who only hustles to support their own habit. He is only getting an O every time he re-ups. He is smoking half, hustling half, and doing it over and over again. For years. Never progressing.

The Social Hustler - He is not a regular hustler. Hes not normally the weed man but he will have every so often. If he is at a party, you can bet that he bought an extra 1/8 to hustle off some. Other than that, don't expect to get anything from this guy on a regular basis.

One and Done - These are the guys that you see one time and one time only. They usually have a great deal, you get their number and everything but for one reason or another, you never see them again in life.

Well Known Hustlers - These are the guys you go to just for their reputation. They may not have the best stuff but they just have high status or they know a celebrity or something.

Phone Hustler - This is the guy who you never really know where he is because he is always someplace new but if you call him, he will get up and meet you somewhere with a few bags.

Stationary Hustler - This is the guy that is always posted up on the corner or in front of the bodega. You can't call him but you can pretty much bet that most times in the day he will be out at his spot.

Mr. Middleman - The "I gotta holla at my man" hustlers. The one that never have anything of their own but always know someone that has it.

 

Hahaha! Those stereotypes are so true! Luckily, the dealer which I buy from often is a Mr. Reliable.

 

I've had to deal with a "Paranoido". This guy had the dankest weed ever, but he was such a pain the ass to deal with. If I wanted to grab from him I had to say something like "yo man you want to meet up?" Which was cool, but when I'd ask for directions he'd give me something super vague like "near the universities" which is a huge area. I once said "I heard you had great white shark" to him on the phone and he lost his shit when we met up. He would not talk weed on his cell phone, only on a landline, and texts involving slang were out of the question.

 

sounds like you were dealing with a grower vape..

 

Nah he worked with a grower though...still no reason for all the sketchiness. The growers house got raided by the cops, but that very morning they found out that all of the plants in that grow were male. There were like 6 people at the house at the time of the raid and none of them were charged but the homeowner and all he got were some fines and probation. I think the real reason he was so paranoid was because he used to hang out with a bunch of coke dealers and sold a little bit of the whites himself to make some extra cash.

 

ah that'd make sense.

Shit, I heard Canada's laws are terrible now; 1 plant = 6 months minimum.

guess that was false information though.

 

mr. reliable is the best way too go
but as a rule of thumb, i like to know my sources, since i only like to buy from people with reasonably decent morals about moving things
i guess you can call me mr. friendly

 

Haha, I've had a ton of these. Mr flakyness pissess me off the most though. Plus, everytime I call him he's stoned off his ass and quietly mumbles things that I can barley understand

 

I've been getting more "Middle-mans" than anything else lately. They always say they know a guy who kows a guy etc.

Then you finally meet this "Guy" and it turns out he was just a "One-off" guy and has alrealdy sold his shit...
Infuriating!

 

i quit smokin bud cuz most these types of people, i dont even wanna fuck with em.

 

Here's one I'd like to add, Mr. EyeBaller. This is the guy that doesn't seem to know what a scale is so he "eye balls" your bag and meets you somewhere in his car to do a quick "drop and go". After the deal is done, you get home, weigh your bag, and find out that it's short a gram or more.

 

^ lol thats a good one

 

oh god damn, i hate that... im kinda paranoid, so when someone says they wanna eyeball a sack, i guess it means, they wanna bullshit like they never had a scale or heard of it, and just want to short me, without me knowing it, but of course i do...

but maybe im just paranoid.... lol.

 

I was the backwards hustler. I dealt for a few months so I could smoke daily. I didn't even break even. Now I lose even more money because I don't deal anymore.

 

I used to go through that every time.

 

my mr.EyeBaller was a good friend of mine, so my bags were always heavy

see it pays to be mr.Friendly

 

Then grow you own!

 

def sounds like someone who has reason for you to not say heat on is tele mate.

you know what its like to see printed evidence in a court room. It sucks.

it would be like this chat room logged out as you tried to avoid a jail cell.

lets meet up. Sure. friends meet up. lets do it.

stayin alive stayin alive

 

the best dealer , planet earth

 

hahahah thats so funny nice comparisons, as a weed dealer myself for about 2 and a half years, i consider myself a few combinations of your dead-one stereotypes..

The backwards hustler
Mr. Reliable
The agressor

80% of the tme im the "stationary hustler as well.