Hello my fine alternative friends! This fall I've started a relationship with a lovely married poly woman. I also moved into her other secondary partner's home as a tenant. So, she has 3 of us, including her wonderful husband who she lives with just 1.5 miles down the road. Our situation is dreamy. She said with a smile, "it is almost too good to be true". Her and I have been dating since late September. We didn't have sex till 2 weeks ago. I couldn't get it up because I was nervous about being good enough for her, and I wasn't in the right frame of mind beforehand. My penis eventually got hard after 2 failed attempts, and then I came before she could have an orgasm. That was our first time together. I tried to reason and figure out what happened to me, and we discussed it openly. I emailed her about it again 2 days later. She replied to me in person, concerning that email. Then, Friday night we showered and I went down on her. I did get 80% erect during our kissing in the bathroom. She had to leave to go to dinner with her husband and friends from out of town, so we didn't have sex. Finally, Saturday during the day we had sex. I didn't get it up quickly, but after I took the lead and began to be more playful, I was able to get an erection, and we had sex. I came before she did. I thought that we were going to cum simultaniously, but she said, "just a little more, and I would be able to cum" as I slowed my humping and my cock softened. Last night was our final visit before she left town for xmas. We visited for an hour, and 10 minutes into the visit I admitted that I was stressed out and worried that I would mess up. I told her that I liked being in our arrangement and dating her so much. Basically, I admitted to being insecure and worried. We ended on a decent note, but I felt like our visiting was almost a formality for her before she left town, and on top of that, I was not fun and flirtatous. I was worried. Now I'm really worried. I should be enriching her life and bringing her fun times. Now, I have a little track record of being insecure and worried. Can I turn this around and make our relationship fun and secure again, like it was before I goofed up in bed?
First, you didn't goof up. Our cocks are not really under our control, and in my experience, women are very understanding about that. My advice is that next time you make love, just focus on giving her pleasure. If it includes your cock, great. If not, that's OK too, you can still have a great time. Eventually you'll relax enough and it won't be a problem.
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but something is wrong. If you have no problems masturbating, it is probably not physical. Poly relationships can be difficult, even for people who have been at it awhile. Perhaps you are not emotionally ready for this type of relationship or maybe you are overwhelmed by a hyper sexual woman. Regardless, I suggest you take a step back and try to come to terms with whatever is bothering you.
Hey, I think u're in good position. You just really need to stop working so hard to make things "right", and just concentrate on being a really fun, easy-going person. That's what keeps you attractive and secure. A non-pressured environment is all you need and things are gonna be great.
Thanks for the advice guys. Asswatcher, yes, I do need to stop trying to make things "right". I've been able to get ahold of my emotions in the last couple of days. I do feel better. I also feel more confident. We have exchanged emails, and everything seems to be fine. steamwater, you are right. I should have become focused on pleasuring her, instead of getting stuck on myself, and paying attention to my lack of arousal. That's how I did get it up during our second try. I became a little aggressive and playful, and my cock got hard. I'm developing fantasies of what I would like to do to her in the coming months, and that is helping me. I hope that it will help me when we are together again.
