COLLEGE VS. SOULMATE. {plz, help..}

how could he even have to *THINK* about that decision???

let me explain..

I've been with my boyfriend for 15 months... he's a senior in high school, and I graduated last year. We have an open relationship, and its been that way for the last three months.
I've hooked up with two or three guys since then... he hasn't been with any girls. Sometimes he says its because he only wants me. When we're fighting, he says its because I'd "get mad at him."
I'm really insecure... I'll admit, I constantly feel inferior to other girls, and would feel hurt. I realize this isn't fair. That's not the issue. Just wanted to provide some background info. Moving on...

Its always been my dream to move far away from home. I was going to move to the other side of the country in the fall. I stayed here for him.
Now, he had told me he'd be going to college within half an hour from home, commuting everyday. I took a year off, and planned on going to community college next year. To stay with him.

He just told me a month ago that he also got into another school he apparently applied to that's about 3 hours away. He told me he wasn't even thinking about going there though.

NOW... I just found out that he didn't apply to the school nearby. He didn't apply to *any* other schools. He's going to the one three hours away.

I realize it isn't *that* far... but like I said, I'm VERY insecure. If I don't know every girl he's talking to, I will freak the fuck out. I need to see him EVERY DAMN DAY.
He insists that he'll see me every other day... but I know that's a lie. I mean, cmon.
If we don't have an open relationship still, I'm sure he'll cheat on me. He's only kissed one other girl when we were together (after I had sex with two guys and kissed a lot of others) but he'll be in COLLEGE with tons of hotter chicks. He'll find somebody so much hotter, so much better in bed... I know he will.

I can't take this... we're fighting more & more...
I break up with him literally everyday because I just don't see the point in staying with him if he's just leaving!

Its so pointless.. who's going to take me out? Drive me around? Hug me WHEN I NEED A DAMN HUG!!! Let me stay at their house? Cuddle with me at night?

Somebody please tell me I'm not being totally irrational for telling him I'll break up with him if he goes away...
I can't stop crying...
I don't know what to do...

 

it can work. Probably should stop hooking up with other guys. Same with him. I know from expierence about long range, it is what you make it. Honestly, I never had any trouble. But my communication teacher said you should have plans of being together no more than a year from when you leave. I.E., going to the same school. What do you have planned for the future?

 

I think you guys should say goodbye.


Maybe if you were meant to be together this relationship wouldn't be causing so much pain, just my .02

 

I can stop hooking up with all but one other guy. *sigh* I'll pretty much always be there for him if he wants to hook up. But that's a whole other story...

After I go to community college for two years, I'm going away to college. Doesn't really matter where. I would've liked to move to Washington, or NYC... but I suppose I could go to his college too.
As far as FUTURE.... we're getting married & having kids & growing old together. I wanna spend forever with him. I guess I just can't spend *right now* with him....
I would break up with him, and maybe years later reconcile. I could see that happening.
But it'd kill me inside to see him not just fucking, but dating... LOVING other girls.
So I need to keep him here to myself. I guess.

 

Doesn't sound like he is your soulmate. Probably not what you want to hear. Sounds like you need to grow up and stop being so jealous before you can have a real relationship. I feel bad for the kid, he's holding strong and you are being a hypocrite.

 

I agree. You sound like you have some emotional issues to work through.

 

Oh... Not that position! One of you will be hurt, sooner or later.
Goodbyes are forever.

 

Sound like its over, move on with your life. If your both hooking up with other people then its time to move on. Soulmates dont fuck other people behind their backs.

 

I agree with YouFreeMe and Zorba... I don't see it working between you two. He lied to you about where he was going to school, and you have emotional issues that you need to get over before you can have a mature relationship.

If you find yourself breaking up with him everyday, maybe you should stick to your decision. Come on, grow up and approach this more maturely.

 

Wow. I would love to tell you you're not being irrational here, but clearly the only issue here is your insecurity. He hasn't been unfaithful and it sounds like he's never done anything to make you distrust him except that he did not apply at the nearby school. The problem here doesn't sound like it's with the relationship, the only problem I see is with your own lack of confidence creating trust problems.

Honey, this is not a healthy relationship if you can't even trust him to *go to college*. College affects the rest of your life and I'd say that's more important than a lot of things, and in really mature, healthy relationships each person only wants the best for the other person. If he's going to a school farther away it's because it's a better school, and don't you want him to have the best education he can? So he can do something he loves or at least have the opportunity to make a comfortable living and have options in life?

I know you're not trying to be selfish, and you adore him and want to be around him and not have to worry about losing him, but sometimes you have to put the other person first- THAT'S love. He sounds like he cares for you and if he's worth keeping around, he would not allow himself to get into an emotional relationship with someone else. College is NOT the crazy drunk-all-the-time-hot-girls-everywhere-you-look place they make it out to be in the movies, you have to realize that and not make it out to be worse than it is!

The best thing you can do is support his decisions and be behind him every step, that's what he (and everyone) needs from you in order to really be happy with you!

 

And sometimes the most loving thing you can do for your partner and for yourself is to end it.

 

Not that I'm saying you should, just saying that sometimes that's the most loving thing to do.

 

you put your life on hold for him, why not go for your dreams instead... let him go on his own path and do your thing, girl. this is a big moment in your life that will open many doors if you embrace the journey. eace:

 

I'm sorry to say this when you're stressed out about your situation... But truthfully I agree with YouFreeMe on this one. If both of you were happy with each other in such a relationship, then that's fine. But in YOUR case, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. I don't even think you guys are ready for an "open" relationship like that in the first place.

That's pretty much the sugarcoated version of what I think. All the best!

 

Thanks for all your advice, guys.
We actually had a long talk the other day... he told me that he's staying here and going to community college for a few years, and then him and I are going to move away to the college he wants.
As for the open relationship... I don't think THAT'S going to last. >.<
But... idk, that whole thing is complicated.

 

He realized this recently.

He's going away, as he told me a month ago. But he thinks I need to figure myself out, grow up, be nicer, etc. before we can be together.

But we're hanging out, talking, and acting coupley since he broke up with me recently. He says we'll get back together.

I wish I could go back to when I was overreacting on here about this stupid college thing... I wish I could change the way I reacted to everything.

 

Sounds like you where being very self centered and he just wanted out.

no offence.

 

Jeezus LOL

 

based on the OP, you're not ready to be in a relationship with anybody.