This dude really confuses me. Any ideas?

So I have a guy friend I've been talking to for a couple of years. We have never gone past a nice make out session. I like him a lot. I could be myself and someone else if I want to...fantasy wise I mean. There's just something wrong. Something that keeps holding me back. He used to be really bad into coccaine and he keeps his past a secret. He opens up sometimes but then he closes right back up. I can't read him at all and I want to know before I get too deep. What should I do?

 

paranoid? really hostile? and obviously afraid to open up...

you need to let him know that you understand people make mistakes in the past, and that you're not going to completely turn him off for that... i dont know you but im assuming, you want a relationship with this guy, and i think that is the fear he's holding, someone won't accept him for the mistakes in his past...

let em know, its okay... and you're accepting and not gonna judge him.

but honestly, coke problems, not sayin anyone who tries it is automatically fucked, but PROBLEM you said yeah they do got paranoid problems, and are usually very hostile, whether or not hes still doin it, that' what ive seen I had a friend exact same way... its fucked... and he may not change, but if he starts slippin id say leave... its not gonna end well.

 

Yeah i def will leave it it comes to that. Right now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed.

 

maybe you can keep it open, and try to be positive even when he is down, stay as a friend..... it helps a lot

 

I've never experienced a drug related problem so I can't say much, but I DO know it's sometimes VERY hard to open up to people. I myself keep certain things about me hidden from most people. I've told a few people whom I considered at that time as best friends, and all of them, save for ONE(I'm not a christian but god bless that girl!), decided they didn't want to be my friends any more. They actually kind of fucked me over later on. Sometimes I kick myself in the ass for revealing to those people what I normally keep to myself. But then you can't just live the rest of your life not trusting even those you are very close to. So what do you do? You put your guards up.

Well, if you have faith in this relationship, you have to really be patient with him. I'd be more or less repeating what the other posters have already said, but let him know you'd never judge him based on his past and MEAN IT. Be prepared to keep your own word. If not then don't bother, because he may tell you something you wouldn't necessarily like to hear. Chances are it will still take him a long time to open up to you completely, but don't get discouraged. It's not necessarily "paranoia" per se, but more likely, an exercise of vigilance....perhaps, lol.

 

It's ideal for your partner to open to you and stuff, but I don't feel like people have a right to know my past. I have always found it really hard to open up to anyone, and with my current girlfriend (of 4.5 years) I'm still opening up little by little. She loved who I was when we met, as I did her, and we have an amazing relationship as a consiquence.

My advise is to keep your distance if you're afraid, but at the same time.. if you like who he is now, and can trust him and believe it could work, why should his past make any difference? He will open up eventually. I'm sure deep down he wants you to know about him...

 

I appreciate all of your comments. Just to add a little, I'm not at all worried or afraid of what's his done in the past. I'm more afraid of letting myself get close to him and finding out later that his past is something he can't outrun. Meaning something that will eventually put a barrier between us. I guess its just a risk i must take...just scared thats all. Then again I guess its always good to have a little fear and not just jump into something ya know?