my friend paula telephone me this morning, to let me know i gave her parents heart attacks last night. how did i do this evil and vile thing? here is the story. i got my christmas cards, i ordered from the u.k. late last month. mailed them all out on the forth of this month. being an uncoventional and creative person, i don't fuck with that american greetings and hallmark corny christmas card shit! paula got my card a couple of days ago. she forgot to hide it from her conservative and conventional parents. her parents arrived yesterday, and will be staying with her for a month. last might paula's mother found my chistmas card on a table in the living room. all a sudden paula heard her mother yell "OH MY!" "DOUG COME HERE QUICK AND LOOK AT THIS!" next paula heard her father yell "GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN! PAULA, WHERE DID YOU GET SUCH FILTH? WHAT KIND OF DEGENERATE SENT YOU THIS GODLESS SMUT?" nice to know i made such a "great" impression on her folks! poor paula, she had one hell of a bad night with mommy and daddy. i'm sure you all are wondering, what kind of monsterous christmas card did i send her? it was a goth christmas card. the front of the card has a picture of a couple of zombie little kids, and their zombie mother. sitting around a dead christmas tree decorated with vampire bat ornatments, and a human skull on top of the tree. wrapped presents are all around the tree. on the ground, in front of the zombie kids and zombie mother lies santa claus. part of his face is eaten away. his guts are being pulled out of him, and the zombie family is eating away at them. blood is all over the floor and their faces. when you open the card, the caption reads: "i saw mommy eating santa claus." i know, one hell of tasteless and twisted christmas card. what can i say, i have a dark, sick and, twisted sense of humor. the people i sent the cards to know this, and they love getting these original cards from me. after the uproar poor paula went through with her parents, i'm from now on adding to any cards i sent to others, a warning to hide the card from conventional friends and family members. i wish i had foreseen that this could have happen. i feel bad about what paula went through due to me being playfully humorus.
