Hey all, first time post here. Been reading alot here and am so glad I found this forum. I've kept my opiate secret for 4 years now and to this day, no family or friends know. Only person is my supplier and now you guys ofcourse I'm tired of holding it in and feel the need to vent out my thoughts. So here goes... bear with me. I'm a 37 yr old self employed carpenter w/ 2 kids, a wife, a beautiful home and the dog. I truly have the american dream. About 10 years ago I woke up for work one morning with a torturistic pain in my back. Ended up going to the hospital and was diagnosed with spontaneous pnemothorax (collapsed lung). I ended up getting surgery to correct the problem and vacationed there for 38 days. Prior to this ordeal, I hadn't never taken so much as a tylenol.... ever. When released from the hospital, I was sent home with a bottle of percs (and away we go!) and was told to rest for another 6 weeks w/ no heavy lifting and then I could return to work. After the bottle of percs ran out, I had returned to the doctor complaining of dicsomfort in my chest. I was given an X-ray, told they saw nothing wrong and sent back home with a bottle of antiflammatory's. Well those didnt do shit. I ended up going back to the doc's about 10 more times complaining of the same discomfort. Each time I was told there is no signs of inflammation or complication and to go home. This is where I took it into my own hands.... I ended up meeting a friend of a friend who could get me 30mg oxycodones for $5 a pop indefinitely. It started at breaking a pill and eating 7.5mg / 4 times a day, which progressed into eating 60mg a pop / 4-5 times a day. One day I made the call to score some more and he/she didn't answer the phone. My hookup was gone. I ended up never finding out what happened to him/her. (BTW, my wife new I was recreationally eating them to help with my discomfort. She just didnt know I was up to 240-300 mg's a day.) Here is where hell began... I had no pills, nor anyway to get anymore. In a way, I was kinda glad, being I was getting tired of the expense and constantly chasing the buzz. I'm sure most of you understand, the wd's were pure fucking hell! The first coupla days, I was thinking of some pretty crazy shit on how to score some more. But I ended up staying strong, the main reason was the support of my wife. It took about a month to get this shit out of my system and although I still have that discomfort in my chest, it was no where near the wd discomfort. Once my wife experienced what I was going through, she kinda figured that I was a little past the 30mg's a day. She ended up getting pissed off that I lied to her, lived my life in a buzzed state, blah, blah, blah She knows the road of life I have taken so far with drugs and alcohol and mentioned that she better never see me eating those pills of poison again. I was clean for a few years now w/ that occasional craving, but nothing that made me want to go back. Now here is where it starts again... I ended up crashing a motorcycle and spent some more vacationing in the hospital. This time getting some nuts, bolts and titanium plates installed to put me back together. Once sent home I was prescribed some more pk's, but this time, the wife held onto them and gave me the dose as instructed. (Wow, I never typed this much in my life) I apologize for bein so yappy. I ended up finding another supplier and here I am again. Presently I'm at 120-150 mg's a day of oxycodone, going on 2 years now. A few months ago, I was at 240 a day. Honestly, this forum has helped me. While trying to ween, whenever I'm about to say fuck it and break my own rules, I come here and read. It helps change my mind and kills some time. Slowly but surely, I'd like to get it down to 30-60 a day. I fear that day when no one answers the phone again. My biggest fear is never being able to 100% get off of them...... I wish that withdrawl upon no one.... Anyways, again, I apologize for being so lengthy. I'm sure you've heard enough. I hope I wasn't a buzzkill for anyone. Take care...
its a struggle brother...me too with the bike crash...did my share but thankfully smoking huge amounts of weed helped me never be addicted...good luck dude there is lots of people here to give advice better than I on this forum...some sound like fuckin scientists when it comes to this shit.....read on...
hate to say it but once you taste the fruit you get kicked outta the garden. theres no going back. you will crave and desire till you die and theres nothing anyone can do about it except abstain and suffer feeling empty untill you get high or die. welcome to hell on earth, just be grateful you arent looking at prison in the near future like a lot of addicted people are. it's a trap. suicide looks better and better every day. I'm living it too and am sorry you know what i know.
Dude, I quote this because this was me!I worked for the utility co. but was a carpenter before. dad has own company. but I hid my useing for 3 years. then I got hurt bad at work.Anyway, the american dream. house, I @ my wife showed and raised English Mastiffs. Life was great, but I had this mistery illness that made me real sick now @ then.(dope sick) But I couldn't tell anyone.not often, but I would try not to take pills.and bang,sick.i started to play with heroin ,it was cheap and on every corner.one day me @ my wife were on our way to a dog show, I don't know what made me do it, I told her I had an addictoin! And because I hid it so well, she saw no real hurt.What did she say? "I wanna try it!" She was a school bus driver! worse thing she put in her body was diet coke.and smoked cigs. The shocking part.Shes dead now! She overdosed! We went through 3-4 yrs. of addictoin, rehabs. She od'ed on me so much I told her I had to leave her! My soul mate!We gave up everything, the house, we just walked away. we lost the dogs! our kids got envolved with drugs. my oldest son is in prison in kentucky somewhere.Your story hit me. because the beginning was us. we were envolved in the community. vary well liked. We could borrow thousands of dollars just because ppl thought we were normal! I was 37 when it got bad.Be vary careful dude. your kids need their dad! On another note. I have been clean 5 1/2 yrs now. I go to a clinic every morning to get my methedone.My youngest son, (21) lives with me.He saw his mom being taken out of house dead. Day after her birthday. (same day anna nichole Smith died) he spent her b-day with her. She seemed good. was coming down on her methedone dose, my son will never be the same. He is not able to get a job, stays in the house all day on computer. He never used drugs and doesn't. He watched us destoy everything.But he's happy with me. I just had another baby actually. He comes home today! he was born addicted to methedone and benzo's. she does'nt live with me right now. I'm trying to get her back and clean for child. he will be retarded for life. Sereble polsy(can't spell) so, ya this mess is hard to stop. I have been strong myself. This girl with my baby, got clean with me . she was clean 5 yrs. She was a dancer(stripper)I love her , but couldn't take the bad rd. with her. now our baby pays the price. SAD. I wish you all the luck in the world dude. its more than luck though. Look at your family this morning. they need you
What the fuck?? Do not listen to this crap ^^ you WILL feel better when you have quit and you might get cravings but you can stay strong and feel fine. Once you've quit and are done with the WD's you will feel 100% better, i promise. I've quit in the past and was back to my old self again. So stay strong and stay positive. Also if you can get on suboxone it could help you ween off the opies.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while (still doin the same shit) but wanted to thank ya for your encouraging post. He kinda freaked me the fuck out after I read his post but since then have let it go through one ear and out the other.
No doubt. The knowledge in this forum absolutely amazes me. I used to smoke/grow weed like it was goin out of style but since my chest is always irritated, smokin the gonja only makes it worse. Thanks for your post.
Thanks for sharing man - I know just where you're coming from. I took it to the forum once before but pretty much just got burned about what a wuss I was. I don't know if you ever get over the craving - it's hell. Haven't had any in 2 or three weeks. My wife freaked out - she does everytime I start getting fuc*ed up. She can always tell. You pray for me and I'll pray for you - what do you say? I know that empty feeling well. When I crave more than I can resist - my mind just goes blank. It's like I'm possessed. I blank the consequences out of my mind and just go - no thinking - good or bad. I just do it. I'd love to know why -- That shi* may ruin my life - wife, house, job, etc., etc. Dudley
If you have insurance you should really look into suboxone, you take it as prescribed and you take care of your searching for connections, you feel great like you fit back into society not rushing to get meds to feel better, just pop a tab or however many your prescribed and it takes care of everything. No withdraw, hell I could be around it still and it not even bother me. Thats the way I got addicted to opiates, I was getting a real good price, not quite as good as yours, but everytime I sold one I did one and then all the sudden my connect was gone and here I was the junkie paying top dollar to ppl I was supplying for months. Only problem is I am now off of sub's and still crave opiates, but thankfully have very few connections here now and wanna keep it that way so I can try an keep it moderate. It's a lifelong battle now man, good luck in your future.
All I can say is WOW! That is some heavy duty shit right there. Theres one big difference for me though. My wife does nothing except the occasional glass of wine on a friday night. I refuse to drag her into any of this with me. Shit... she and my children are the only 2 reasons I drag my hurtin ass out of bed every morning. Otherwise I'd probably be sleepin in a box somewhere in manhattan right now. I would end my own life before I would screw theres up (I'm worth more dead then alive anyway). I so appreciate you sharing your story with me though. It only shows me that there are people in worse conditions/situations/experiences then myself. I wish you THE BEST of luck on getting your girl back and with that new baby. I doubt I will ever be able to get off 100%. I just would like to get it into a controllable amount. Whatever that is.
I am very interested in recovery I used to drink like a fish so I know how bad withdrawals can be and also dangerous. Something that really helped me so much and I know it has helped others as well is to watch the refined carbs(white flour and sugar especially), and artificial sweeteners. It is well known that people with all kinds of addictions have a sugar imbalance. Only the very best recovery places offer to help to get the blood sugar into balance. But, there is a lot you can do to help the condition by eating healthier. #1 thing to do is stay away from all forms of junk food at all cost. Eat several small meals thru out the day if you crave sugar eat fruits and vegetables. I have a great link that discusses this very important aspect of getting clean that I will post later I have to run right now but I will get back to you soon. TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OKAY.((((((BIGHUGS))))))
i suggest that you stop using the pills your wife is holding and just get them from your friend, and whenever they dont answer or you cant get any, then you dose from your wifes bottle saying you have pain or w.e for that one day you cant get any off ur buddy, but ur tolerance is as high as mine pretty much, its very surprising you got to 300 mg without railing any lol. not that i suggest it but you could probably rail 1 80 or two and get the same affects as eating like 3 or 4
Just like everyone in this thread, I too have had an opiate addiction for 8 years. The first 6 years I managed to keep it a secret from everyone, except of course my supplier. I also was getting fentynal (not sure of the spelling) from my doc for my many back problems. One day my nephew robbed a pharmacy and dumped about 3000 oxys at my doorstep before he had to go off to jail. Needless to say, I sold about 50 of them and took the rest. By the time they ran out, I was taking 500 mg's a friggin day. The sickness was worse than anything I could have ever imagined. I had been through withdrawal in the past but this was 10 times worse. Insomnia, RLS, skin burning, muscles burning, vomiting, fever. Had to go by ambulance straight to detox and spent 2 weeks there before the doc would release me. After that, I started on methadone but couldn't get there every morning (nearest clinic 50 miles away) so I found a Dr. who would see me and give me suboxone. I have been on it for over a year now and it does work great. I recently had to move in with my brother and he has some friends who come over every night with heroin and oxys. I can watch them do that shit all night and it doesn't bother me at all. The thing that does is the drinking and blow and I found myself relapsing on that. Anyway, I realized that I was fucking up royaly so I checked myself into a 90 day residential program and am currently on the waiting list. Drugs are definately the f***ing devil. Sometimes I think that I will never be normal again. I would love to be on subs forever, I am scared to death for the day I have to get off of them.
Man - sooo many people with the same fucked up story. (Me too) Makes you wonder if some people can use within going over the edge or if it's just not their time yet.
