Overthinking, comments/opinions?

I have been talking to a female for over a month now. Things have been progressing at the slowest steadiest rate there could be, mainly cause I want to make sure I'm not going to hurt her or myself. I've never truly gotten to know someone mentally before physically, but this time is much different. I don't have much experience with relationships, I was addicted to drugs for a while and now that I'm clean, relationships are able to blossom.

Out of all this time spent with her, we have only hugged, I really want to hold her hand and hold her. I'll tell myself "alright you're gonna do this" and then the opportunity arises and I let myself down.

While spending time with her the other day I found that she is very much like myself. I never really thought I'd meet someone like me. I mean in the way that we carry ourselves and act/think. So the reason its been hard for me to get closer to her is because she intimidates me, and I intimidate her. It's really fuckin strange, when I was having that conversation with her, she was in denial that she acts the way she does. Then she realized that she isn't the most approachable person out there, because everyone always tells her she seems like a stuckup/mean/bitch, but she isn't at all. Thats the same thing I hear from people about me, except different words like serial killer/mean/insane ;]. Thats funny to see how they label the girl differently from the guy who is the same exact way.

So we're very similar, so it'd make it easier for me to approach her? I guess not. I feel that she doesn't really want to be with me, and she told me she doesnt feel that I would really actually like her. FUCK!!!!!! It is rediculous how much we are alike. I need to break down this barrier that is withholding better intimacy. She is a couple years younger, and a virgin as well, so that is a factor in why it would be difficult for us to be more comfortable.

I have been over run with feelings for her, I want her so damn bad.

I am taking her to an art shindig tomorrow where my friends have some of their work at, and am hoping this relationship progresses moreso for the better. I am going to try not to overthink shit and mindfuck myself. Fortunate thing that I'm good at practicing acceptance, because if she really doesn't want to be with me in the end, there it be, I'm still me :]

 

wow i think you should make the first move. it seems pretty obvious that you both like each other, and that there is relationship potential.

i know how you feel - i'm kinda in a similar situation myself. i've been friends with this guy for a year or so, we've had a flirtatious thing going on for a while, and recently we've started hanging out a lot more. through the grapevine i've heard he's pretty attracted to me... but good lord i wish he would make a move!
(i'm pretty shy at that kind of thing so i'm waiting, impatiently for him ) she might just be nervous/scared to be initiate anything intimate, and may be waiting for you.

you have to look at her cues though. does she listen to you really intently when you talk? does she ask you over to "watch a movie", or try to get you alone? does she sit on the other side of the coutch or pretty close to you? try to break the "touch barrier" - like touch her arm when you're telling her a crazy story or brush something off her shoulder. if you're super nervous, try having a drink or two to give yourself some courage.

do you smoke weed with her? cuz i've found that it makes me more nervous/paranoid in social situations and around people that i don't know well.

but like you said, if she shoots you down, you're still you and at least you tried.
good luck! and just dooooooooooooo it!

 

I went to that art/poetry show on sunday and brought her with me. I brought some poems and a painting last second, and read my work in front of people for the first time. I thought I was nervous doing that, but that was soo much easier than trying to tell her how I feel. I wanted to try and talk to her today but she was busy after school so I figured I'd call her way later and see if I could go over and talk to her.

I was dreading the phone call cause I'm so nervous, when I did call she was hanging out with her friend, so it was awkward and I didn't get to go talk to her. Kinda wish I didn't even call now. I don't know what the fuck to do. I don't use drugs anymore including alcohol/weed so that is not a concern there. She does smoke bud occasionally though.

As far as the "touch barrier" goes, at the art show we were kind of leaning on eachother and stuff while listening to peoples poems and music. I am just so brainfucked by this, I want to tell her how I feel and see if she wants to be with me like that. A "yay" or "nay" answer would be exceptional at this moment because I'm in a funk right now. Not a good funk either :[ . This shouldn't be so complicated.

Thanks for the reply. What are you going to do about that guy you've been talking to? I think you should make the first move. Ha, that is easy for me to tell someone else to do ;]

 

aww yeah it's tough...hang in there though - i know it's super nerve wracking but i think you can make it happen. you could just come out and say something like "i really like hanging out with you, do you want to go have dinner sometime?" sometimes asking a person out on a "formal date" can make your intentions clear from being just friends to something more.

so yeah actually i was hanging out with the guy today, and he kissed me! totally caught me off guard, but in a good way. so i guess it's onward and upward, and we'll see what happens.

 

totally just make a move, even if it is something small like puttin your arm around her or holding her hand

you just need somethin to kickstart it all

 

yea man you are really overthinking this one. just touch the girl

 

Im thinking scratch the whole thing, forget what i typed. Got really bad vibe when trying to talk to her and shit. Yesterday I was questioning if i truly even like her, than when I did talk to her she just seemed to have some really gross behavior towards me. It might just be some major miscommunication because she is like me in ways, but in other ways that she isnt like me its not for the better, actually pretty negative. Maybe I'll get some closure on it in the near future, but it shouldn't be this complicated. I also havent been laid in like four months ;] and I don't think I'd really want to deal with a virgin.

Today I'm not in so much of a nasty funk that I was in. Negative energy was holding me back from accomplishing what I need to.

A female in my college class I've been speaking to for a couple weeks has my eye at this time. Her and I seem to interact well together. Maybe something sweet will arise. Have a good day all, thanks for the responses!

 

No kissing = just friends. Go for the kiss on the first date. If you don't make a move she will think you're a wuss and will lose interest. Sound you've been LJBF'ed.