...And wow has it been a while, and once again I come to you all with a problem. I've always experienced the world in a kind of 'half there half here' way, which has been working fine for the most part. Until recently, randomly I get kind of kicked out of one place. Which is terrifying, sometimes I get an extreme sensory overload and feel so 'here' that it hurts. I can't focus any of my energy inwards and it becomes impossible to talk to any of my spirit guides (or whatever they are). Everything is so bright and heavy it hurts to even close my eyes. The extreme opposite is when I get removed from 'here'. My sister has said I act like I'm high but honestly I have no idea. No matter what I try my mind has disconnected from my body and although I'm more spiritually aware I really need to focus in school. Anyone have any idea what this is?
Great to "see" you again, Riesay. This latest sounds odd and disturbing, all righty. I don't really know...but the first thought that jumped into my head was, "Her spirit guides are messing with her awareness setting." Have you asked them about this? (when you're able to talk to them, that is) Of course they might not give you a straightforward answer, but you could at least ask and see what happens. I do remember that your/our spirit guide whom I refer to as "Mia" used to mess with my awareness some years ago. She was the one who "turned up the volume" for me for some time, and then "turned down the volume" again when I asked her to. And frequently she would whimsically alter my state of awareness on random days - I never knew what kind of interesting state I would find myself waking up in on any given day. Maybe I'll try connecting and see if I can get anything out of 'em. I'm probably playing right into their hands, but what are ya gonna do, ya know?
It's very good to be back. Rem's saying that although at first it was some sort of extreme response to a LOT of stress it was also meant to be a learning experiance. Of course Deyfas says I screwed it up. A lot of our conversations have been about me 'getting to the next level' and for the first time in a while I had the urge to visit this website. So yes, we probably are playing right into their hands. Rem says hello and she hopes all is well on your front. And to get ready. Something about a favor? Not to sure, I'm fairly sure she's messing with me again. Why can't they say anything right out? Ah, of course it's my fault...
I just asked Rem/Mia what we're doing, and she said, "Fun." LOL And she knows exactly how things are on my front, so she doesn't need to hope - and if she wants to do me a favor, she knows several things I would consider helpful... The "get ready" comment sounds a lot like things they say to me that I've decided are designed to be so ambiguous that I'll strain my brain trying to figure out the meaning, and all the possible interpretations I come up with just give them ideas for more ways to mess with me. So I dunno, Riesay. Maybe the whole thing they've been doing to you was a way to get you to come back to this forum, for whatever reason. Is that stuff still happening to you, now that you're back? It's also a great object lesson in how our state of awareness is in their hands - and whatever awareness we have is what they've decided to give us for various and sundry reasons. Hmmm...and a lesson to me that my daughter who is currently in the psychiatric hospital is probably experiencing what she is because the spirits want her to, for some reason... [sigh] All I can say is, if they want us to "get" the lesson, they're going to have to be clearer. Regarding the "next level" - my spirit guide Deanna wrote to me in an e-mail about this time of the year in 2002 that I had recently gone to the next level. I'm wondering if I'll get more advancement before my life is up. "Get ready...?"
Yes, they are going to have to stop being so vague...And I still have been having my state of awareness flipped, just not as often or to the same degree. Rem says the next level is necessary for me, and possibly you. Also being open to a permanent change in perception is going to a requirement. And that I need to get over the fact that I hear voices in my head. Thanks guys, spend years screwing me up then tell me to get over it...I can sense the love. Yep, that's about all she's gonna say to me right now. I'm fairly sure I annoyed her. Correct that, I have annoyed her. Do you happen to have any meditation or tarot tips? Apparently my head is filled with annoying fuzz she has to wade through on a daily basis. I want to get back on her good side. Quickly. I've found that if Rem wants to mess with me it doesn't matter if I'm on anyone else’s good side. Your daughters in a psychiatric hospital? I certainly wish her well and I'm sorry to hear that zengizmo.
Yes, society frowns on having voices in our heads. Possibly me...I've had a revelation this evening. I think the next level for me is conditional...I need to learn to handle my anger. Years ago, my spirit guide "Dani" treated me like dirt, and after months of it I gave vent to anger...she told me in my mind, "You're supposed to piss yourself off." Tonight I realized that the reason they wanted to anger me so intensely is so that I would learn to handle the anger. So I'm thinking now that the message for me is that the next level for me is conditional on learning to handle anger. After all: The spirits can't give more power to someone who might use that power to destroy someone, can they? Power comes only with discipline, and they're trying to teach me that discipline. My spirit guide Deanna alluded to the need for discipline in an e-mail several months ago. As for your relationship with Rem: She'll show you where you need to go. What might seem like hell from her is only to lead you where you need to go, though it may take more time. This is one thing I've learned from her. You haven't annoyed her, Riesay. There's something you need to learn from this. Just relax and let it come to you. Let any negativity just wash over you without touching the real you. You know, Riesay, you're the one person I've met who comes closest to really understanding some of what I've had to go through. Bringing you back to this forum is sufficient "favor" for me from our spirits. I hope this helps you as well.
You with an anger problem? I never would have imagined. I definitely understand what you mean about discipline, it's looking fairly obvious to me that I need it as well. Plus a lot more confidence in my mental stability, I really have a great advantage over most people if I would just accept it. And thanks zengizmo, you're also the only person I've met with an understanding of what I've been through. It has been a huge help, really it's hard to express. You know, I hadn't thought of this place in months until Rem reminded me that I have my own laptop now. Even then I wasn't going to post anything until I read a post in which you mentioned Van in drag (still the most hilarious thing ever). So I thought, 'well why not?' and Rem said 'Duh. Now get typing.'
Yeah well, I never had an "anger problem" until I was 38 years old. That happens to be how old I was when I married my current wife. Coincidence? Absolutely not! And just so you know, I was married for 13 years previously and had a live-in girlfriend for some time before that, and neither the wife nor the girlfriend evoked any kind of "anger problem" in me. And of course the problem was definitely exacerbated by the treatment from my spirit guides...anyway the bottom line is that whatever the stimulus for the anger might be, I need to get a grip on it. You should definitely accept the fact that you are an extremely intelligent, well-balanced, and mature person. I remember being amazed when I found out how young you were. And I would judge that your non-material relationships have, if anything, enhanced your balance and maturity. From what I've seen, having all these relationships and awareness in addition to what most kids experience has enriched your life. Yeah, my encounter with Van was one of the more memorable experiences of my life.
