Nobody likes me but my mom thinks I'm cool.

Seriously, since I was really young, nobody has ever liked me. I never made any friends and all I want are friends. I'm 25 yrs old and people do not like me for no reason. I don't want to be alone. I like to be around a lot of people and have a good time. But I am very introverted. I don't have any friends because of this. I never had friends in school and I was always the kid who people made fun of daily. Now I'm not weird or stuck up and people do think I'm pretty. But my only negative trait is that I'm very quiet. TOO QUIET. Now, I never thought I had a problem and I never felt nervous or unsure about myself but when I'm with a group of people and everyone is talking, I just sit there and listen.

I enjoy the conversation and I enjoy the moments that I'm in. But I usually don't talk at all. A lot of people don't understand this about me. Even people I've known for years. Even roommate, co-workers and family members. People I would see every day. People find me very hard to read and don't like me because they think I need to open up more. I've been told to my face that I'm a loser and a piece of shit and a total bore. I've heard this so many times in my life. But then some people won't tell me to my face how they feel. They just use me as a subject for gossip. Now, I am 25 yrs old and these people who act like little high schoolers are all between the ages of 18-40. More common around 25-30. People really like to make lies about me and gossip. I've been harassed, fired and not welcome in people's homes. Mostly due to lies from people who don't know me. I even went to a party once and some girl told the host to kick me out. She said she didn't want me there and so many people agreed and laughed at me, so I was forced to leave. I have no idea who that girl was. I never seen her before.

Common reasons why people don't like me is because of my introverted behavior. When people see me and observe me, apparently my facial expressions and tone of voice don't match the way I feel. I'm usually in a good mood, very laid back, relaxed, content, and happy. I like people!! But when people (strangers and people I've known for years) see me, they think:

A) I am really dumb. I know nothing about nothing and I'm afraid to talk because I'll embarrass myself with my stupidity. I've heard this one a million times. But actually, I went through college and did very well.
B) I'm really not listening and really do not care about what's going on. People think I'm stuck in my head in some day dream and have no interest in people. But I'm actually very interested.
C) I'm very cold-hearted and very manipulative but my quiet behavior is just a front because I really don't like ANYONE. Haha, yeah that's so not me
D) I'm just really bored or really sad or really angry.

I'm usually none of those things but people do ask me whats wrong all the time and tell me I look really bored. Even my immediate family will tell me I look unhappy. This really doesn't make sense to me. But overall, I guess when people talk to me, I just look at them and listen. Often, people criticize me and think that I look like I don't "understand" what they're saying or I look like I don't know whats going on or I'm not all the way there. I appear confused when people talk to me and that's why I become a joke to them. I'm not confused (most of the time) and in my mind, I think I'm just looking at them while they speak to me. i don't know how so many people interpret that as someone being confused. I look at people in the eye when they speak to me. I'm confident. I'm interested. I'm just the quiet type. To other people, I seem creepy and awkward with no personality. I have NO friends and for the past five years especially, I've been treated poorly by almost everyone around me. Nobody likes me and all I want to do is be around other people. I try calling people and iming people just to find out that they don't want me around anymore. I am sooo lonely. I have a lot of interests though. I LOVE music, art, history, music festivals, raves, people, etc... lol, I will go to raves (I go for the music and the DJ) and at raves I become a social butterfly because I feel like its the only place I can go where people don't judge me and everyone wants to be my friend and give me hugs. It's a wonderful feeling. Even though their love is artificial (E), they really talk to me and are soooo happy that we just met. Then they want to be my best friend. It's so sweet. lol. I love that feeling. I just wish that everyone was like that.

Oh, and if you want to see pics of me to see that I'm not a total wreck, check me out at myspace.com/lunacid420.

 

I KNOW what you mean. Except I don't even think my mom thinks I'm cool anymore. And your picture didn't show up.

I'll be your friend.

 

Feel you there.
I'm usually pretty quiet. Some people think I'm boring; fuck em.
I'll just chill with the people I get along with.

Thing I think needs to happen is that you need to find someone you really click with, someone who doesn't mind you being a bit quiet.
People think you're a piece of shit just because you're quiet are pretty dumb.

So what about these rave people?
How about making friends with some of them outside of raves

 

Yeah i hate how most people are judgemental. I used to be really quiet, i talk more now so i get along with more people, either way i think i'm better than the people who need others to talk. There just a drone of society that is all caught up in stupid language. I don't like talking but i do it anyways so i can get more respect.

 

Maybe you should try talking a bit more when you're with people? perhaps they wont assume all the things they do about you if you just told them what you were thinking?

 

Yeah I did actually make friends with people at raves. But I ended up moving away from them and the closest rave is about a four hour drive. But I'll be driving 4 hours this Halloween for one. And Xac, I understand what you're saying but I really don't want to force myself to speak more when I really don't want to. I know just maybe I'll make more friends. But if the people want to be my friend because I talk more but will judge me if I'm just relaxed and chillin then I really don't want them to be my friend. I've tried that before. Haha, when I get drunk, which is not often, but when I do... I get really chatty and people think I'm quite funny. But that's just the liquor talking. And when I am sober, there are times where I try and be social but I feel like I'm forcing it and it's all one big act. I don't like that. I am an actress though. lol. I have been in many plays and even some cheesy ass low budget movies. But if I use that acting skill to make conversation with people and improvise a dialog, I just feel like our friendship is based off lies. Cause eventually, I'll slip. After seeing the same person over and over, I will become quieter and quieter. I'll feel like I'm at that comfort level with them. Trust me, I've tried this before. Usually after a bit, people who liked me based off my "good first impression" will quickly decide that I'm boring and I'm not worthy of their friendship. So I really don't think that works because it's not really who I am. I'm not much of a chatty Cathy, unless I'm in an overly crowded environment. Such as a rave, festival, concert, etc... I think its the energy that makes me feel alive.

 

'my silence is my self-defense'

I am experimenting with forcing myself to talk more. Most of what comes out is dumb because it's not natural but I figure some of the stuff that gets through will give me a better chance of connecting to others.

You shouldn't have to do that, but you could try it when you're in a new environment. If one person responds well it'll give you the confidence to keep going. Then again, if you hit a brick wall you'll probably escape into your shell again...

 

You seem like a really interesting person. The problem may be that most people around you are not interested in interesting and unique INDIVIDUALS. But fuck those people, let them wander around like the sheep they are, you will find people that like and respect you for who you are.

 

You actually sound a lot like me in many ways.
The best thing you can do is ignore the assholes that judge you, and then try and get to know people that have similar personalities and interests such as yourself. I am typically pretty quiet (but very friendly) when I'm getting to know people. It takes a while for me to open up completely and be able to banter back and forth with complete comfort. Also, the more relationships you have with people (platonic or otherwise), the more you'll learn to socialize.

 

i dont care about people, ever! most people are know are of the following:
emo
chav
indie
raver
metalhead
punk

they all share on thing in commen, there all mindless sheep following a scene or style inorder to 'fit in', fuck em all at least you act like yourself man

 

Read The Stranger by Albert Camus, I think you would connect with the main character. Anyways I often feel this way, a lot of times people have all these expectations of how you should act or react to certain situations or comments, and when you don't meet these expectations they think you are weird, a loser, a bad person, etc.