(Just a note to add on my normal behavior. Im a very logical thinker, rarely let emotions take control. I have a large past experience with psychedelics and a strong intuition.) About a week ago I had a bad trip on LSD. Ill try not to digress into uneeded detail in this story. Sorry about grammatical, chronological, or spelling mistakes, my mind is in agony. Dosed 1 1/3 Blue Playstation (MDMA & ?) Dosed 3/4 hit LSD three times throughout the first two three hours of the trip. So ill call him T. He was my best friend for a long time. Until about six months ago, he began to do meth and a girl came between us. Just in the past couple weeks we've begun hanging out again. Last Saturday we dosed the above amount together (my gf there too, thank god). I gave him the E and L for free, i feel im too genorous sometimes. After the E kicked in he started saying he wants us to know he's not using us for drugs and he wants to start chilling alot again cause he misses me. We talked on the subject for a while. Increased the roll to beyond beliefe type of happy. I was overwhelmed with joy that my friend is back and life just felt perfect. Towards the end of the roll, while inhibitions were still very low. T told me about a time when he was younger when some kid tied him up and tortured him with airsoft guns. He found a huge chunk of metal and threatened to shoot T with the piece of metal out of a slingshot. The kid said "I know it might kill you but im willing to take the risk. I got a huge surge of fear when he told this, despite the roll. I think it is a major factor to the outcome. Than the roll faded. I started thinking "did i feel something negative" From there negative thoughts started growing. T said something like "No Secrets!" to me and my gf when we were talking because we told him nevermind and didnt wanna rehash what we just said. Due to his response i got the feeling he trusted us TOO much and the smallest slip in trust could make him angry, a surge of fear hit me at this point to. After a couple hours of trying to ignore the negative thoughts they got to intense to hold in. Little spasms of fear showed in my face, tears began to run down my face. I told T and my GF that i thought T was gonna kill me. I tried explaining why i thought that but my thoughts were in such a deep loop it was hard to describe it all. I made it very clear to T that i was trying to think logically and knew he wasnt going to kill me and to not take offense to what im saying, i was just confused. T's facial expressions made me feel he was hiding something. I had the strong feeling every word he said was trying to be blind me and my GF from the horrible truth, that he would murder us. My gf was pretty calm, she was tring to make me feel better. At one point i got a big wave of fear rush through my body and i looked at T and asked him in my head if was going to kill us and he said yes out loud. Fire erupted from behind him, his eye sockets turned dark, and i felt i was looking at the darkest living being to exist. From that point on in the trip all i could think about was how he was going to kill me. After some sleep, 4-5hours, i still feel this "looping of paranoia". it takes alot of will power to force myself into the other room to see T. We spend the morning talking, the fear inside me is still strong though, im just trying to think logically and make it go away. I still think the fear showed through. T seemed very edgy the next day, and has persisted to be edgy since that night. I think theaddiction from meth he went through changed him, he has more rough edges. But even now, a week after the trip. Im scared of him, when i think about him my heart pounds and fear rushes through me. Hanging out with him is too stressful, i still fear he trusts us too much, and i also get the feeling he EXPECTS our genorosity now, and if i didnt give he would snap or something and get mad. Idk what to do. My logical mind tells me that everything is fine. But another part of my mind fears for my life when im around him. Its like a war between Logic and Fear inside my head. I have been taking Adderall this past week. It takes my mind of the fear, but intensifies it if he is around while im high on addies. I don't believe cannabis helps my mental situation at all but im an avid stoner and have trouble holding back when it comes to cannibis. So my end question is, has anyone experienced anything like this? If so, How long did the after effects last? Drugs that counter the after effect? All replies are appreciated. I'd just like to have my un-tainted logical mind back. I cant think about anything clearly with this nagging at me constantly.
well, i can't give you any advice from personal experience, i don't know anyone this has happened to. but i did want to say that you might want to consider taking a decent break. i can guarantee that weed won't help you, and in all likelihood stimulants aren't going to do anything good either and may make things worse. i don't know what your drug habits are but you should really take it easy and just focus on day to day shit, your job/school/friends/sports whatever, just get into a basic routine and take things slow, probably better if you avoid drugs until you're feeling more stable. i've had scary things happen on trips (not near the level that it sounds like you experienced though), and some thoughts lingered on but eventually faded, a few weeks at most. the fact that you recognize that these thoughts aren't true is pretty important (you' don't seem to be delusional at least) and definitely a good sign, so like i said just take it easy, give it some time and things should straighten out.
This is the outcome i have come to. Starting monday im going clean for a month. No psychoactives at all. Not even caffeine. Im going to avoid T in the gentlest way i can, till i stable out. I don't feel he'd understand if i tried to explain. One thing i learned about myself from this is fantastic, though. Which you kinda mentioned. I feel proud of myself, in the face of what felt like the end of my life, i wasnt consumed by it. Despite how real it seemed, i kept face and didnt act irrationally on those fears. I have come a loooong way with psychs. They mean more to me than any other non-living thing on this planet. I have changed alot since i starting exploring my own consciousness, for the better. I believe majority of people, if in that situation, would have reacted very badly and made matters worse. I had urges to kill T, just to end the torment. Someone else could have acted on the urge.
I think chilling on the psychoactives for a while is definitely a good idea. On T too. It seems to me that you know (or think) that you can't fully get back to the relationship you once had with T, and are being bothered by the idea that you haven't found the new boundaries/balance to your friendship. Also - have you had any bad experiences with addicts close to you?
Thank you duck Of all replies ive got, on here and bluelight, yours makes the most intuitive sense. Im worried of crossing his boundaries on accident. If this is the main cause i would think spending more time with T would be ideal, as i could find those boundaries and get used to them. And nothing to serious no. His addiction was the worst of people I've been close to.
cut the stimulants, even caffeine stimulants induce fear, stress in the body Marijuana however. I would say take a fat ass bong rip and meditate. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly a good hard blast of marijuana, from a low tolerance can be good for your brain. Don't just smoke throughout the day. Wait like 24 hours, or longer, and then hit the pipe good and hard. Get WAAY up there from just one hit, break out the kief, or the shake on the bottom of the bag. Ya you might get way too fuckin high for like 20 minutes. But you know with weed, your never uncomfortable for more than 30 minutes at most, and afterwards you always feel way way better. Doing that has always helped me sort out of the diffucult to sort out feelings in myself. I've festered on things for months before. Then finally just took a fat ass rip of weed and layed down in the dark and then paid good and close attention to all the shit going on inside me, then managed to untangle it. You might have to talk to T to sort that out, but first you gotta sort it out in yourself. And you know it's very possible that you can't be friends with T like before. I have a friend who got hard onto adderall and I don't enjoy his presence anymore, I can feel the tenseness of the amphetamines in him and it makes me tense and overly aware of him.
i dunno man, i think that the reason he told you about that childhood experience was because he felt opened by the mdma. so he told you a very personal story, and then you took it as him having too much trust. what i want to know(and i think what you should meditate on) is why his trust scares you. it doesn't really make sense for someone's trust to scare you, unless there is a reason. do you percieve him as a violent person? why is it that you don't trust him? rygoody gives some good advice with the pot. pot can always help integrate psychedelic experiences, and that (i would say) is the best method to do it. you should really just calm down for a minute. you need to just meditate on what happened, and come to terms with your fear. if you need to stay away from your friend do, until you get can your mind in order.
I see that as good advice, depends on what drugs though...Id say weed is the way to go for chill reflection, the rest is party shit.
holy shit, nothing against you man and I"m sorry you had this negative experience, but I lol'd really hard at that
ive been there man i know what its like to see a person differently, as in angels and demons shit...I remember angels used to be like meeting Jesus and demons used to be like meeting the dirtiest, lava padded, snot hanging, red eyed,evil faced, scary monsiter under the bed thing...Maybe iam a chicken or maybe iam safe, either way ive had some intensly scary nights while going through drug psychosis...Funny enough though, i laughed about it all whenever i was stoned months afterwards. Ill never forget meeting my first angel lmao, it was like i meet the creator of earth...Ill never forget the first time i thought i was surrounded by demons, Holy shit is all i need to say. edit-but i did laugh at what he said because it is kinda funny after its all said and done lol
