Do you expect your children to move out by a certain age?

My dad's friend is Chinese and has his parents and all of his kids under one roof. His kids love living there so much that they each pay $800 a month in rent to stay. I'm still not sure I'd want my kids in my house that long... Then again he basically built them a fully independent apartment type deal in the basement, so I guess that's a bit different.

I mean I don't plan on kicking my kids out at 18, but I certainly don't want any 30 year old leeches hanging around my house either...

Your thoughts?

 

Some of that's cultural.

 

mine are getting luggage for their 18th birthdays, haha/

 

I've always told my kids, "Remember, check out time is 18".

In all seriousness, I think kids need to get out there and fend for themselves not too long after 18. We've had four kids leave the nest and all but one were pretty motivated to be "grown up" and out on their own. The odd one out needed a good push to leave the land of free food.

 

Mine left at 18 for college. They're 20 now and have their own apartment while they're in school.

The funny thing is, I followed them when they left. They attend a university 1500 miles away from where we were living, which is where they grew up. I decided I didn't want to be that far away from them, so I moved too. But I don't interfere with them ... they come over when they feel like it, but Tucson is plenty big enough that they don't have me breathing down their necks. Their life is their own.

 

Mind you, mine's only three. She still has years to grey my hair and change my mind!

But I feel it's kinda open ended. If she's going to the local university, taking a full class load, didn't get a full ride, and is working toward her tuition and books, yeah, she can live with me. She's working toward something. I'm going to support her one hundred percent.

But the moment she goes into the workforce and gives up on school, she can move out and really feel how that feels. I'll help her as I can, but that's something that she'd have to learn to juggle as a working citizen.

 

all depends on how skilled in self-sustainability, how the child relates to the world, what the circumstances are...

i don't believe in turning out family. i had many spin outs and lived on the streets, not because of lifestyle habits, but because i didn't have the tools or the assets to "start up" in such an unsustainable society.

my husband also grew up homeless. so we are very sensitive to lack of support of society in general. how this dominant society actually makes it very difficult to succeed with even the basics of human rights. the right to food, to safe shelter and freedom from violence.

we are also very sensitive to our son's ability to relate to this society as he is on the autism spectrum.... how will that shake out? well, we are very positive for his side, but kinda cynical about this society.

i would like to see a more loving place for every one.

 

That's basically the offer we gave ours. As long as they were in school they could live basically free as long as they were pulling their part of tuition, books, insurance. The three that are going to uni, (one's actually done), wanted their privacy so they moved out and fended for themselves.

The other one who worked, but didn't go to school, got motivated at 20 by my request for some room and board money.

 

Well, I'm in my 20s and I still live at home, that being said my family has a farm and we all work together to keep it running. I don't think you should ever kick your child out, however after a certain age you should ask for rent.

 

This is my story. Except I have it a touch easier because my mom actually works at the college, so I get tuition remission. But we've fallen on some tough times (health problems in high school prevented me from getting a license, my grandmother had a stroke and needed total care for a year until she died, my aunt is a severe asthmatic and her medications take up her whole paycheck) and the whole family (consisting of my mother, my stepfather, my aunt and myself- my dad's pretty much out of the picture) is basically living paycheck to paycheck. No one has a savings anymore.
I hate that I'm 22 and I still live at home, but I've got till summer, and then I'll have my degree. Meantime, it's meager wages from two jobs just to keep me fed while I go to classes full time, plus a night class at another school. My mom is too busy paying the bills for the house and my aunt. I got a credit this year from the school that's going into a savings account, but books next semester will probably wipe that out...
Someday I'll have a real job with a real salary and I will be able to afford to start my life. Right now, though, I'm stuck. I can't imagine why anyone would want to stay at home.
Strong-willed children run in the family. I doubt I will have to push my kids out the door, either.

 

I commend you for perservering through all that!

 

You do what you have to. Persevere or die in this family, heh.
Nah, it's just a situation where if everyone doesn't contribute, we flounder. As long as I am here, I'm taking up resources, thus I have a responsibility. That leech feeling isn't a good one when everyone around you is working their hands to the bone, getting overtired and sick, getting older and not able to take it anymore... Just need to do what I can.

 

No certain age when they have to move out. I have four ages 11 to 18. The 18yo goes to junior college, has his own car (bought it himself), pays his own insurance, and cell phone bill. One day maybe he can pitch in for groceries once in awhile (he does alot of eating out now).

I know I might be in the minority but I really don't mind if they continue to live here either. Some might stay longer than others. Some might need to come back. And I don't mind one bit.

 

I'm also 22, living at home and really resenting it. My mother and I are at each other's throats (over money, housework, clashing personalities) and I feel like some kind of loser. I have to keep reminding myself that I was living independently for 4 years before I had to come back and that I'll be doing it again someday. It's just hard to see the future clearly when you don't get to keep any of your own measly paychecks and are wondering what to make of your life!

 

:cheers2: