So...I used to be a prostitute and now

that I'm not anymore... I have trouble being with men. I feel mechanical when I fuck, even though I always get compliments. It doesn't feel real anymore.

Before I was a prostitute (mind you, I'm going to to be 19 in a bit and I only started having sex at 17) I was having A LOT of sex after I lost my virginity. I wanted to "fuck like a man" and not have to be emotionally attached after every fuck. I wanted to kill off that biological impulse that makes women feel connected to men after sex for survival purposes/breeding/whatever.
It got pretty easy to not need the men I was sleeping with, and I'm pretty cute so there was never a shortage of new men.

Now that I'm sort of...healthier in my selection....Well for one I'm fucking horny all the damn time and do not feel that "ahhhh" of post-sex body high. And for two, I don't feel the same sleeping with men anymore. The few I decided to trust in my sensitive state as I was healing all fucked me over (One got my friend pregnant while I was in Texas, one just totally abandoned me) & now I can't even tell which guys I want to sleep with or which guys I tell myself are okay to fuck.

I don't know.
I'm all messed up.

 

Out of curiosity, when you were a working girl, did you achieve orgasm when with a client? Inquiring minds need to know...

 

Relax. It takes time to get all this right and meet the right person. There's no rush.

 

I'm not that patient!!

 

I've never let myself orgasm before.

...think deep seeded emotional baggage blocking it up.

 

You may not have a choice.

 

Well...wish me luck I guess

 

You're 18 fucking years old! I have shirts older than that. On average, you can expect to live at least 60 more years. Try to enjoy every minute of it, if you can. What does your past have to do with your present? Nothing.

Good luck. :cheers2:

 

Woah, so you didn't have sex before you lost your virginity?!

You're not as messed up as you think. You are very young, too young to be worrying so much about the things that you do.

 

You could always start drinking from the furry cup

 

I agree with NotDeadYet. Though, who knows, you might run into someone who isn't going to fuck you over...today, or tomorrow, or maybe it was someone you passed up yesterday. Someone who is really intent on making some kind of emotional bond. Instead of just being some retarded dancing erect body.

 

RubyJessica,
Glad to hear you decided to only make it a phase as it's never a healthy career. I find that if I take all my adventures and try to learn from the good and discard the bad I can stay sane and keep a smile, life is full of many experiences and you seem able to handle them if you use your mind.

Don't rush the healing, you don't get to pick your memories, some are to warn you and others are to make you laugh, surround yourself with good, honest, kind friends and move forward onto your next persona, you are young and full of life. You've learned a lot; about men, business and self preservation, take those lessons and be a better person because of it.

If your really trying to heal from the emotional detachment of sex that you taught yourself then your going to have to change how you interact with men.

If your strong willed enough to take your time and get to really know a guy before you sleep with him you can make an intelligent choice about what it is he wants from you. You already know how easy it is to have sex with someone, but you need the skills to have a relationship, even if it breaks your heart a few more times (your results may very), it builds character and if you always strive to be kind, you will be a happy beautiful soul.

Remember you have a lot of brothers and sisters here for support and we all love you. - Dale

----------------------
Peace, Love and Family is what my soul searches for,
it's my body that keeps getting me lost.

 

haha Oh I do. I'm a pretty joyful individual... I just wish my sex life was healthier

Thanks

 

Thank you, Dale. Yeah, I've made a lot of progress on concentrating mostly on the fact that I am indeed a beautiful energy, full of life and love and kindness and hope. It hasn't been easy but I'm getting closer and closer everyday to fully just loving myself, and it's nice to know I've got you guys.
Love

 

You made me . Good luck with your colorful happy journey. - Dale

 

What a load of crap, I've known working girls that have led well off well adjusted lives, provided well for their kids becuase of their work.

Its never a healthy career?, the worlds oldest profession is basically one of a care giver. If ruby is having problems its more about how early she started than her chosen profession, if she worked in mid to high class places I'm sure she encountered women that have done well for themselves.

Get to really know a guy before she sleeps with him? You are never really going to know anyone.

Your posts sounds like a range of judgements wrapped in cutesy words like smile, soul, support

 

So you got exactly what you wanted, and now yr complaining?

 

As much as it kills me to do this, I have to agree with vanilla gorilla, a mid to higher class working girl can lead a relatively safe and very lucrative career if she keeps her wits about her.But by the same token, ruby jessica is blaming her former prostitution as her reason for not having a good or satisfactory sex life now, I think she needs to drop that old baggage and focus on what makes her feel sexy and desirable and seek out lovers who will maybe slow down some and are open to her needs, not just a fast fuck , see you later.I am not talking about long term relationship, just slow down , breathe and make a little love.

 

I appreciate your critique and find it funny. I've known one or two working girls too and they enjoyed the money and other perks but neither of them still does it or would want their daughters to do it.

You do understand that it's dangerous with regards to diseases, pyschos and law enforcement.

You paint a pretty picture yourself of a safe, fun and clean little job that anybody can do and has no downsides.

I've been friends with a lot of the girls I've slept with and you know those are the ones I'm still friends with. Maybe you don't respect the mind of a woman as much as you do a piece of ass. And that therein might be your problem and not really mine at all.

I think we can agree on this as all my posts and all my thoughts are judgments based on my life's experiences and if you think that Smile, Soul and Support are cutesy. Then you are not my Kind. - Dale

 

good luck kid, some day you'll find a man that suits you, or maybe a woman, did you ever go with women?